Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #ImpactWrestling

How gay was Michelangelo? Look at that woman. Possibly the single greatest artist ever but he was so gay.

After Jeremy’s post about why pay for an Impact Wrestling pay per view and a small discussion amongst the staff, we’ve decided to start reviewing Impact Wrestling on the site. I used to shake my wares solely on Twitter (@Stuntgranny or when someone else high jacks that account @difrango11) but we do get more eyeballs on the site. Maybe someone else will man this post, but I doubt it. I’m the only one who doesn’t have to bend his time around a woman. Or like Eric, completely hide the fact that he watches wrestling.

Just to solidify Jeremy’s point of view, they do a full review of Genesis and the fact that they’re airing for free, two weeks later the two big matches from that pay per view. Oh, we also talked about this dilemma on our audio. Jeremy & I also talked about how one of Gail Kim’s fan sites are now following us on Twitter. We’ll achieve wrestling dominance at some point. Bobby Roode comes down to start the in ring portion of the night. I’m not sure why he needs to do the opener. He’s going to get plenty of in ring time, right? I should mention to that I read the paltry spoilers but I’ve forgotten everything except for the two main event match results. Sting comes down and does baby talk with Bobby. Why did I say I’d do this? Roode says he’s the champion but somehow that means he’s not an employee. What a dumb statement. So the preview of the show gave away the big surprise about the main event match. Wow, what a dumb operation. Don’t put that in your preview. We get a Direct commercial with Matt Morgan & Crimson who are suddenly best buddies. They run down Team Robbie as they should. Just a terrible start.

Robbie E & Robbie T come to the ring first. Crimson & Morgan come down. I haven’t thought for long about why they teamed them up. I wonder if Morgan is helping show Crimson the ropes since his in ring work wasn’t the best. Morgan is pretty smooth. What a squash match. I’m not sure why they didn’t protect their TV Champion who spent the better part of two months going after that belt from Eric Young. Magnus & Samoa Joe attack Crimson & Morgan from behind. I can get behind that feud.

We get review of Gunner vs Garrett Bischoff. The Eric variety of Bischoff comes out after the review. We’re given the umpteenth review of Bischoff’s career. Garrett comes out to answer him. The only hook is that Garrett has a new trainer and Eric will be shocked by the answer. We haven’t seen Hulk Hogan in a while. That’s my bet. Winter & Angelina Love talk. What terrible characters. I used to really like Angelina. I was high on Winter. Neither has done jack recently.

We get a review of of Eric Young & ODB. I feel like I’m watching Smackdown with all of these reviews. Christy Hemme is smoking tonight. Angelina is accompanying Winter & EY is with ODB. I have a fondness for EY & ODB. It’s the right level of cheese. First time I’ve liked EY in ages. The director does the right thing and zooms in on a shot so that EY would stop being distracting. What a douche. ODB gets the pin since Winter hasn’t been worth TV time recently.

AJ Styles comes out while we get more review. He calls out Kazarian. No surprise here. Frankie doesn’t answer but Christopher Daniels does. Daniels like he has something over Kazarian. AJ tosses the mic at Daniels. Kazarian is definitely being held against his will. I’m pretty sure the pay off will suck.

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Stunt Granny Poll: Were you ever in a backyard wrestling league?

If you were, pleeeease leave a comment with any information about it (your character, your gimmick, your finishing move, the fed’s name, the best memory from the league). There’s an audio a-brewin’!

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