Headlines: School commons named after a McMahon, John Cena all over media, Iron Sheik/WrestleMania rumors

"Iran, numbar von! Meeses Kennedy McMahon, numbar von! Beeg Daddy Vee, ACK-TOOEY!"

Far be it from me to make a picture of scantily clad Beulah McGillicutty drop further down our front page, but this is important news, people! According to Prowrestling.net, Sacred Heart University, of Fairfield, Conn., will name its student commons area after longtime Board of Trustees member and all-around swell gal Linda McMahon. Of course, McMahon is running for U.S. Senate again, so throwing money at the Catholics in a Northeast state will make her look like, well, 5 million bucks. Clearly the decision makers at Sacred Heart University never received their copy of WWE Backlash 2006 on DVD.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, John Cena has been all over the damn place (and rightfully so, since he kills his media appearances every time) promoting WWE WrestleMania 28. Notable soundbites include Cena on HLN calling out the guys of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” one year out from WrestleMania 29, to be held in Jersey; Cena explicitly laying out his beef with the Rock on SI.com, citing quotes like, “I’ll never go back to wrestling”; and Cena taking the bullet for the spinner belt idea plus praising Tyler Black on some random radio show. You’d think with as much talking as this guy does that he could cut a promo that wasn’t completely tone-deaf, but he’s still interesting to listen to outside a WWE venue.

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, both Iron Sheik and Viscera/Big Daddy V/Mabel/King Mabel have reportedly altered their WrestleMania weekend bookings with other promotions, leading folks to believe these two may appear in some fashion at WrestleMania 28. A) How terrible would it be if Big Daddy V took Albert’s rumored spot as John Laurinitis’ henchman? (That’s a real question for Dusty and a rhetorical one for everyone else.) B) Fast Fact: It would take Iron Sheik longer to walk to the ring than it would the 500-pound Viscera. C) Don’t let Evan Bourne anywhere near Iron Sheik.  

Beulah McGillicutty wrote a children’s book?

Simple reason to post pics of chicks in bikinis.

So who knew Beulah McGillicutty was an author of children’s books? Put your hands down liars no one knew that. Apparently though she has some connections through Mick Foley and she has indeed published her first children’s book titled” Gerturde the Great.” It is written under her actual name of  Trisa Laughlin for no fact other than to distance herself from her wrestling moniker and history.

It seems like it has the basic themes any children’s book contains and really who cares because children are stupid anyway. They have no comprehension and primarily are just glaring at the pretty colors. What sets it apart is that it has artwork by Jill Thompson and she is a rather amazing artist. Jill is also the same artist for Mick Foley’s children’s books as well as longtime comics professional and is responsible for Scary Godmother. If you haven’t read these stop reading. Go on to Amazon.com and order them already. You can wait for the punch line here so get to it. I included the link damnit.

There is also news that Beulah may write an autobiography. Here is hoping it contains scintillating stories of Tommy Dreamers sweaty balls only because I imagine them being wrought with moisture at all times of the day, much like mine . Oh and it has to contain the proper technique for masturbating with a silver vibrator; cause that shit was hot. -Jeremy

Yokozuna added to WWE Hall of Fame class of 2012

Bonzai!

WWE has announced yet another induction in to the fictional WWE Hall of Fame. The final inductee is Yokozuna. This is pretty good news because Yokozuna was fantastic. Sure he got a little to heavy at the end of his career but at the onset he was great. He may not have been Japanese but as a joyful tween it didn’t matter nor was it noticeable. Damn you dirt sheets for ruining it for me and planting subtle seeds of racism in my tender mind.

On a down note; Yokozuna is yet another wrestler no longer on this earthly palate that WWE has inducted. They are near perfect with inducting one dead wrestler a year since The Hall of Fame’s inception. Don’t believe me? Well here is a list.

1993 Andre The Giant
1994 “Nature Boy” Buddy Rogers
1995 Antonino Rocca
1996 Vincent J. McMahon
2004 Big John Studd
2004 Junkyard Dog
2005 none
2006 Eddie Guerrero
2007 Mr. Perfect” Curt Hennig
2008 “High Chief” Peter Maivia
2008 Eddie Graham
2009 The Von Erichs (Fritz,Kerry,David,Mike,Chris)
2010 Gorgeous George
2010 Stu Hart
2011 Road Warrior Hawk
2012 Yokozuna

There is only one year that a dead wrestler avoided induction and that was the stellar class of 2005. Now if Hogan, according to his book, had pulled the trigger you would have an after the fact dead guy in the Hall of fame but as it stands he is slowly killing himself working in Orlando. So, shouldn’t be too much longer really.
So congratulations to the family of Yokozuna. -Jeremy

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