Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I’m tired but I’m going to start doing this review. I might not finish it before I sleep. I don’t care. It’ll get finished once the dogs take a nap later today. It’s 12:42 AM EST. Let’s roll.

We get a review of the Victory Road main event, Sting vs Bobby Roode. They showed film of Roode getting ready to attack Dixie Carter. Roode is hard to take seriously with dry hair. So I’m glad I didn’t pay for this pay per view. Roode duct taped Sting to the ropes. Oh, we’re going to still shoots now. Dixie attacked as Sting’s shield. Back to still shoots. Weird combo of review. Back to film. Don’t you have to fire a guy who is that insubordinate? I can’t attack my boss and keep my job. Dixie Carter comes out first. More disrespect is being tossed out by Bobby Roode. The crowd is right “Fire Bobby”. Sting comes out. He gives the old “not the right kind of revenge” speech. The crowd go sheep. For some reason, they go to commercial thinking this is a cliff hanger.

Sting is relinquishing his GM duties. He wants to be a wrestler. Not a GM. He’s got to rest because of his concussion. Sting’s got a man for the job. It’s Hulk Hogan. Sting tells her to trust him because he’s “real” now. I’m not dicking around with previews or ring entrances. Bully Ray is super freaking pissed. He’s going to take hostages out.

Zema Ion, Anthony Neese and Kid Kash take on Austin Aries for the X Division Title after a commercial break. Two weird breaks to start the show. They’re still protraying Aries as a heel. You wait for a baby face pop to bring you back. He will get some cheers. The match was fine until Bully Ray takes out everyone. He saves Aries for last. Good way to get his heat back. The Mexicans show back up and their car is being towed. They are questioned to win their car back. Anarquia can’t spell Guadalajara. I needed spell check. They are going to wait until after their match so that they can earn the money back. Stupid.

Rosita & Sarita are taking on ODB & Eric Young. Tazz admits that the wedding will have a hitch since all wrestling weddings do.Rosita tries to act tough to ODB. Sarita comes in to do the heavy lifting for the heels. Rosita comes back in for some reason. EY does cart wheels after the hot tag.  EY has pink trunks on. ODB goes jealous rage. She gets mad at EY but still kisses him. ODB shoves him onto Rosita for the pin. Weird.

Crimson vs Matt Morgan is revisited. Crimson wonders why he wasn’t on the lame Direct Auto commercials. They fight next week on iMPACT. That is so stupid. That HAS to be a PPV match. Morgan attacks him.

Jeff Hardy is talking about Kurt Angle. Hardy says Angle cheated to win so he needs to meet him in a cage so he can’t cheat. Joseph Park stops in. I want to FF thru this history lesson about Bobby Roode & James Storm but it’s well put together. James Storm hits the ring. Storm wants football to be all year long. He doesn’t want $4.00 a gallon gas either. He tells Roode he shouldn’t hit women. I hope they give him the title. Storm invites him down to beat the hell out of him. William Kelly comes out as Robert Roode’s legal adviser. Nice of him to recycle Mitchell Cool’s gimmick a la Mystery GM Style. Storm gets to choose his opponent between Kazarian & Daniels. Storm makes it easy, he’s going to fight both of them tonight. Storm super kicks Kelly. Kurt Angle flips out when it’s pointed out that Garrett Bischoff won the five minute challenge. Angle wants three minutes this time.

Kurt Angle vs Garrett Bischoff is the next match. The first minute goes by with no more than pushing. Garrett gets a quick two count. Kurt tosses him outside. Gunner tosses Garrett back into the ring. Jeff Hardy makes the save.

Mexican America takes on Samoa Joe & Magnus. Hernandez is taking the beating early. The green light in the back ground is distracting me. Was it there earlier in the show and I was too tired to notice it? Super Mex looks leaner. Just as I type that, Tazz mentions it too. Maybe it’ll help him not try and maim his opponents. The ref is distracted by the ladies even though Joe has the rear naked choke locked in. There are just certain times that annoy me more than others, that’s one of them. Joe & Magnus with an easy win. I’m not sure why you don’t build up Mexican American again then have them lose but whatever. They suck so I’m fine with less air time for them. Hulk Hogan is only here because Sting called him.

We get another repo segment. Lucky us. The repo host “steals” Sarita & Rosita except he forgets to tow Anarquia’s car which was the center piece of two and a half segments. TNA had been moving in the right direction but this episode has been a disaster. Kazarian comes to the ring but Daniels hides somewhere. Storm catches Daniels trying to ambush him. Did they really fire Vince Russo? Why are Daniels & Kazarian fighting already? That’s vintage Russo. Storm nails a couple of Last Call Super Kicks for the win.

Sting comes out first. He invites Dixie Carter out. Dixie agrees to make Hulk Hogan GM again so they invite him out. My DVR cuts out before Hogan gives an answer. I’ve got an odd feeling he accepted. -Kevin

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