Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

There are two lessons to be learned from this weekend. The more important lesson is above. After the age of twelve, you should never go anywhere dressed up like your “hero”. This act automatically makes you more than a douche bag. You go straight to douche duffel because your doucheness can not be confined to a simple bag. Just in case you’re not familiar with the impersonation above, Google Rickie Fowler. He has a fantastic child molester mustache. The second lesson from the weekend should be a common theme here on my blog, Kent State kicks ass. On Friday, the baseball team (ranked #25) toppled #13 Kentucky in a twenty one inning  marathon. On Saturday, they beat the hosts of the regional round, #11 Purdue, 7-3. On Sunday, they did what they couldn’t do last year. They punched their ticket to Super Regionals this coming weekend by beating Kentucky 3-2 in nine innings. I debated traveling to see them play but they will be taking on the #10 Oregon Ducks in Eugene. That flight is a bit much for a three game series. Let’s roll.

My cable is blowing currently. Good thing it’s recap of Big Show boring me to death last week. Mitchell Cool gets introduced for some reason. Oh, he’s going to act pompous to John Cena. I can’t wait. (I’m being so sarcastic.) Cool delivers the pompous. My TV is still gacking up. Cena makes a great defense case. Cool is still avoiding why Johnny Wooden GM still has a job. He defied the Board’s ruling! Cool is heeling it up well. Cena is still making better counter points. Johnny comes out. Cena milks his choice of Mitchell Cool. Did Cool get divorced? He doesn’t have his ring on.

Mitchell Cool complains to Johnny backstage. There is a rumor about a job evaluation. It’s sort of a fun yo-yo effect that they have going with the evaluations but it’s still dumb. If you need to be checked on every other months for more than six months, you should be fired. Vickie Guerrero comes out to introduce Dolph Ziggler. He has a rematch with Sheamus. I’m not sure why Lawler isn’t throwing more of “I’m undefeated or awesome” whatever Cool bragged out. If someone isn’t feeding him those reminders, they need to be canned too. Commercial break.

We resume with Ziggler in control. The woman can’t stop talking about Vickie’s boobs. She finally realized that she may not be wearing a bra. White Noise then the Brogue Kick. My boy’s move to the singles division has not gone well. Ziggler needs to start winning. Alberto Del Rio attacks Sheamus on the ramp. Del Rio locks in the cross arm breaker for which he won’t get in trouble. But Johnny’s show is much less lawless than HHH’s. (Even more sarcasm.)

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Headlines: CM Punk mentions new WWE Title, DeMott takes over FCW, Diana Hart Smith teaming with Linda Bollea??

According to PWTorch.com, CM Punk answered 90 minutes worth of questions at this weekend’s Wizard World Comic Con (where fantasies become fantasies and not exactly reality), and Punk revealed that a new WWE Title belt has been created. He said the belt is about 20 pounds heavier than the current spinner belt, which means the belt weighs approximately as much as CM Punk. SPOILER: The new belt will use its 20-pound weight advantage to pin Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott will replace Dr. Tom Prichard as the head trainer of Florida Championship Wrestling. Younger fans will recognize DeMott as the head trainer of the wildly successful “Tough Enough” series, while older fans will recognize Prichard as the guy with the shitty Roddy Piper impression from Smoky Mountain Wrestling, and as Body Donna Zip.

L to R: Zip, Kloudy. Yep, this happened. Thanks for nothing, 1996.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Diana Hart Smith, widow of the late Davey Boy Smith, has a project in the works with Linda Bollea, ex-wife of Hulk Hogan:

“I look forward to doing a project with Linda Hogan. I’m awaiting news on that. She has some irons in the fire. She said if anything turn out, she wants me to be on board.”

Time to speculate: A scripted reality show where Linda chases Diana’s son 27-year-old son Harry, much to Diana’s disapproval… ummm, Linda and Diana co-host a podcast where they each take credit for the Pontiac Silverdome and Wembley Stadium attendance figures… an infomercial with Gary Spivey where newly minted spiritual mediums Linda and Diana speak to dead wrestlers on a 1-900 line for just $1.99 a minute… OK, I got nothin’. -Eric

Weekend Updates – DX, Bill DeMott and Ted DiBiase

Just in case like myself, you like to disconnect from the internet from time to time, especially on the weekends, here’s a small review of what huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I kidding, mundane news came across the internet.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott has become head trainer for WWE developmental. One would think it’d be great to keep your head trainer on TV with Tough Enough that most of the wrestling community liked, unlike the WWE’s current on air product. From what they’ve shown on TV, he looks like a good trainer so good luck to him and his trainees.

Also from our favorite source of news, Degeneration X will be making an appearance on the 1000th, 3 hour Raw. I feel sleepy even typing that. I could give two shits less. It’ll be more pageantry since Shawn Michaels seems to be sticking to his guns and remaining retired. HHH is saving his big moment to take on Brock Lesnar. So there’s a solid chance he makes a reappearance at this how and interrupts this huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I trying to kid again, this crappy, done 92 times too many reunion.

One last snippet from Dot Net from this morning, Ted DiBiase (Jr) is going to be back in the ring in about a month. I do love to end an article on some huge, gigantic, spectacular, oh, you get it at this point. -Kevin

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