Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

I had no idea there was a Vietnamese Restaurant across the street.

I’m so glad to have learned that I have a Vietnamese restaurant named Lac Viet. I love watching No Reservations and Bizarre Foods. I also watch a large batch of cooking shows. Any show that has mentioned Vietnam, they’ve raved about Pho. I got my first taste of it this past Sunday. I finished the leftovers before I started this review. Ridiculously awesome stuff. Anybody that comes to Columbus will get to try this place. Just excellent. Enough about food. Let’s roll.

We get review of Sting/Bobby Roode/James Storm. I love how Brandon Jacobs is “returning” to iMPACT. Stupid taping schedule. I might have to start drinking during this show anytime they mention Twitter. They’re getting to be as bad as the WWE. Bobby Roode runs down Sting and claims that he is going to retire tonight. Crimson & Matt Morgan are arguing. They’re going to win back the tag titles. They come out shortly after. Samoa Joe & Magnus come out. Tenay is still selling the unbeaten streak of Crimson. No one cares. Crimson nails the pole with a shoulder as they hit a commercial break.

Morgan gets the hot tag not long after the break ends. Joe makes the weakest save I’ve ever seen. Then Magnus runs at Crimson after Joe got knocked down. How dumb. It looks like Morgan & Crimson are going to feud again. Another communication gaffe. The segment makes sense now but I still hate them breaking up. Why did they get put together in the first place?

Brandon Jacobs comes out from the back this week. Evidently he’s drinking buddies with James Storm. He is not doing well. Jacobs shouldn’t have been past the guard rail. He’s back in Bully’s territory because they have unfinished business. He calls out Bully Ray. He does a good job with the chicken shit heel promo. They go to break as Jacobs runs after him.

Jacobs is still looking for him in the back. James Storm and Jeff Hardy stop him and give him an offer he likes. Zema Ion is taking on Alex Shelley. Ion starts things out with a drop kick thru the ropes. Shelley is allowed to recover when he gets tossed into the ring. Austin Aries comes out for a ring side seat. Good match so far as Shelley hits a suicide dive. Ion uses the hair spray to blind Shelley, nails a couple of moves and gets the win.

They recap the Eric/Garrett Bischoff feud. Garrett is going to keep on fighting. Everyone loses matches, why is this loss so big? Hogan reminds him that he’s going to have a bulls eye on his back because of his father. For some reason, Garrett’s going to get jumped. Um, why aren’t people jumping people all the time then? Madison Rayne says that Gail’s competition wasn’t good enough for Gail. I have said I think heels should turn on each other more but having Gail & Madison along with Ion & Aries going at the same time makes things really strange.

Continue reading

The Art of Wrestling: T-Shirt Factory

TNA had a problem with ripping off Afflicition and generally being lazy. The WWE isn’t much further behind. They aren’t lazy in cranking out shirts. The WWE also isn’t ripping off another company for their designs lazy. They are guilty of just being plain lazy when it comes to imagining shirts. Part of the problem has got to be the wrestlers themselves as Zack Ryder (Not a great shirt but certainly better than those about to get lambasted), CM Punk (I dig the hometown loyalty) and Santino Marella (Appropriate given his character) all have some interest in the “Authentic” category of WWE shirts. They have categories for Authentic, Basics, Limited Edition, Old School, Retro (I’m not sure what the difference is between those two categories) Superstar Logo, Top Rope and WWE Officially Licensed. I thought it was important to note the amount of categories because it helps my argument that they’re just a t shirt factory instead of going for quality shirts that are more likely to sell. I’m not surprised that two of the three shirts mentioned above are top sellers.

The first person on this list is my boy Dolph Ziggler. The WWE uses their brilliant naming of said Superstar to go straight for the Boogie Nights theme of neon lights. I’d be on board for that idea but they were super lazy with the design. It’s just the beginning of his song “I Am Perfection” in white, surrounded by blue with his initials “DZ” tacked onto the bottom. There isn’t a graphic in sight. On the back, it’s the same deal except it’s his name in white with the same blue surround. I know in the past I’ve harped on simplicity but this goes a bit too simple. There’s a borderline and this one falls on the lazy side of boring.

Dolph Ziggler’s newest offering isn’t any better. It says “It’s Not Show-ing Off” on five lines. The lettering is mainly white with a splashes of blue. The blue may be a picture but it’s hard to tell even with the magnifying glass. “If You Back It Up” is on the back of the shirt with the same white and blue patterns. It’s completely and utterly uninspired. I think it’s safe to say that Dolph didn’t major in marketing or have any friends who went to the Fashion School at Kent State.

Next on the list is the biggest offender (wokka wokka) is the Big Show. The first problem was that John Cena has been wearing dog tags for quite some time. Second, John Cena has switched from the jorts to the camo shorts before Big Show changed his attire. I don’t understand two of your biggest stars having the same look. With those problems in tow, the WWE decides to go with a shirt that has the initials “W.M.D.” on the front, dog bones for enlisted rank insignia on a sleeve and on the back it says “Big Show” with seven stars below it then “Precision Strike” on two lines. It’s just another shirt that screams “lazy”.

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: