Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I hope the good citizen’s that come to the site enjoyed the alternative posts with the Mick Foley comedy show and Colin Delaney interview. We can only hope that the later of the two leads to better interviews in the future. I’m also wrapping up ROH from two weeks ago before I start this review. Like a dope, I reviewed the more recent material. It was probably for the best since it was more hacked up matches from Showdown In The Sun. The Briscoes vs the World’s Greatest Tag Team wasn’t very good. ROH has fans and Charlie Haas flipping people off so often that I felt like half of the match was blurred over. Jay Lethal vs Roderick Strong was a good match but I don’t understand Tomasso Ciampa costing Jay Lethal the TV Title since they’re feuding. He screwed himself. No surprise that ROH is doing something dumb again. I’m sure the WWE will do something dumb tonight too. Let’s roll.

The WWE highlights their failures right off the bat. Johnny Wooden GM attacking John Cena because, you know, HHH got booted from the job for losing control. He’s a good character but the WWE’s logic is so fucked. Johnny comes out to no reaction what so ever. Johnny is playing straight up heel.  The crowd finally gets enough energy to boo. At least they cover their ass and say the Board of Director’s gave him a pass. I wish Roger Goodell had attacked one of the draftees. I’m sure he’d still be in his job. Johnny going all in on the heel aspect makes him a worse character. I’m bored. Why did I compliment him at the start? CM Punk comes out to, oh no, the crowd sucks. They barely react to him. It’s going to be a long night. I was going to say come out to wake everyone up. Greensboro blows. Punk tap dances around upsetting Johnny with good verbiage. Punk does get the crowd to react. Lord Tensai is Punk’s opponent tonight. I can’t wait for Punk to finally get a good match out of the big lug.

Johnny bumps into the Big Show back stage and yells at him. Eve Torres shows up like “Vampire” Hortatio Caine. Cody Rhodes comes out first. Mitchell Cool tries to defend Rhodes tables match win as legitimate. I wish Jerry Lawler wouldn’t argue like a 6th grader. Rhodes gets counted out. Eve comes out and orders the Big Show to apologize. Her ass is fantastic. Mitchell Cool, not joking, claims that having to apologize for making fun of Johnny’s voice is a severe consequence. Shot me. The WWE may have topped ROH for stupidity already.

They show replay of R Truth & Kofi Kingston winning because they have lots in common. Aside from their skin color, of course. Vickie Guerrero introduces the free falling Dolph Ziggler. I’m not even sure I want to admit he’s my boy he’s dropping so fast. It’s just Kofi vs Dolph. AW got Rosa, Epico & Primo to dress up. Mason Ryan shows up backstage because matches don’t matter. Ziggler gets the win with some help from Jack Swagger.

Mitchell Cool, for some bizarre reason, does the John Cena interview from the ring. Superman is supposed to take months off but will be wrestling in two weeks. Cena asked the board to wait to fire Johnny until after the PPV.  Cena is going to kick his ass. Woof.

Beth Phoenix is on commentary. Maxine & Natalya are taking on Kelly Kelly & Layla, who is still smoldering. Did Layla take twice as long to recover as Beth because she learned more wrestling moves also? She looks sharper than I remember. Layla wins in short order.

I miss the beginning of Santino’s Foreign Exchange grabbing a Bell’s Best Brown Ale. Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio. I glaze over while all the participants come out. I finally snap out of it with Sheamus. It looks like Randy Orton and Chris Jericho are involved too. Sheamus gets the selling duties with his “injured” shoulder. Commercial. Orton gets the hot tag. Rich Rod distracts Orton and Del Rio takes advantage. Orton sells. That’s more of what I expected. Orton is not the main flavor that he was not so long ago. The crowd is still into him. Sheamus gets the second hot tag. Del Rio gets RKOed. Sheamus accidentally takes out Orton. Jericho gives him the Code Breaker for the win. That was much needed. Orton RKOs Sheamus. The crowd cheers. Lawler acts indignant then makes sense of it. Nice recovery Jerry.

Randy Orton, Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho argue over who should be number one contender. I smell a four way match. Johnny announces it on the spot. Sheamus is not pleased. I’m guess Floyd Mayweather fought in a fatal four way with Miguel Cotto, Manny Pacquiao and whoever else may still actually box. The Funkasaurus comes out. Brodus reminds us to call our mother’s on Sunday. The Miz gets the mic. He’s got the same schtick. Hey, you have noticed you’ve gone nowhere quick, right? Come out with some new material. They call Miz Clay’s first challenge. Shouldn’t he be more further down the line and not a first challenge? The Funkettes get to act concerned. Clay wins after being in minor peril.

HHH and Brock Lesnar recap because there isn’t enough recap on WWE TV these days. I guess the board didn’t care about Johnny bringing in Lesnar and caving to him then letting him attack HHH. But HHH was doing a worse job of keeping order. Mitchell Cool explains the injury. We get still pics of HHH in COO mode. I want to injure someone. Paul Heyman is Lesnar’s legal representation. Why are you jumping aboard a ship that is going nowhere? Oh, maybe to promote the release of the ECW DVDs that Joey Styles tweeted about earlier? His legal jargon isn’t much better than David Otunga’s. Heyman reads a statement. People cheer when Brock’s statement says he quit. More recap because we should recap recaps.

Big Show is talking to the stars of Common Law.  I keep laughing because the blonde dude was some schmuck in Avengers. He was like the radar guy on the flying ship. Eve catches Big Show laughing at them doing the Johnny Wooden GM voice. He comes out during Punk’s entrance. Johnny announces the handicapped match. Too bad you dummies had Cool mention that before the last break.

Lord Tensai and CM Punk are in the ring. Daniel Bryan is the extra man in the match. Cool is fine with dictator rule. So when is Sascha Baron Cohen coming? I really expected Albert to be less fat when he came back. Bryan misses a top rope head butt to end Punk’s selling. Punk ends a flurry with the knee & bulldog combo. Sakamoto distracts the referee. Tensai gets in the power bomb. Poor Punk has to sell the Claw. Tensai was impressive in a handicapped match. Does Mitchell know how dumb that statement is? On so many levels. Yes Lock to finish off the show. And of course the show isn’t out of control like it was for HHH either. -Kevin

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