Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

Wade Barrett looked like a drowned rat after his match. I'm not sure that's a rat but damn is that a funny picture.

Cody Rhodes leads the program off with a sneak attack on Booker. Glad they joined it in progress. Rhodes cuts a good promo on top of the announce table. Cole mention Gordon Solie is just dumb but he can’t say Jim Ross. Does even 25% of the audience know who he is? Rhodes joins us for commentary for the night. Wade Barrett takes on Ezekiel Jackson for the right to choose the stipulation at TLC against Randy Orton. Matthews asks the best question “Are you going to be with us all night?” I enjoy him but it’s going to be too much especially with Cole blowing him all night. Commercial.

The heel assault does seem to have given Matthews a better voice. Barrett hits Waste Land at 7:53. Why did they give Zeke a video package then have him job out as soon as he got back on TV? I agree that he should be buried but why waste the time of the packages? Wade cuts a solid promo. He had the misfortune of going after Rhodes.

David Otunga gets to bore us more. Teddy can’t even drag him out of his mire. Teddy explained the lax rules for match booking these days. You just need to be at a show. At least they admitted it. Matthews brings out Daniel Bryan. Cole gets to bash Bryan during his video package. Cole interrupts a good speech but he brings out a nice fire in Bryan. Rhodes gets booted from ringside after attacking Bryan. Cole is too busy yelling at Bryan to send us to commercial.

Zack Ryder takes on Heath Slater. When I jumped on Twitter, evidently Slater was trending. That’s pathetic. Zack with a nice little win over the one man jobber. Mitchell Cool is just grating on my nerves now.

Ted DiBiase gets to take on Jinder Mahal, who gets an inset promo. Cool is just repeating the same compliant about the babyfaces. Cool trying to be ironic but even Matthews is laughing at him. They finally talk about the match a couple of minutes in. DiBiase gets a cheap win. Not exactly convincing for a rising star.

The WWE is really digging bringing down people to the ring and going to commercial. Big Show starting off with a Brock Lesnar reference. Oh shit, another 3 hour Raw? I hope @MissieBird is ready to drink. Mark Henry doing his thing as usual. Henry offers a truce. Show shakes his hand. Herny finally sucker punches Show. Henry ends up getting the worst of the beating.

Hornswoggle announces the entrant into the next match which is David Otunga against Sheamus. What little of Otunga I got to see, he seemed like he moved smoother than he used to. Too bad his mic work still sucks. Mystery video package.

Cool gets to jabber on about how terrible Daniel Bryan is. Rhodes is picking him apart. The whole  Mitchell Cool irony thing can only get him so far. Have other criticisms, please. We get a commercial break as a temporary respite. Evidently Bryan still hasn’t proved anything to Cool. Matthews has lost some defense points since the opening of the show. Booker attacks Cody. Good, neither of these guys deserved to lose. They’re both going up and neither can afford it to the other person. To a champion, sure.

Our weekly Aksana segment. She wants a show on WWE Network. They’ll need shows like she’s suggesting, right? Rhodes demnads a match with Booker T with the IC Title on the line. Could we make it more clear that Booker is losing? Glad Aksana was staring at Rhodes. I can’t handle Cool any more. I FF his 32nd rant of the night. Bring it down a notch for some of the segments. Randy Orton says he has Wade Barrett just where he wants him. Solid short promo.

I hope Orton doesn’t beat my boy Dolph Ziggler in less than 7:53. Dolph dominates until about the two minute warning. Barrett interferes but Orton still gets the always convenient pin two seconds before time elapses. Ziggler gets powerbombed into a table for his choice. That is a stupid stipulation to choose. Look at Cena losing to Sheamus a couple of years ago! Hell, they might do the same angle. -Kevin

@ZackRyder: New Z! True Long Island Story features… Mr. Belding??

If you’re not watching Zack Ryder’s “Z! True Long Island Story” on YouTube, shame on you. It’s probably the most entertaining five minutes of WWE-related viewing available for free (and sometimes even better than the shit they make us pay for). This week’s show is simultaneously a good and bad place to start: For one, the “Very Broski Christmas” segment is funny in that typical, Ryder-is-endearing way, and the show kicks off with an introduction from Dennis Haskins, aka Mr. Belding from “Saved By the Bell”! (Wait… bell… ding… OH, I get it!!)

Not that I’m a master videographer or anything, but my one criticism of this episode is that Ryder inserts about six minutes worth of footage from Monday Night Raw into the show. Are you serious, bro? I watch your show to get away from Raw, not to relive it. Just saying.

We’re also treated to a promo from Dolph Zigger, and, I can’t lie, “Z! True Long Island Story” was the vehicle that moved me from “that shitty Dolph Ziggler needs to change his name or go away” to “the only reason I watch Monday Night Raw most weeks.” #GettingRubFromRyder -Eric

%d bloggers like this: