Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Frozen Diamond Face Off between Ohio State & Michigan at Progressive Field in Cleveland.

I hope you had a good weekend. I did in the fine city of Cleveland. I had some fantastic beer at the Market Garden Brewery (St. Emeric’s Stout was the best. The Pearl Street Wheat was a close second.) then I picked up some killer andouille sausage and Krakow keilbasa at the West Side Market. At night, wegot to eat at Fahrenheit. Absolutely fantastic food, highly recommended if you don’t mind dropping $25+ on a meal. We attended the game on Sunday. Michigan put a serious hurting on OSU. I was not surprised to hear (although I didn’t confirm) that Michigan has ten NHL draft picks. OSU (also not confirmed) has five draft picks. That’s a whole lot of talent on the ice. Great time if you don’t mind being outside in 25 degree temperatures. Enough about the weekend, let’s roll.

Mick Foley gets to hear the same reaction he heard when the Rock was beating the tar out of him all of those years ago with a chair since they’re in Anaheim, absolutely nothing. They are easily the worst crowd in wrestling. A Pro Wrestling Ohio crowd has a better reaction. Dolph comes down and runs down Foley. Dolph killed. Foley did a good job of playing his part. CM Punk then arrives. Punk does a good job of mixing comedy and being serious. Johnny Wooden GM kills the momentum. Jesus, this crowd actually does something but only chants “What?” Fuck Anaheim. Johnny Law says no Mick Foley in the Royal Rumble. Somehow I get the idea he’s going to get in or else they wouldn’t have floated the idea out there. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler recap the dunce move of giving away the tag titles at a house show.

Rosa smokes more than the andouille sausage I bought. At least we got the footage. They have less light at their house show footage than PWO. Terrible. Of course Bourne took the pin. He’s taking the beating to start the match too. Did I mention that it’s not fair the Hunico & his man crush get stuck with a low rider bike and Epico & Primo get Rosa? The tag titles mean jack. Johnny is back in our lives. He mysteriously talks to someone. The reveal is Jericho who turns off the lights and let’s the jacket sign. OK, I’m amused by the mute act again.

Zack Ryder still gets Eve Torres. He goes serious to sell the injury and show his resolve. He can work on the facials a bit. I like the message though. Kane replay.

We got Jack Swagger before the commercial break. Ryder arrives after. How the mighty have fallen. Ryder kicks out of the Swagger Bomb. Even worse, he kicks out of a second. A third one does him in. For some reason, they give him the title. I’m confused. I love Zack and all but he’s not ready to move up the card, the usual reason for losing that title. Is he injured? Did I miss something other than the crowd going crazy for him?

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WWE blows chance to let tag titles earn two thin dimes, Epico & Primo win belts at house show

According to Prowrestling.net, Epico & Primo beat Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston at Sunday’s WWE house show in Oakland, Calif., to win the WWE Tag Team Titles. For those of you who have been following along, Epico & Primo have defeated the now-former tag team champions numerous times on television, including WWE Tribute to the Troops, a December 2011 edition of Superstars, and other times I’m failing to recall because WWE doesn’t create any sort of importance with this title. Which leads me to…

… my idea for the tag titles that’s now shot all to hell. It’s funny, because I was actually thinking about this on the toilet Sunday morning: To put a little emphasis on this simmering feud, segment 3 of Raw this week could have seen Air Boom being introduced for a match, and Epico & Primo attacking them on the ramp. Replay replay replay, by which time the Os have returned backstage to be interviewed by Josh Mathews about their motives: “We’ve pinned them three times and still haven’t gotten a title shot!” Boom, done. How hard was that? That’s not to say WWE can’t make chicken salad out of this chicken shit; as I postulated in a previous article, WWE had cameras at this house show, footage from which they could show tonight, which would also feature the shiny new lighted stage! I’m peeing my pants with excitement as I write! Oops, better hold it, Bourne could use it to pass his next piss test. -Eric

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