Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Welcome back Sidney Crosby & Zybnek Michalek

Tonight was never going to start on time. Not with Sidney Crosby returning to the Penguins. He did not disappoint. 2 goals and 2 assists after nearly a year off. Incredible. Bring on the haters. On a minor note, Zybnek Michalek, a superb shut down defenseman, came back too. The Pensblog gave him the nickname Michalek Island last year because of how shut down he is. Let’s roll.

Booker T joins the broad cast booth. I love 3 man booths. (That’s sarcasm.) CM Punk really puts over the WWE Title. Old school bitches. Where’s Johnny Wooden GM? There he is. Punk gets Dolph Ziggler. Drink for the Twitter symbol. A fairly boring segment. I had to explain everything to my buddy Sean so I didn’t pay attention. Punk was drug down.

Zack Ryder leads off against Alberto Del Rio. Drink again for Ryder’s petition on Twitter. I don’t like the hair dye by Ryder. Zack looked good and lost in a reasonable amount of time. Neither of these guysa re good enough to sustain a match like Punk & Ziggler will. We hear from John Cena, later!

Sheamus gets to beat down Jack Swagger. Booker informs us that we’re not playing Tiddlywinks. Sean even hates Vickie’s screeching. She does her job. Sean says “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sheamus lose.” He’s probably right. Sean catches it infrequently. He thinks the Great White is hilarious in a bad way.

They recap the Kevin Nash storyline. Big Sexy walks to the top of the ramp because he can’t go any further than that. He’s mad because HHH was a boss. I would have taken Nash & HHH against Rock & Cena. He’s the last of the Cliq. Good for you, I’m still not terribly interested. Nothing wrong with the promo though.

Sean is gone so I can concentrate a bit more. I’m glad because I’m liking Cody Rhodes already. Short but better than anything else tonight. Santino is even noted as a joker by the announcers. Well, Cody squashed him. Santino is still a joke. Cody talks trash to Booker. It seems we know why Booker joined the booth tonight. Josh talks to my boy Dolph & Vickie. They push his two wins at Survivor Series. I’m pumped that he’s laying claim to the face of the WWE! Kent State represent!

Booker gets questioned coming back but he’s saving his answer for Smackdown because he’s not important enough for a Raw segment. Dolph gets pimped by Cole, Booker blows CM Punk. Drink for a Twitter mention twice, on screen & by Cole. King is under the weather. Hadn’t thought about it until Cole mentioned it. Not a good distinction for Lawler. They’re pushing his KSU creds again. Booker continuing to call him Zig Zag is cracking me up. Booker put over both Del Rio & Punk well. Hurts Ziggler a bit. Ziggler going with the cross face. Nice addition to the arsenal. The high knee miss leads us to commercial? Wow, the 10 count would well be over by the end of the commercials. Have him tossed back into the ring by Ziggler before the break or at least show him going to get him.

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Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Survivor Series Review, Jeremy & Eric, Nov. 21, 2011

the rock

I shit you not, this image came up when searching "chewing up scenery."

Jeremy: So what you think of Survivor Series?

Eric: I’m not gonna lie: it’s the first WWE PPV I’ve seen since we went to WrestleMania, and I liked it a lot. Thumbs higher than the middle. What about you?

Jeremy: Ehh, it was a decent show but for $55.00 I expect more. No new talent, nothing shocking or anything to make you talk about the show. I expected Nash or Triple H, Skip Sheffield, anything or anyone to make it a head slapper for not ordering and it wasn’t one of those shows.

Eric: I paid $5 to see it with a group of people I’d never met, and thankfully they were making references to Giant Gonzalez and random stuff like that, so they were cool.

Jeremy: I was all on my own. Well, I had Twitter.

Eric: Honestly, had Hunter or Nash come out, I would have slapped my head for being suckered into watching it. I’m so happy those two assholes stayed out of it.

Jeremy: Figured Nash would come out to cost Punk the title and Triple H would have stopped him. Suppose they are letting that angle actually play out for a while.

Eric: I thought there was plenty to talk about, just nothing earth-shattering. Dolph Ziggler coming into his own even more is worth talking about, yes?

