Headlines: Finlay to ROH, Maven arrested for drugs, Eric Young gets a TV show (not a Corky remake)

Trust me, Eric, we're just as confused as you are about this hosting gig. Then again, your look here makes Guy Fieri look like Bryant Gumbel, so you'll make a great host.

Wow, it’s after-hours news you can use! According to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar and backstage producer David “Fit” Finlay has signed with Ring of Honor. The signing makes perfect sense, as Finlay is a well-respected veteran, works tight and realistically without hurting others (take a note, Bob Holly) and is of the same generation, if not a smidgen older, than other recent ROH experienced cameos Lance Storm and Jerry Lynn. What else have we learned from this signing? If you are released from WWE but can work (see Benjamin, Shelton and Mondo, Mike), you may end up in ROH. If you are released from WWE because you love drugs and may die soon (see Angle, Kurt and Hardy, both), say hello to TNA.

Speaking of drugs, according to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar and “Tough Enough” winner Maven Huffman was arrested in Florida on drug charges, specifically “doctor shopping” for prescription pain killers. According to the report, Huffman was able to score upwards of 1,000 pills from multiple doctors. Remember when Maven was almost a huge star after eliminating Undertaker from the 2002 Royal Rumble? Yeah, well, like I said above, say hello to TNA! In future news, Kurt Angle was found rummaging through Maven’s bag, and when caught, mumbled, “Whah? I’m mot fealing hif pillf!”

And speeeeaking of TNA, according to Prowrestling.net, current fucking idiot Eric Young has been given his own Animal Planet television show. The show, titled “Fish America,” will highlight “creative, unexpected and dangerous” fishing techniques across the country. Maybe I can pitch a segment with my brother, who, honest to god, shocks worms out of the backyard and fishes with a screwdriver bolted to the end of an aluminum pole. The segment ends with my brother redeeming himself by missing the fish and harpooning Eric Young. -Eric

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