Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The mighty Kent State Golden Flashes have beaten the #1 ranked Florida Gators to bounce them from the College World Series. I didn’t think I could feel better than last week after the win in Eugene but I do. I didn’t like our chances today but the bats came alive and Ryan Borges pitched just well enough to eek out a 5-4 win, no thanks to the bull pen that couldn’t throw a strike. They probably won’t win the title, but it feels good to get a win especially over the Gators. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Only five more weeks before I gauge my eyes out with three hour Raw on a weekly basis. I thought the Cyndi Lauper rumor, was just, you know, a rumor. Mick Foley comes out with a suit on. Why does it take so long for this moronic board to pick someone? He announces a dull tag team match with Kane & Daniel Bryan against Sheamus & CM Punk. Johnny Wooden GM comes out for his farewell address. Oh no, it isn’t his farewell address. Sheamus comes out next. Ah, and CM Punk. Good timing for them.

Kane & Daniel Bryan make their entrances after the break and of course a replay of AJ jumping into Kane’s arms. 211 days for a title reign for Punk. It doesn’t seem like it since Cena is in the majority of PPV. After helping my neighbor who locked herself out of her condo, I’m back to watching this match. Nights rarely run smoothly around here. Of all days that I’d want Baby Momma Drama to not be around, it’d be today so of course he is here. Heels winning at the break. No shock.

Sheamus comes in on the hot tag. He uses his power even against Kane. Bryan gets in the unseen drop kick. Sheamus gets the second round of selling. Even the none wrestling fans notice the quality of Punk and Bryan in the ring. AJ comes out, skips around in a mini-Kane outfit then leaves. Brogue Kick for the win.

Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler are arguing with each other. Vickie wants them to make peace. Johnny & David Otunga are bagging on Mick Foley when Big Show arrives. Big Show angry. Otunga needs the suit or dress shirt on to be drinking out of the coffee cup. Ziggler is taking on Swagger for Vickie’s heart. Missed that part earlier.

Swagger barely gets his entrance after the commercial. Dolph is going to get in trouble for the Flair strut. Swagger attacks Dolph’s “injury”.  Ziggler pulls out a very baby face win. We’re not sure what Vickie is wearing. It’s a poncho with short shorts with a napkin design. It is not working. We get a replay of HHH’s challenge. Limo arrives so time for a commercial to make us anticipate absolutely nothing.

Paul Heyman comes out which is why I didn’t care about the limo. You’re a moron if you thought it was Brock. A very short decline of the challenge gets HHH to show up. I’m so tempted to FF since I’m so far behind. Trips wants to hear from Brock himself. He starts selling with a Brock poster for Summer Slam. Paul isn’t buying HHH’s schtick. Somehow if Heyman gets punched, they can own the WWE. That’s a little bit of a leap in logic. Are the people that got raped by Jerry Sandusky going to own Penn State? Trips flips a little when Steph comes up. Paul is smarter and sees into the future. Except for the punch. So Brock Lesnar owns the WWE now. Maybe he can decide on a GM quicker than the board.

Alberto Del Rio takes on “Retarded Cobra Boy” as my girlfriend like to call Santino. So he head butts someone after a concussion? Enziguri while Santino goes for the Cobra. A quick tap for an Alberto win. Ricardo continues the feud with an arm breaker.

Layla gets the good pleasure of introducing Wendy Richter & Cyndi Lauper who is looking sharp at 59. Before anything happens, Heath Slater comes out. Richter is almost as big as Slater. I don’t think that’s a good thing. Mitchell Cool has been horrendous for this whole Lauper thing. He cheered for her before the previous break but is now bagging on them. Rowdy Roddy Piper came out to save the divas. Cool is right, what is happening? Train wreck city. At least Slater is getting TV time, um, sure yeah, whatever.

Rosa Mendes is with Epico & Primo. AW introduces the Prime Time Players, Darren Young & Titus O’Neil. The hair pick is so 2012. (That’s sarcasm.) Slick senton move by Primo off the top rope. Very Whisper in the Wind like. AW saves his team but they get counted out. What a terrible way to make the #1 contenders look. They should be beating Rosa’s team.

Johnny Wooden GM is in the ring. He gives a fair enough promo. I’d be pretty surprised if he doesn’t stick around in some capacity. David Otunga comes out first then Big Show. Then a commercial. Big Show backs out of the match. John Cena gets the intro. Will he learn his lesson and beat these guys in a hurry rather than dicking around? Ugh, they’re giving Otunga offense.The “We Want Ryder” chant is the best part of the match. Johnny was never really hurt. I’m shocked! Shocked! Otunga backs down from the tag. At least Cena didn’t dick around. Three Attitude Adjustments. Tap out to the STF. Boring. -Kevin

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