Kevin’s Blog: Almst Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Let’s just say that my neighbors were here for an uncomfortable amount of time. They even brought over a second round of beer. They watched half of Hawaii Five-O even though they said they didn’t like it. I figured it’d scare them off. No such luck. They even cock blocked me. Completely uncool. On top of that, I couldn’t start my review. I’m pissed. Let’s roll.

We start off with a montage from the John Cena versus Brock Lesnar review from Extreme Rules.  The injury has to be an angle. Couldn’t make it more plain than they just showed it all on TV, again. Johnny Wooden GM gets the mic to start the evening. Cena was proved to be a mere mortal. I always thought Cena was Thor’s brother. Johnny  introduces Brock. HHH comes to the ring before much can be said. HHH kills off all of Brock’s extras. HHH neuters Johnny even more than Brock did last week. Interesting tact for HHH to take. He called out his manhood in the process. Lesnar attacks HHH when he argues with Johnny. I’m guessing HHH sees money in this feud. HHH sells a broken arm. Some super baby faces make the save. I like the spoiled athlete angle they’re sort of using with Brock.

Eve is not rocking the librarian very well. Beat The Clock Challenge. I wonder if they got that from the NFL Draft this week. That first round flew by. The Steelers made their pick (next to last) at 11:56 PM last year. The draft was over no later than 11:05. The Miz takes on Santino. I’m going with the Miz but no way he’s the next contender. I love a good double axe handle from the top rope. Skull Crushing Finale at 4:18. Yep, that’s your US Champion.

They showed us the photos from the women’s match last night. Layla El comes out to mild applause. She gets to take on both Brie & Nikki Bella. Layla wins with a drop kick and a roll up. Yep, that’s your Women’s Champion. Chris Jericho hits the ring. He’s out for the Beat the Clock challenge.

They are loving the photo montages tonight. The Big Show is his opponent. This match should last longer than 4:18.

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Sabu’s Gonna Be Just Fine

Quoteth:

Sabu checked himself out of the emergency room this morning.  No other updates are available other than he said he was feeling fine.

The story we were told is when Sabu didn’t arrive at the building after missing the fan fest, they called his hotel room and he didn’t answer.  They tried to get him to open the door and he didn’t respond  Mustafa of the Gangstas ended up breaking down the door and they found Sabu unconscious on the floor and had him rushed to the hospital.

So yeah, he looks great. He’s going to be just fine. Everything’s just fine. – Dusty

Extreme Reunion 2012 Was A Rousing Success

Raven and Sandman going at it.

As I start this post, this was the only results post on you-know-what page:

Hey Dave.  I’m sure you’ve probably gotten match results from others (and lord knows I don’t remember them), so I’ll just give a few notes from the show:

–Place was PACKED.  I’d say at least 3/4 of the people there were standing.  Made it impossible to see what was happening when they fought outside the ring (which they did in every match).

–It was definitely a bit of an older crowd compared to old ECW shows back in the day.  It basically looked like everyone from the old days had grown up; not a lot of kids or teens there.  I was actually quite surprised how many guys had attractive girls there with them.  Not something I saw a lot of back in the day at ECW shows.  Hey good for them!

–The show did start late.  They aired a video package in tribute for all the wrestlers who have died in the last decade and then a taped promo by Douglas but the sound wasn’t working.  Nice touch but not a good omen.

–The show started with a tag team match with 4 guys whose name I couldn’t hear.  Crowd hated it.

–They then did a “match” with 2 more indy guys.  One of them was this little tiny Asian guy who took the mic before the match and started talking to the audience in a high-pitched voice that made him sound like William Hung.  Then this guy comes from the crowd and told both of the wrestlers in the ring to scram.  Nobody had any idea who this guy was.  He then called out Shane Douglas, who didn’t show up.  Funny thing was that Shane was literally standing right behind us in the crowd.

–Then the “ECW” part of the show started with the FBI vs BWO.  Richards, Marmaluke, and Guido were probably the only 3 guys on the entire show in good shape.  Match was total comedy.  Highlight was Guido and Meanie doing a thumb wrestling war on the mat with the ref giving a 2 count when Meanie had Guido’s thumb down.  The same unknown dude from the last segment distracted Richards for the finish.  It was never explained who this guy was.

