Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to play Hercules in new, exciting film

According to Prowrestling.net, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will play Hercules in an upcoming movie, “Hercules: The Thracian War,” directed by Brett Ratner, who directed the “Rush Hour” series as well as producing “Santa’s Slay,” starring Bill Goldberg. So he knows how to turn a steaming pile of shit into a silver-screen event.

You may also recognize the Hercules character from such mishaps as, well, “Hercules” (1964, with some foreign actor), “Hercules” (1983, with Lou Ferrigno), and, of course, Hercules. Even the 1997 Disney movie, “Hercules,” was a minor success at best (in spite of the casting of Bobcat Goldthwait, and despite the casting of Max Headroom). So keep an eye out for this new flick about whatever the Thracian War was on the $5 shelf at your nearby Target. -Eric

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