Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

A tribute to the troops.

It’s been a long weekend. I got plenty done and I got some time to be lazy. Unfortunately, this review pretty much kicks off my work week. Lucky me. Let’s roll.

After getting a real tribute to the troops, we get review of John Cena versus Johnny Wooden GM. Did they tape this show? Holy opening segment Batman. Why are they making the opening fifteen minutes all recap? They’re not saying they’re live from New Orleans so I guess it is taped. I didn’t pay attention to where they were last week. The Big Show made a business decision to make people smile. I’m paying attention to my Facebook feed because I don’t care about Show’s standard heel turn reasons. We’re not supposed to dance with the Funkasaurus after he cried. The Big Show acts like John Cena could have rehired him. This story is some serious weak sauce. It is a joke because we’re in on the story. We know you weren’t fired. Brutal.

We get replay of Santino & Ricardo Rodriguez from Smackdown. “That is how you do a ring announce.” I’m glad Mitchell Cool is the best the WWE can provide for us. Alberto Del Rio is taking Santino this week. Squash match. Thank goodness. Alex Riley is sucking up to Eve Torres. Big Show gets to pick his opponent. Show doesn’t pick Riley but tosses him into the wall. Almost intimidating.

R Truth & Kofi Kingston come to the ring as my girlfriend asks “Why does everyone have a belt?” Vickie Guerrero does the intros for Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Oh, we are live. Why the hell was Alex Riley trending? Commercial central. “I feel like it’s not wrestling so much as acting.” comes out of the woman’s mouth. Is she secretly a smart mark? I’m sure she isn’t but it’s funny that she points out stuff like the belts and there being less wrestling these days. R Truth pins Swagger. Finally, something for these guys. Ziggler walks out. Ziggler is better than that terrible tag team. Big Show runs into Santino. Brodus Clay interrupts him. Big Show makes him his opponent tonight. That’s sink or swim time for the Funkasaurus so I’m down with it.

Johnny Wooden GM comes to the ring with David Otunga & Eve. He has proof of him being the greatest superstar ever. The cover is kind of funny. CM Punk comes down. No one knew Punk was coming down yet they have a mic waiting for him on the steps. Punk is the real cover. Nice little reveal. I like the cut off of the top of the head. They concentrate on the straight edge stance. Punk talks down to Johnny and gets away with it. Trending! It means…something.

I watched Smackdown this morning. Glad to know they just reminded me why this rematch with Punk and Daniel Bryan is on TV. Punk keeping the shoulders off the mat during a submission move. The crowds crack me up from chanting “Yes” to then booing Bryan. AJ comes out dressed in Punk gear as we get the commercial. Bryan takes over shortly after the break. Not much to say with a good match unraveling. They could stop going to AJ shots. It’s an interesting side story. Punk kicks out after a superplex. Head kick only gets Punk a two count. Bryan wins with help from the exposed turn buckle. Bryan gets choke slammed on the chair by Kane. So are we getting a three way match then? That’s my guess.

Cody Rhodes is in the booth while Christian hits the ring. The Miz gets to job to him. The Miz is trying out a new hairdo. Mitchell needs to lead Cody to his points of talk. I understand questions but that was a bit much. Cody gets up and distracts Christian. It doesn’t work. Christian looks to be cementing the frog splash as his finisher. I’m confused by that. Johnny yells at David Otunga and Eve. Otunga throws himself under the Sheamus bus. Poor Teddy.

The Miz is still in the ring. I’m starting to wonder if the WWE mole was listening to Dusty & I the last couple of weeks? Randy Orton comes out. RKO for the crowd’s enjoyment. That’s what happens when the person you’re to feud with gets suspended. Dolph wants out of his tag team. Why would Vickie only be able to look into it though? We can’t question John Cena‘s patriotism because he does a voice over for the troops.

David Otunga gets to be squashed by Sheamus. I’m going to have to take a look at his new shirt at some point. I’m slowly working on one about TNA. It’s not going as quickly as I’d like. OK, now I know what White Noise is. I was thinking of what Finlay called it which is escaping me right now. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. They are really hyping Clay versus Big Show.

I buzzed thru the No Way Out hype and the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. The Big Show is calling Clay a sell out. The Show did the most embarrassing thing which was coffin riding. Why would anyone be dumb enough to take a spear? I understand stanidng your ground but you move for something like that. This angle should be a good transition or burying for Clay. Kofi Kingston & R Truth come out for the save for some reason. Show breaks apart the announce table to assault Clay with it. Different. Truth & Kofi get to act like rag dolls more. I’m not impressed by this either. It’s more standard heel turn stuff. I guess I should compliment it but I’ve seen it so often from Big Show that it feels like I just saw it. Show has been baby face for a while now. I’d have to look it up. Mitchell Cool sells the beating after being in mostly silent mode during the destruction. -Kevin

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