–CW Anderson and Al Snow were next.  Anderson looks like he’s about 60 now.  Snow was grossly overweight.  He was winded just from doing his entrance.  Match was a disaster.  Anderson put an armbar on Snow no less than 5 times.  There were several chants of “Armmmmmmmmmbar” as a homage to the old Chris Jericho “Man of 1004 Holds” promo.  Snow beat up Head after the match and then went running back begging for forgiveness, which was actually pretty entertaining.

–The segment with The Gangstas vs Angel was also pretty bizarre.  Angel came out asking for someone to be his partner (did Devito no show?) but nobody came.  Gangstas then came out (Mustafa looking absolutely huge and not in a good way) and beat him up for 3 minutes before the indy guys from the 1st match came in, beat them up for like a minute, and then left.  One of them looked to have gotten into a legit fight with a fan on the way out that was broken up by security, but it was hard to tell.  Complete waste of time.

–Somewhere in here they did a planned spot where the ring announcer was making some general announcements, the lights went out, and they brought out a stripper to try and recreate the Kimona Wannalaya strip tease from that time they lost power at the ECW Arena.  The stripper basically just writhed around on the mat like a sizzling piece of bacon in a skillet.  It was a little weird.

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I need this head scratcher to figure out Hogan's Open Fight Night concept.

I know I mentioned this in an audio recently but I’m not sure I mentioned it in this space. My levels of reviews are Definitely or Almost Live which happens the night of the show. A Day Late & A Dollar Short is, duh, the next day. For The Hell Of It title says I just want to put content on the site. I’d imagine anyone that wanted to read a review of these shows has done it already. I’m throwing some pity because of their dismal ratings news. Plus, I know I won’t review the show on time this coming week. I have a ticket to go see Mick Foley & the Reverend Bob Levy on Thursday. I’m excited.

I want to vomit already. Hulk Hogan just called Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus the greatest tag team ever. OK, well, only one champ each “Fight Night” can be called out? Or is Hogan just assigning one title match and the rest of the champs can still be called out? Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray. I guess the champ can call someone out. All of the roster is hanging out together. Um, why? Just watch from your locker room. Bully Ray turns down the challenge. Shouldn’t Hogan have come out and enforced his won rules? Devon starts the match by attacking Bully Ray on the ramp. At least Taz called the Dudleys the greatest tag team of all time. He was trying to correct Hogan’s nonsense. They probably aren’t but they’re closer than the other clowns. Nothing happening before the commercial break.

Taz & Mike Tenay are praising the concept but doing nothing to help define it. The action has been pretty solid. It’s all familiar stuff. It makes sense they’re going for big shots and power moves. Devon gets the win after a spine buster. I would have liked to have seen him get some more offense in before the pin fall. Austin Aries talks about not being impressed with Bully Ray. Ric Flair is asked about the proper send off for Eric Bischoff. According to Flair, Eric is the greatest promoter of all time. Yep, I’m sure that’s why “his” company got bought by WWE.

Kazarian & Christopher Daniels talked to Kurt Angle. He yells at them for helping him because he doesn’t need anyone’s help. OK then. Jeremy Borash came to the ring. He says that Eric Bischoff is the biggest prick the company has ever had. Borash wants to fight him. Bischoff comes down clapping. As Eric talks, Bully Ray low blows JB. Bischoff pulls his leg up and gets the pin. JB could have kicked out. Ball shots hurt but prove a point. And why does a leaving heel need heat? Or this much camera time? Boy I can’t think of why they’re rating is below 1.0.

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Sabu’s Gonna Die

Read, weep:

Sabu — a hardcore wrestling icon  — was rushed to the hospital before a scheduled event tonight in Pennsylvania … TMZ has learned. Cops in Travose, PA tell TMZ they were dispatched to a hotel for a medical emergency, but wouldn’t elaborate. The manager at the hotel where Sabu was staying tells TMZ the staff there felt the wrestler was intoxicated when paramedics were called. A source close to Sabu tells TMZ he had been MIA all day and promoters for an ECW reunion event he was scheduled to appear at could not get in touch with him. According to our source, Sabu had an allergic reaction to a medication he had been taking. Sabu is one of the top-billed wrestlers at the Extreme Reunion tonight, but we’re told he’ll be a no-show.A rep for the event tells TMZ, “Sabu was found unresponsive in his hotel room earlier today when event staff went to his room to pick him up for tonight’s show. Management is currently awaiting results from his doctors to find out what actually happened.”The rep continues, “All we know is that he had prior health issues that might have been a contributing factor. We’re pulling for him and are very concerned for his health. We wish him the best of luck in his recovery.”

