Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

We start the show off with a de-bait. Wokka Wokka.

We start with review of “Embracing The Hate” then Kane tells us he wants Cena to embrace it before the end of the night. Kabe also wants to take someone out of the arena in an ambulance. Wow, a debate to start the show? What an awful way to retread the same fifteen minute opening segment. Oh goody, we get Johnny Wooden GM to really set this show on fire. CM Punk gets to answer first. Dolph Ziggler says something but I can’t looking at his hideous vest. R Truth keeps up the comedy act. The Miz gets the next answer. He goes roast on his competitor. For some reason he gets the buzzer. Everyone else went long. He was right about Kofi being an afterthought. Kofi gets to retort. Still not sure why he doesn’t get more mic time. Chris Jericho gets to close the debate. I agree with my fellow alumni, this is fifteen minutes of my life I’m not getting back. Jericho’s jackets is somehow worse than Dolph’s vest. Trouble In Paradise. Nice exclamation mark for a soon to be jobbing Kofi.

Kofi against Jericho starts after the break. I’m glad Mitchell Cool informed us that the Walls of Jericho is a submission move. Kofi nails more Trouble but so blatantly left Jericho’s leg unhooked. If he hadn’t tucked Jericho’s arm, it wouldn’t have been as noticeable. Shawn Michaels hugs HHH back stage. I’ve got no goosebumps.

More Kane review. This time with Zack Ryder. John Cena is talking to a mystery man who happens to be Ryder. He’s got his back yet he’s going to leave him alone? Huh? Johnny and David Otunga get more TV time. Dave reminds us that Johnny isn’t the full time GM yet. Please, you can’t torture us with Johnny on both shows. Are you really that cruel to your fans? Why did it just dawn on me that Daniel Bryan is doing to Big Show what Kane is doing to Cena? Bryan is being much more successful. Mitchell Cool compliments Bryan by saying Big Show is more frustrated but then immediately runs him down when his music hits. I mean, really? The dumb level of this segment was a strong 100.

Then Cool calls Bryan a tremendous champion after the break. GAH! Big Show is taking on Randy Orton. Lawler calls shenanigans but Cool tells him to shut up so he does. What a puss. Another commercial break. That seemed awful quick. I still love Orton’s drop kick. Nice of Big Show to play along with that DDT. With the WWE’s even steven booking, Bryan losses on Sunday. Cool went back to hating on him after he left. It’s such a confusing message. It would be really tough to get me to agree that this angle is a good idea in any way.

Shawn Michaels gets the hour skit. Michaels babbles but it comes down so that HHH can give us the news we want, a HHH vs Undertaker rematch. Hey Shawn, we don’t want that. Shawn moves on to calling him a sell out. Business picks up when Shawn calls him a coward. Maybe we needed the meandering for that to pay off for the shift in tone. HHH is the end of a breed but then throws some jabs at the young guys. Not really good for business hoss. Look me in the eye honey! Tell me you didn’t cheat on me! HHH still says no to the match. Good build up thru non build up. The first 10 minutes was garbage. The last 5 was great. Was that the same video from last week?

Nice of Troy Polamalu to come to Raw. I’m a bit surprised with his religiousity, he’d be a wrestling fan. Dolph Ziggler with her hotness Vickie is fighting R Truth. So, Punk is the only babyface to win before the Chamber, right? Nothing is wrong with her top Jerry. Stop. Dolph shows up too much and gets pinned. Well played sirs. Truth needed the win more. Ziggler just had a title bout. Santino offers advice to Zack Ryder. Santino offers garlic breath strips. The comedy is not ensuing.

We get the official announcement of Tamina Snuka vs Beth Phoenix. Tamina takes on Brie Bella. What kind of a challenge is this? Taking out both of them works so that the switcharoo can’t happen. The crowd had a good reaction for her. Not sure why they haven’t used her this way before.

They did not just fucking compare Indiana Jones to Journey 2. I know the last Jones sucked but fuck off. Cena saves Eve but she kisses him. Then comically, Zack Ryder is watching in his wheelchair. HAHAHA. Eve has to explain herself after the commercial break. Eve with her tits hanging out says they were always going to be friends. I want to say it’d be great to turn him heel but he just got onto the stage as a babyface. She did give off that vibe the whole time though.

CM Punk takes on the Miz. Is this the main event? Michaels came out already. But this started around 10:48. Isn’t that too long for a Raw main event? Are they obligated to mention Polamalu in every segment after he was shown? Punk has a worn out left arm. Then Punk plants him. Miz gets the offense. Seems like some odd formatting for Punk to be injured then go on a run. I’m glad Punk is bringing back the double chop to the neck. His elbow drop is not graceful. Punk gets the tap by Anaconda Vice. OK, it’s 10:55. Something else is happening. Kane backs up with the ambulance.

John Cena is out here whining. Kane’s master plan is working according to Cena who is obviously not falling for this foley five seconds later. “We all hate you” chant busting out. He’s goes into preacher mode. He’s doing a decent job of painting himself as the underdog. Interesting tact. Zack comes out and hobbles down to ring side on his crutches. Cena gets slapped. Zack yells some more after Cena takes off his shirt. Zack tries to punch, Cena blocks and fakes a punch. The slowness of the segment is supposed to sell it but it’s bad. Come on, I just want to watch Hawaii Five-O. Kane mocks Cena for stealing Zack’s woman. Kane’s going to win. Zack gets dumped off the ramp. Who didn’t see that coming? Eve is out to show off ther tits again.  Those things are magnificent. The announcers are in silent mode. Surprised they’re not going quiet voice by now. That kid is awesome. She was not going to be the next scowling girl. -Kevin

4 Responses

  1. My favorite part was when the guy’s “Fire Cole. We want Tony Schiavone” sign was confiscated in the background.

  2. It was right at the beginning of the Kofi/Jericho match. Huge yellow sign about 5 rows back. Ya see it, camera cuts away, camera cuts right back and security has it folded up, walking away.

  3. I’ve been in deep thought about Mitchell vs. T-Bone. I think id want T-Bone. He’s a dick (listen to bobby heenan), but he hides it on camera and actually calls the action. Plus I think Lawler could revert back a bit, being extra funny/heelish while T-Bone plays the goody two shoes.

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