Elimination #Chamber Grades

There were five matches on this card. I’d love to grade this show on a two point system but that’d be giving too much credit to Beth Phoenix & Tamina and Jack Swagger & Justin Gabriel. The WWE also squeezed in a segment for some returning from injury Superstars so that makes six segments. To come around to a nice eleven count, I’ll grade the Elimination Chamber matches as three points each, one point to the Divas, the GM summit & US Title match and two points for the main event of Kane versus John Cena in an Ambulance Match.

The Raw Elimination Chamber – The above video is Chris Jericho ranting about not actually losing in the Elimination Chamber because he wasn’t pinned or submitted. I’d love to have heard Michael Bisping complain to the UFC that he wasn’t knocked out by Dan Henderson. Funny what you can do in fake wrestling to garner heat. I expected the match to go this way because CM Punk shouldn’t have dropped the strap even if it was to Jericho. It had been batted around for a while and deserves a home for an extended period. Kofi provided the usual spot monkey moves. The Miz got the best of the build up in the match itself.R  Truth & Dolph Ziggler were in there just to fill spots which is too bad especially for my boy. Score: +2.

Beth Phoenix vs Tamina Snuka – The announcers couldn’t drive home the Snuka point more than they did. Of course Tamina will remind you of her dad if she uses the exact same move set that he did. The WWE did their best to show Beth in peril so that she could look strong in victory against an opponent that was the same size as her. The problem as usual is that the WWE doesn’t use enough time to build up the women. I don’t expect their league to be built around it. If you’re going to have the division though, do it right. Beth heads in to Wrestlemania for a show down with Kharma, I imagine. That didn’t help last night. Score: 0.

Johnny Wooden GM Summit – If they’re going to continue having Super Shows, I’m all for having one GM. If it ends up being Johnny, I’ll want to gauge my eyes out. Teddy Long has been perfect on Smackdown favoring the babyfaces, not piling on the heels and generally staying off my TV more than on it like any GM should.  David Otunga still sucks. A returning Alberto Del Rio got almost no reaction so I can’t wait for the WWE to shove him down our throats again. Mark Henry came out and delivered the only funny part of the segment by claiming he was bullied by Teddy Long. Christian got more of a response but he got no mic time to try and drag this segment out of the abyss. Score: -1.

Smackdown Elimination Chamber – I had forgotten that Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes had needled Big Show about his Wrestlemania record so it was a nice touch to have them be the first three men in. It was a plus over Raw which started with two baby faces. It was interesting that they combined to beat him so I’ll call a nice handicapped match for Wrestlemania for those three. Khali deserves a sentence. Santino could be more than a comedy act as he proved in this match but considering the bevy of Rocky inspired vignettes before the match, that won’t be happening. He did keep the crowd involved and chanting for him while he was in there especially when he nailed the Cobra on Daniel Bryan. I’m glad Bryan kept the strap. His chicken shitness hit another level considering he only pinned a jobber who the crowd happens to adore. Score: +3.

Jack Swagger vs Justin Gabriel – I expected the filler match to be about the tag team straps in my preview but this match did the same trick. Filler to make sure they didn’t end the PPV too early which they still almost did. It’d be nice if the WWE cared about their undercard or belts other than the WWE & Worlc Championships. Score: 0.

John Cena vs Kane in an Ambulance Match – I noted this in my review but the dueling Cena chants made the venue as loud as it had been the whole night. Males in my age bracket, if you really want to get rid of Cena stop shouting Cena sucks. It allows the WWE to keep him in the main event despite the fact that he doesn’t have a title belt. It wasn’t a particularly good brawl but it worked for me. They didn’t try any nonsense like a head lock or arm bar. The end spot with Kane going off the ambulance by way of Attitude Adjustment made for a nice visual but it drug out a foregone conclusion since Cena had to climb down then put Kane on the gurney before finishing the match. Score: +1.

Final Score: 5/11. I’ll be back for a short podcast talking over the Elimination Chamber with Jeremy later today. We hope. -Kevin

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