TNA Belts Get Jacked In Iowa

Pictured above: a gentleman who paid way more than $400 for his belt.

From Jason Powell, by way of KCCI.com:

TNA has arrested two Iowa men and charged them with stealing the TNA Title belt and a replica version of the strap. Joel Luke, 33, was charged with second-degree theft. Forrest Jamison, 39, was charged as an accessory.

This was really supposed to be Eric’s story, but he’s neck deep in dirty dirty whores, so here I go reporting on the continuing saga of white trash methheads vs. civilized society. According to Powell, the TNA Title championship belt was valued at $6,000 and the replica version at $400. Mama mia, that’s a lot of dangerous illegal drugs! And they would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids! And that dog!

Also of note here is that this somehow makes TNA seem even more low rent than they already do. You just get the feeling this kind of thing would *never* happen to WWE, no matter how erratic Vince McMahon is behind the scenes. We here at Stunt Granny will follow this beat for you, the loyal reader, no matter what twists and turns this sordid tale takes. That’s carny for “We will forget this story tomorrow.” – Dusty

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Devon Is Gone. Is Bully Ray Next?

According to this story from Prowrestling.net, Devon Dudley is gone from TNA or Impact Wrestling, whatever they prefer right now. He tweeted:

I would like to thank the TNA fans for making the last seven years fun. I’m sure we will see each other again down the road real soon.

Then answered “Yes” to another fan’s question about his contract expiring. I’d love to make a big stink out of this gaffe because he’s the Television Champion but I can’t. It’s not nearly as bone headed as Ring of Honor’s decision to let one half of their tag team champions leave right after winning the damn titles.

TNA had done a decent job of building the TV Title back up by having Devon defending it on a mostly weekly basis. My apathy towards this gaffe comes in when you compare Devon to his former partner, Bully Ray. It’s great that Devon can help build up the mid-card and younger wrestlers but Bully Ray has been in the main event mix for a couple of months now. His contract is thought to run out around the same time, which begs the question of whether TNA is going to resign him. If they don’t, I may have quit using my Twittah Machine to watch Godzilla movies. -Kevin

@CMPunk Tweeting about a 500K fine for blading/being bloody on Raw

The controversy continues: As we all saw (live, on DVR or on YouTube), CM Punk came up bleeding this past Monday night on Raw during his steel cage match with Jerry “The King” Lawler. Speculation is running rampant across my keyboard that one of three things happened:

1) CM Punk really hit the cage and really bled because wrestling is real.
2) CM Punk bladed because he just can’t help it. He’s a wrestler. It’s like Ash’s chain saw arm in “Army of Darkness.”
3) CM Punk bladed because, for christ’s sake, he’s wrestling inside a mess of chain link fence, and a lack of blood is a little hard to believe. #AgentOfChange

Either way, he bled, and to hear Kirby Mack discuss it, even if it’s a little hardway blood from your lip, you better get rid of that shit immediately, because this is PG and we have advertisers to appease. And now, to add fuel to the speculative fire, Punk is Tweeting that he paid a “500K fine” and also “paid Charles Robinsons fine” (Robinson was the referee in the match who took the handoff of the blade from Punk, making him a co-conspirator with this apparently rich-ass wrestler).

Now that I think about it, Punk didn’t say what he was fined, only that it was “500K” of that thing. Maybe he finally got a truckload of WWE Ice Cream Bars, and that son of a bitch was holding out on his, so when he bled, they took 500,000 of them back. Serves you right, prick! -Eric

 

Stunt Granny Audio #198

Jeremy & Kevin are back for an edition of the audio that you don’t want to miss. The guys start off by talking about which members of the Stunt Granny crew were drunk last week and didn’t get around to a show because of it. Who’s boss got the bar tab? They do end up talking about wrestling and they start with WWE Raw first. How long does three hours and five minutes feel in real time? Or even when watching all on the DVR? Jeremy & Kevin ponder if the program wouldn’t feel as long if the product had more structure. How often does the WWE cut off it’s own legs when they can make small tweaks to their format? They end up talking specifically about CM Punk and Jerry Lawler? How old is Lawler? And does the crowd reaction mean anything? Is it good that they bark like seals when chanting “Feed me more!”? Someone who didn’t want more was Claire Lynch. She’s gone from TNA but why? And can an angle still be hurried even though it has been going on for three to four months? Of course Jeremy & KEvin finish off talking about TNA with their big topic, Aces & Eights? Is this angle starting to wear thin? What can TNA do to keep this angle moving forward? Last but not least, which bad announcer did they bounce as a topic since they didn’t want to depress you too much? Find that out and more by clicking on the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #198