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Matt Hardy Breaks His Silence

As our friend friend @MissieBird put it, Matt Hardy is the gift the keeps on giving. Not only did he break his silence, I am too. The story of Matt Hardy is getting to be terribly sad. According to Prowrestling.net, it was announced yesterday that Matt was kicked out of WWE sponsored rehab after failing a breathalyzer test. He claimed it was mouth wash that caused him to fail. I don’t know the rules of a rehab facility but mouth wash would seem to be on a no no list considering it does have alcohol in it. Needless to say, the facility didn’t believe his story. Matt was arrested by the Moore County (no confirmation) police upon exiting the rehab facility because of judge’s order for a million dollar bail if he didn’t complete the rehab. I could goof on this guy but it truly a sad story at this point. Matt, even your biggest detractors didn’t want you to fall into a tailspin of epic proportions. Find the strength to go back to rehab and get better. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I haven’t received a call to go out so let’s do a review. It could be a defacto Survivor Series preview. It’s been a long week at the office so I have zero energy to put a story about my life before this review. Let’s roll.

Mark Henry yelled at then assaulted Daniel Bryan who has gotten more quality time  getting his ass kicked by Henry than he has since he won the MITB contract. Nice of them to wear their new shirts. I’ve been working on an article about them and a couple of other shirts. If I get lucky, I can work on it this weekend. They replayed the segment that happened before a commercial break. ADD central. Sin Cara gets introduced.

Vickie leads off after the break. Karen Jarrett needs to listen to this crowd. That’s the response you should be aiming for. Not complete apathy. What, Dolph didn’t get any mic time? I’m calling shenanigans. I need to start drinking for Twitter mentions. I’m three drinks behind. Dolph then gets a cheap win over someone who can’t wrestle. Why is no one from, OK, Mason Ryan helps after Sin Cara gets his ass kicked.

Jack Swagger takes on Mason Ryan for his assault. Nice of the WWE to give Ryan a win going into SS. Ryan’s hair does need to go. His posing was even half assed. Justin Gabriel gets hit on by Alicia Fox. Zack gets a couple of more signatures when Big Show arrives. Big Show angry because of beat down. What silliness. Why does a statement by Henry anger you? It’d make sense if he’d been buddy buddy with Bryan.

Ted & Ted get to talk. The Long variety compliments the DiBiase variety when Aksana arrives. She wants to advertise for WWE12. Long gives himself a pep talk. Christian gets to bitch. His injury isn’t going to last long or they realize Smackdown goes down hill without him. He made it sound like a longer term injury. AJ is checking on Bryan when Show arrives. Big Show angry still. Me must find Mark.

Derrick Bateman debuts against Ted DiBiase. Michael Hutter from PWO debuts. Matthews zings Cole about not filling us in more about Bateman after he fed him.  Bateman is a power couple with Maxine from another NXT season. Ted continues to roll with a win. Pretty expected.

Big Show still angry.  Me knock out Jinder, stare down Tyson Kidd. They replay the opening of the show, of which they’ve already replayed. Show comes to the ring. I was hoping that the Big Show’s favorite footage was going to be him coffin surfing. It’s my favorite Big Show footage. Big show promises to be the new champ then throws a number of cheesetastic punches.

Kofi takes on Hunico, who grabs a mic and starts speaking Spanish. I’ve got no clue. German is not very helpful at times like this. It is useful when you’re drinking in beer halls and gardens in Munich. As much as I hate Hunico’s look, he wrestled better than the real Sin Cara. Cole calls him a proud man. He can’t be wearing that outfit. After the announcers talked up Hunico all match, they lose his credibility by having him lose to Kofi. Another Ezekiel repackaging video.

AJ & Kaitlyn take on Natalya & Beth. Squash match central. This match is sloppy even for a women’s match. AJ looks smooth in the ring but she’s too small. Natalya was pinning herself with the uber Sharpshooter. She would do well to be Bryan’s valet if they keep the nerd label on both of them. I think we’re supposed to be intrigued that Kaitlyn is pissed at AJ.

Rock gets full promo time on Smackdown. I FF. Cena should really bring up the point that Rock mostly does kids movie. He shouldn’t be pissed that Cena courts them. That’s who pays his bills. I catch up to the show before the replay is over. They are loving the intro then go to commercial tonight. Randy Orton is the winner this time.

