Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The fact that children looked shocked at the turn of the Big Show tells you how stupid they are. Everyone else saw that coming as soon as Big Show was fired and they neglected to remove his bio from WWE.com. After the review of the most obvious thing ever, John Cena comes out for the opening segment. Jeremy and I were talking about this earlier today and it somehow didn’t get turned into a lunch conversation. Anyway, the Board was ready to fire Johnny Wooden GM, but Cena told them to wait. Then Johnny fires Big Show for no reason other than spite, at best. Johnny then skirts the rules by having that same person help him out in the match. Remember, the Board instituted these rules. So why wouldn’t they fire Johnny on the spot? Because any sort of logic in the WWE is thrown out the window week in and week out. Cena is doing a good job of covering his ass by saying Big Show would have saved Johnny if he hadn’t toyed with him. Eve Torres shows up. Glasses help on most women. It’s not working for Eve. Johnny comes out and I chuckle. The woman thinks it’s retarded. He possibly has lots of injuries. John Cena finally looks pissed. Yes, you should be fired for striking your boss. Hold on, Big Show got rehired on Saturday so that means Big Show should be fired per the rules set up before the fucking match. Holy logic gap Batman. Of course we get the silent treatment from Show about why he did it. He yells to sound evil with more drivel that I’ve heard countless times before. He’s not delivering it well. It’s OK. David Otunga shows up with a cape that is even fancier and still just as stupid.

Why couldn’t this match have started during the break? Hell, I’d take a replay of the pin fall that happened during the break. That match lasted the commercial break. A bunch of jobbers attack John Cena. Sheamus comes out to save him but bumps Johnny. Nice flip by Hawkins when he gets tossed out of the ring. Johnny didn’t give them permission. Two of the whitest guys on the planet team up against three people in a lumber jack match. Johnny laughs like they should be intimidated.

It’s the little gay man with the snake on his arm is my girlfriend’s description of Santino. Awesome. Of course he makes fun of Ricardo‘s accent. Poor Ricardo takes a Cobra so that Santino can do the freshest thing ever to Alberto Del Rio‘s gimmick. So they use this time to throw it to Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. They announce what will surely be the death of me, three hour Raws. I will not be starting those on time. They can kiss my hairy ass. I’ll start at 9 to condense this garbage down. I’m still laughing at Jer’s description of it.

Randy Orton is Del Rio’s opponent. So I guess the WWE really wanted Santino on the show and had nothing else for him. I suppose I should expect these matches to go no where before they hit commercial. Orton has been getting most of the offense as Cool contradicts me. Chris Jericho comes in and gives Orton a Code Breaker. Interesting. A bit surprised that Del Rio was used as a pawn for two segments on the show. Both of these guys are down on their luck in the WWE pecking order these days too. Jericho never struck me as a real threat to CM Punk. Orton hasn’t sniffed the title on Smackdown in quite a while.

Daniel Bryan saunters out. The announcers bicker about the finish at Over The Limit. It’s pretty obvious from that angle that his shoulders were down. If you count pin falls when someone knocked out falls on an opponent, why wouldn’t Bryan be counted down? That rules seems pretty clear to me. Not sure why people questioned it. Referees count people down all the time during submissions. CM Punk stands on the ramp and states his case. Punk keeps it short and introduces Kane as Bryan’s opponent. Bryan makes an awesome face when he gets caught with a chair. Bryan takes a similar beating as Punk. He is such a smart ass on commentary. He out shines Lawler & Cool any time he’s on the head set. Even in a very limited time frame.

AJ Lee starts flirting with CM Punk. He just keeps speaking the truth to her. She sobs on his shirt. Punk digs crazy chicks. So, she’s an undercover agent for Bryan, right? Or she factors into the rematch somehow, right? We get replay of HHH vs Paul Heyman. I’m pretty sure that was just assault and not assault AND battery.

Christian is taking on Jinder Mahal for reasons unknown. Mahal is looking slimmed down these days. He must be taking less vitamins. Why is he getting this much offense? Out of nowhere, he hits the Killswitch. So is the frog splash his new finisher? Whatever.

I’m angry at the hand picked stupidity from Twitter. I hope at least one of those morons was kidding. Who is this Kelly Kelly? Is she a wrestler? That’s how new people view her. Beth Phoenix looks better with with the pants rather than the faux Spartan skirt. I’m loving the blind side on the dumb back hand spring elbow. Glam Slam for the win. Is Beth starting to rival Mark Henry in how many times she’s been rebuilt?

Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & Lord Tensai are the opponents for Sheamus & John Cena. Only heels are the lumber jacks. At least they used good logic for that part. Some noticed on Twitter, but Cool reinforced it, it’s just Tensai now. That won’ help his gimmick. Is he getting fatter by the week? The woman is really bummed about not seeing Jericho’s light up jacket this week. They cut to commercial without throwing it there. Great production guys. I didn’t notice earlier but it looks like Jericho has a new shirt. Sheamus is taking the beating. I’m barely paying attention to this match. Overcoming the odds is par for the course in the WWE. Big Show is on the ramp. Can you telegraph a baby face win then beat down even more? The crowd did blow up for the hot tag. I loved the Cena dive to the outside. Shocking, massive chaos. That was the other option. But you know, there’s less chaos now than when HHH was in charge and he got fired for it. We end with a knock out by Big Show. At least Bryan vs Punk will take a back seat to this garbage, right? -Kevin

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