So yeah, not good. – Dusty

TNA moves Impact Wrestling up an hour, now Devon’s kids can go to bed on time

Yep, the best part of the program that draws the highest ratings that they won't even be able to air in the new hour with all of the fans. (Credit to whoever posted this on Flickr)

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA has announced that Impact Wrestling will move from its current 9-11 p.m. Eastern time slot on Spike TV to an earlier 8-10 p.m. Eastern block, “predicated on the fact that there are more available viewers” during that earlier two hours. Yes, because at 10 p.m. Eastern, millions of people suddenly die and aren’t replaced until 11 p.m., and their TVs explode right there in the living rooms. No, there aren’t more available viewers at that time, and it’s not just TV industry jargon I don’t understand; it’s a fool’s explanation for a pussy move by a pussy company. Remember when TNA attempted the Monday Night Wars V2 in 2010, and within five months were back to Thursdays? The rationale, from TNA’s press release?

The fans have spoken and with their input we have determined the best timeslot to maximize the TNA audience is on Thursday nights where we are confident it will be among the most-watched shows with young men.

So at the time there were enough viewers to force an entire day shift, but now there are too few viewers there which warrants a time shift. I love it. TNA fans, set your VCRs accordingly!

For the record, here are shows TNA will now compete against in that 8-9 p.m. hour:

  • “Missing” (ABC, with puffy Ashley Judd)
  • “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS, as well as every other channel that has syndicated shows, so you can watch it any time)
  • “American Idol” (Fox; you don’t want to miss Steven Tyler’s face melting off)
  • “Community” and “30 Rock” (NBC, two of the most overrated shows of the past five years)
  • Basic cable reruns of “George Lopez,” “Two and a Half Men,” “American Pickers,” and “Real Housewives of New Jersey”
  • Highbrow, out-of-demographic news programs including “The O’Reilly Factor” and “Anderson Cooper 360” (or 180, if you ask Gorilla Monsoon)

If TNA can’t pull itself back up over the 1.0 mark against this cadre of pure shit, it needs to buy a huge novelty “OUT OF BUSINESS” sign and put itself out of its misery. -Eric

#WatchROH – Aired 14 April 2012

Short shorts for a short show.

I’ll start off by saying that the first twenty five minutes on my DVR were an infomercial. That’s how much Fox thinks of the 5:00 PM time slot on Saturday. It’s more valuable than the wrestling show they signed to make TV. Wow. So this review won’t be full. It’s a show from Show Down in the Sun. The Briscoes are taking on some Australians in a proving ground match. I didn’t feel like deciphering how Nigel McGuinness said their names. Hastings and Nichols are their last names. For all I bitch about Kevin Kelly, I do understand him all the time. They pulled off a cool tandem DDT. Kind of a toss from a fireman’s carry position into a DDT. Briscoes turn it around in an instant but can’t get a three top with the frog splash top rope elbow. Doomsday Device for the Briscoes victory. I’m fine with the result but I would have liked for the heels to take more of a beating before the loss.

They come back with highlights from Davey Richards vs Eddie Edwards vs Roderick Strong. Edwards got eliminated first. Kevin Steen interrupted the Borders War press conference. They do the same schtick. And it’s still stupid for Jim Cornette to try and protect a bad ass champion. Jim explains that he’s been protecting Kevin Steen. ROH will be ruined with a Steen victory. That promo did nothing to make me not think this angle, at least the Cornette part, better. Eddie Edwards is being challenged by Rhino. Eddie knows that Truth Martini is trying to block him from title contention. Edwards said he’s going on a safari to hunt some rhino. I’m fine with his character.

El Generico comes out for his revenge match with Kevin Steen. Shouldn’t you wait until after this match to show the last segment? Not that I ever thought Generico had a chance in this match, but considering Steen challenged Rcihards for the title. Generico starts out a house on fire and before they can be introduced. Steen took over and strangled Generico with a Canadian flag. Generico used the spare ring rope under the ring. Interesting. Kevin Kelly is selling the point of Steen winning to get the title shot. Your announcer just showed how bad the ordering of your show is. Good brawl so far, which is good for a revenge match. Commercial break.

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