Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Road to Wrestlemania starts today.

So I’m starting Raw late because I’m rewatching the Elimination Chamber. I’ve fastforwarded through most of John Cena versus Kane. There was more filler in this match than I thought. Booker is also playing up Cena being uber-happy. I don’t how positive a person you are (pointing a finger at myself) there comes a time when things just aren’t going well. An easy example for me would be my divorce. Was it a good thing? Hell yes. Did it still drag me down? Hell yes. Cena should have gotten down a bit more in parts of this angle, especially the ones involving Zack Ryder. Time for Raw. Let’s roll.

We get replay of said angle. Every single sad shot is show to prove that I’m an ass. Actually, they’re still wrong. Eve is talking to the Bellas. Eve used Zack Ryder to get popularity. Eve is going to use John Cena too. Um, how about not doing this on TV? Or when John Cena is right behind you. Why did you turn Eve? What the fuck? I mean, she’s inconsequential so why spend the beginning of your biggest show to her? I’m confused. Cena comes to the ring after the intro. Eve comes down and tries to apologize. I’m even more confused now. Cena tells her to wait for the Rock because they’re scandilous bitches. She’s the Rock’s proxy? What the hell is the point of your main babyface running down a ho? Who’s Wheaties did she pee in?

The newest vignette for Taker says that HHH‘s fate will be sealed tonight. Hooray. Sheamus takes on Mark Henry after the break. Mitchell Cool rehashing Henry being suspended. Jerry Lawler correctly pointing out that Henry being bribed for his vote. I just said something positive about Lawler. Nice Funkasaurus Extinct? sign. Why is Cool cheering on the flying shoulder block? Why? So it just dawned on me during their Twitter blow job, did they have that angle just so Ryder & Cena can be friends? Still a colossal mistake for an opening segment. Sheamus gets out of the World’s Strongest Slam and nails Henry with the Brogue Kick. Johnny Wooden GM & David Otunga are talking about themselves. Teddy Long stops by for some business. They’re not brands. Johnny may be taller, but Teddy rocks suits so much better. David Otunga gets a match against anyone on Smackdown.

The Rock returns next week. But he’s never going to leave the WWE again. That joke won’t get old for me. Sorry if you’re groaning. R Truth & Kofi Kingston are back on the tag circuit against Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Kofi is on a roll when Rosa distracts him. Kofi counters out of the Back Stabber and nails Trouble in Paradise. Undercard filler.

Not quite caught up. But DAMN! what a great inductee. Ron Simmons was one of my favorites starting back with Butch Reed & Teddy Long. Oh, my buddy Ken & I dressed as the KPA at one of my bro’s parties. Keg Protection Agency. We get more replay of Elimination Chamber. Chris Jericho is with Josh Matthews. He was knocked out. He was legally eliminated. Jericho trying to get heat but people cheer. Jericho vows to win the battle royal. Of course you will.

David Otunga gets to take on Ezekiel Jackson. We get to find out how far in the dog house Jackson is. Otunga gives Zeke a Simmons like spinebuster. Cool gets to have camera time to cheer on Johnny. This replay involves last week’s Raw. Nice break from the EC. It’s about HHH & Shawn Michaels. Taker is next.

I grab a beer while Taker comes to the ring. I also started my potato and cauliflower mash. Taker wants to end the uncertainty. He was surprised by the no. I hear apocalypse and HHH not having a choice. Sure. Par for the course. If HHH is reformed, shouldn’t he have new music? HHH tells Taker to carry the torch for the next generation. He doesn’t want to kill Taker. HHH tells Taker he knows he’s at the end of his rope. Taker pulls out the coward card. Not quite a punk card. HHH gets angry then restrains himself. HHH still says no and leaves the ring. Cool camera shot with Taker and HHH being shown on the video screen. Taker plunks down the punk card by saying HHH can’t do it as good as Shawn Michaels. HHH knows he can finish it. The crowd chants “Prove It”. I so wanted HHH to turn him down. The crowd pops huge for the announcement. HHH will face him but only in the Hell In A Cell. I can’t believe that won’t be the main event. Taker doesn’t take the hood off. Save the surprise for later.

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Stunt Granny Audio Show: WW Elimination Chamber 2012 review

Yeah that’s right it is time for a WWE PPV review. Are you excited? Well you should be as there hasn’t been one of thee in a log while. Jeremy and Kevin painstakingly go over WWE’s Elimination Chamber and it is a doozy. Who liked the show? What impressed them the most and what left them scratching their heads? Who had the performance of the night and does it even matter? How good is Santino in convincing people he may actually win? Why was Khali even on the PPV? Where the hell was Zack Ryder? How about Eve Torres? Is it time to scrap this show or actually try and make it matter? All you have to do is listen to find out. So do that now, listen and comment.

Stunt Granny Audio Show- WWE Elimination Chamber 2012 Review

Elimination #Chamber Grades

There were five matches on this card. I’d love to grade this show on a two point system but that’d be giving too much credit to Beth Phoenix & Tamina and Jack Swagger & Justin Gabriel. The WWE also squeezed in a segment for some returning from injury Superstars so that makes six segments. To come around to a nice eleven count, I’ll grade the Elimination Chamber matches as three points each, one point to the Divas, the GM summit & US Title match and two points for the main event of Kane versus John Cena in an Ambulance Match.

The Raw Elimination Chamber – The above video is Chris Jericho ranting about not actually losing in the Elimination Chamber because he wasn’t pinned or submitted. I’d love to have heard Michael Bisping complain to the UFC that he wasn’t knocked out by Dan Henderson. Funny what you can do in fake wrestling to garner heat. I expected the match to go this way because CM Punk shouldn’t have dropped the strap even if it was to Jericho. It had been batted around for a while and deserves a home for an extended period. Kofi provided the usual spot monkey moves. The Miz got the best of the build up in the match itself.R  Truth & Dolph Ziggler were in there just to fill spots which is too bad especially for my boy. Score: +2.

Beth Phoenix vs Tamina Snuka – The announcers couldn’t drive home the Snuka point more than they did. Of course Tamina will remind you of her dad if she uses the exact same move set that he did. The WWE did their best to show Beth in peril so that she could look strong in victory against an opponent that was the same size as her. The problem as usual is that the WWE doesn’t use enough time to build up the women. I don’t expect their league to be built around it. If you’re going to have the division though, do it right. Beth heads in to Wrestlemania for a show down with Kharma, I imagine. That didn’t help last night. Score: 0.

Johnny Wooden GM Summit – If they’re going to continue having Super Shows, I’m all for having one GM. If it ends up being Johnny, I’ll want to gauge my eyes out. Teddy Long has been perfect on Smackdown favoring the babyfaces, not piling on the heels and generally staying off my TV more than on it like any GM should.  David Otunga still sucks. A returning Alberto Del Rio got almost no reaction so I can’t wait for the WWE to shove him down our throats again. Mark Henry came out and delivered the only funny part of the segment by claiming he was bullied by Teddy Long. Christian got more of a response but he got no mic time to try and drag this segment out of the abyss. Score: -1.

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