Sheamus then  Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes, who gets an inset promo. I like him so much better without the mask. The promo was pretty useless. A commercial break happened. Christian is at ring side. He ended up interfering in a nondescript match. Sheamus & Orton house Rhodes & Barrett. Are they really going to have Team Barrett win via Even Steven booking? I want to buy a major pay per view but I’m not excited about the show in the least. -Kevin

Jesse Neal moving up in the world by quitting TNA

License to print money, right here.

According to Prowrestling.net, Jesse Neal is leaving TNA. Good thing none of us picked him in the TNA Roster Game, am I right, Jeremy, Kevin and Dusty?

Some things you just have to question but… then I again I don’t give a f—. It’s time for a new me and a change.

What is that saying about rats and sinking ships? If even this low-rent ass-hat is willing to leave so abruptly, there has to be something wrong with this company. Furthermore, Neal Tweets:

If you want to book me I am free after this weekend, let me know. And trust me, you’ll get your moneys worth.

Um, no thanks. I’d rather book Greg Valentine to not show up than to book you to be there. Good luck in your future pop-can-redeeming endeavors. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #165

The crew has been paired back down to two for this edition of the Stunt Granny. Oddly enough, Jeremy and Kevin continue to talk about TNA despite just playing the TNA Roster Game. Which one of these morons forgot to read the results of Turning Point before going to air? How many spoilers to they let out of the bag? They go into fantasy booking mode because of yet another TNA misstep. Is there anything good that has come out of the debacle that is the new main event players James Storm and Bobby Roode? The men move on to the three hour WWE Raw. Did the show get Rocked? Did either of the men enjoy John Cena’s appearance in “It’s Your Life!” with Mick Foley? Do all heel Mexicans have to wear bandanas? They finish by talking about Kevin’s new Twitter drinking game on Raw. Find out the rules (or lack there of) when you click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #165

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

They are pushing the traditional 5 on 5 matches this year.

It is upon me again. Another three hour Raw. I started late because I needed to knock more stuff off my DVR. It happened to be watching Iron Chef America: Thanksgiving Showdown. I can’t get enough of the cooking. I made some killer baby bok choy slaw and shredded teriyaki ginger barbeque chicken. It is tasty. I was going to babble about my mother’s Thanksgiving dinner but I will save that talk for next week when we’re closer to the holiday. The Rock is on today. Lucky us, a whole segment might be funny. I need to start reviewing Smackdown on more than just Twitter because it is a much better show now that they’re firmly back in the development phase of the show. Oh well, Let’s roll.

We get the pleasure of starting with the Michael Cole challenge. You had to know lots of filler was coming tonight. What would be the use of showcasing wrestlers? We start with the usual arm wrestling schtick. Cole insults BBQ sauce. I haven’t tried JR’s stuff. I should at some point. I can’t drink enough to forget this dance competition and finish this article. Cole is dumb for letting the fans judge anything. He knows they hate him. Is there any cheap heat Cole hasn’t tried yet? After we get to see people on a scale, Punk shows up. Punk stating the obvious again. Does he cry at night that he gets to say what’s wrong but it doesn’t actually solve the problem? Oh, Twitter drinking game is so on tonight.  Twitter gets mentioned for a 3rd time before Mick Foley shows up. I’m glad Foley got a hair cut.

Hunico & Cody Rhodes vs Sin Cara & Kofi to start. It allows me to drink some Brothers Drake Mead, which is a honey wine, Honey Oak flavor. I barely get to type that and we get a commercial. I don’t bag on Kofi’s offense as much as the other guys on the site but that rolling clothesline is beyond dumb. Rhodes wins with his finisher. Good choice for a finish. I will enjoy Cody more without a crutch like the mask or mirror before it.

Santino is back in full force as the comedy act of Raw. The Broski defends Cena’s in ring work. I’ve got nothing on that segment. It existed. Vickie almost announces my boy Dolph as the 5th member of Team Barrett. Ziggler does a solid job again. I want his big title push!

Of course Cole needs to be more important than the show again. Mason Ryan comes out to take on Ziggler. Ryan comes out on fire. I don’t think the monster can lose quite yet. The WWE doesn’t want either guy to lose. Morrison gets to be the next title holder so Dolph can move up. Fingers crossed. Foley gets to talk to Ryder. Are they going to give any segment time aside from ones involving Cole?

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