Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

A tribute to the troops.

It’s been a long weekend. I got plenty done and I got some time to be lazy. Unfortunately, this review pretty much kicks off my work week. Lucky me. Let’s roll.

After getting a real tribute to the troops, we get review of John Cena versus Johnny Wooden GM. Did they tape this show? Holy opening segment Batman. Why are they making the opening fifteen minutes all recap? They’re not saying they’re live from New Orleans so I guess it is taped. I didn’t pay attention to where they were last week. The Big Show made a business decision to make people smile. I’m paying attention to my Facebook feed because I don’t care about Show’s standard heel turn reasons. We’re not supposed to dance with the Funkasaurus after he cried. The Big Show acts like John Cena could have rehired him. This story is some serious weak sauce. It is a joke because we’re in on the story. We know you weren’t fired. Brutal.

We get replay of Santino & Ricardo Rodriguez from Smackdown. “That is how you do a ring announce.” I’m glad Mitchell Cool is the best the WWE can provide for us. Alberto Del Rio is taking Santino this week. Squash match. Thank goodness. Alex Riley is sucking up to Eve Torres. Big Show gets to pick his opponent. Show doesn’t pick Riley but tosses him into the wall. Almost intimidating.

R Truth & Kofi Kingston come to the ring as my girlfriend asks “Why does everyone have a belt?” Vickie Guerrero does the intros for Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Oh, we are live. Why the hell was Alex Riley trending? Commercial central. “I feel like it’s not wrestling so much as acting.” comes out of the woman’s mouth. Is she secretly a smart mark? I’m sure she isn’t but it’s funny that she points out stuff like the belts and there being less wrestling these days. R Truth pins Swagger. Finally, something for these guys. Ziggler walks out. Ziggler is better than that terrible tag team. Big Show runs into Santino. Brodus Clay interrupts him. Big Show makes him his opponent tonight. That’s sink or swim time for the Funkasaurus so I’m down with it.

Johnny Wooden GM comes to the ring with David Otunga & Eve. He has proof of him being the greatest superstar ever. The cover is kind of funny. CM Punk comes down. No one knew Punk was coming down yet they have a mic waiting for him on the steps. Punk is the real cover. Nice little reveal. I like the cut off of the top of the head. They concentrate on the straight edge stance. Punk talks down to Johnny and gets away with it. Trending! It means…something.

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Happy Memorial Day!

I’m going to do some grilling before I have to review Monday Night Raw later. I’ll enjoy more than a couple of Sippy Time Beers especially with temperatures topping 90 today. Go out and do the same rather than reading our dumb site. Rejoin us around 9 PM. -Kevin

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