Stunt Granny Audio Show #173

Oh yes boys and girls its time to get that booty shaking and listen to another edition of The Stunt Granny Audio Show.  Jeremy and Kevin are on the controls this week and they get a chance to talk some wrestling. The boys discuss last week’s episode of PWO Wrestling. What worked, what didn’t and what was really annoying? How cute is Veda Scott? No really, she is adorable. Oh yeah, the guys discuss her promo so this isn’t totally out of the blue. Honest. No really. (Veda, Kevin is single…wink, wink, call him no seriously direct message me @difrango11.) Um, anyway, they also dip their toes in the WWE pool and they discuss the imminent John Cena Heel Hilarity ™. They explain this one so don’t worry about it being a ten minute bashfest. So listen up as other things are bound to come up and it will all be worth your while.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #173

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Velvet Sky is the latest to steal this iconic design.

We get review from last week then a brawl between Jeff Hardy and Bully Ray. A brawl to start this show is almost as predictable as the WWE starting with a 10-15 minute yapfest. Jeff just used a short broom. Kind of like the short bus he took to school. Nice to know there’s a storage room with all of Abyss’s goodies in it. Naturally, Bobby Roode is the only person to pull up and see this brawl happening. James Storm‘s Spidey Sense must have been tingling to let him know that Jeff was in trouble. Sting must have Spidey Sense too. He shouldn’t be attacking anyone anymore.

Velvet Sky, Tara and Mickie James are in a three way dance for a title shot. I honestly thought Mickie earned that last week. We get a commercial before much of anything happens. Wow, Tara wins after using Velvet to nail Mickie with a side slam sandwich. That was surprising. They could have used to hype her more recently. Gail Kim brags for a bit. It’s just weird that she’s looking away from the camera. I was fine with the message.

We get a replay of the opener. I hate this quick of a replay no matter what league. Hardy looks to be in really good shape. Not sure he’s ever been this toned up. Sting calls out Roode & Bully Ray. They have a mini-brawl that Sting breaks up. I can handle that. Of course the imaginary line doesn’t work. They need to get better at teasing what might happen on the show unless it was announced the week before. Tag team tables match is our main event. Alex Shelley says that Zima Ion isn’t up to snuff yet. Alex is more polished but Zima will get there if he keeps working.

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Hulk Hogan claims he was offered a spot in Metallica, I herniate myself laughing at the thought

In an interview with NME.com, world champion pro wrestler and maybe-above-average bassist Hulk Hogan claims he was very nearly a member of the band Metallica. Read on, because this is rich:

The wrestler, who stars in his own reality TV series Hogan Knows Best, said that he used to be close mates with the metal titans’ drummer Lars Ulrich during his days as a session musician.

He told The Sun: “I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler. I played bass guitar. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days but it didn’t work out.”

I don’t even know what to think of this asshole anymore. And yes, that could apply to both Hogan and Ulrich. First of all, yes, Hulk Hogan is a bass player, so I’ll immediately concede that point. Second, this story has made its rounds for about a year now, but the legend of 14 Ultimate Warriors has been around since I was 10 years old. Now’s where I start poking holes in the story. One, Metallica was based out of Los Angeles, Calif., and formed in 1981. By this time, Hogan was already a fixture in the AWA, and even though he also wrestled for New Japan and could conceivably have had a home in L.A. for easy travel, I still call bullshit. Second, by the time we know for sure Hogan made it out to Hollywood – late 1981 or early 1982 – Metallica was basically established and not looking for a $14,000-per-movie touring pro wrestler like Hogan to play bass.

Third, and most importantly, Hulk Hogan is the type of guy who would sit in an empty room and paint a face on the side of his hand with lipstick and a permanent marker just to have someone to lie to. How heavy was Andre the Giant when Hogan pressed him over his head, brother? 850 pounds? And how many people did he do it in front of? 900 infinity million, dude? To call Hogan a “consummate bullshit artist” is an insult to consummate bullshit artists; this guy is the fucking Mad Libs of cockamamie. “Yeah, brother, I was supposed to (verb) with (proper noun), but an (adjective) (noun) wouldn’t let me/wouldn’t give me the (absurd dollar figure) he should have, dude!”

So anyway, I would take this news with a grain of salt big enough to send you into cardiac arrest. I won’t believe it until Lars Ulrich himself tells me, at which point I’ll be too busy slapping him for the awful quality of “St. Anger.” -Eric

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