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Last week, the column was pretty angry after re-reading it. I’m hoping that isn’t the case this week but with another three hours on the horizon. I was amused at CM Punk’s anger in his tweet to Seth Mates:

@SethMates Next Week! Grown ass men will watch a show designed, marketed and targeted for children! Then complain about it!

I didn’t react to it because you can tell he’s intentionally trying to make the internet fans angry at him to get more boos at the arena. I’m not buying it Punk even if I agree with some of the statement. As I’ve continually said though, you can have a children’s show that adults like. I still watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network. It’s well written and the animation (for computer animation) is pretty stellar. Time for some bad children’s entertainment. Let’s roll.

We start with a recap of Jerry Lawler retelling his whole tale involving CM Punk. Not exactly going to help my anger management problem. What is happening with Punk’s hair? Why not shave the top part as short as the rest of it? I wish Punk would have told Lawler he turned his back on the WWE audience from mailing it in on commentary since Jim Ross left. I couldn’t stop staring at Lawler’s pig nose. Why did it look like he doesn’t have a septum? Start off with a challenge to an old guy. Yippee.

So Mitchell Cool tells us how long it’s been since Jack Swagger has been on TV but then expects us to take him esriously as he takes on Ryback? How stupid are these people? At least my girl is volunteering to do the Ryback “Feed me more!” arm swing in the living room. Swagger is sure happy that Ryback dropped him on his head. People are cheering this dumb finisher? Trying to control the anger, more. Oh goody, another Cena vs Miz match. Jerry, this decision isn’t about going to Miami.

Layla comes out to take on Natalya Neidhart. They recap Kaitlyn winning the battle royal last week. Why are they finally trying to build up her up? She got a nice win on Smackdown. Natalya is another good stepping stone. Vickie Guerrero comes down to say something. Layla looked solid and busted out some moves that I haven’t seen before. OK, so Layla gets kicked out of the ring after building her up so that they undo the work the victory just did? I need a mood stabilizer. She insults AJ’s ability to be GM. AJ comes out and attacks Vickie. They are more important than the Diva’s Title.

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Ken Shamrock beats up a woman whom he thought was a man

“Whooo, meeee??”

God, this is rich. According to PWTorch.com, Ken Shamrock beat up a woman.

OK, fine, there’s more to the story. According to TMZ.com (unbelievable the news they uncover):

We’re told Shamrock dove into the scrap and tried to pry the women apart … when one of the bystanders, a HEAVYSET bystander, jumped on his back and tried to rip Ken out of the pile.

Shamrock’s rep tells TMZ … he threw the person off of his back and followed up with a move that knocked the attacker to the ground.

After the person was incapacitated, the crowd shouted at Ken, “You just hit a girl.” Ken took a closer look and realized the attacker was in fact a female .. so he immediately backed off.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2012/08/23/ken-shamrock-fight-mall-attack-woman-ufc/#ixzz24QQduZH2

Two justifications for this: One, don’t jump on another person’s back if you don’t have some level of expectation of getting your ass handed to you. Two, Shamrock simply worked for Vince Russo for too long and has both no respect for women and no concept of gender.

Point well taken, Shamrock. Point well taken. -Eric

Hulk Hogan helps lung transplant patient enjoy multiple days of his Hulkamania-blessed life

Just teasing, Hulk Hogan loves his fans.

(Update, 8/31: Wow, somehow this post has leapt in “popularity” in the past 12 hours. I invite everyone to read the comments that have already been posted before you recommend I commit suicide in front of a video camera. I don’t need to be told twice! Also, I understand Hogan actually met with the Hafeleins, which surprises me given Hogan’s busy schedule of telling everyone he was Lars Ulrich’s first choice as Metallica’s bassist. Congratulations to the Hafeleins, and kudos for your courage.)

According to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan is helping pro wrestling fan Jason Hafelein of Midland, Michigan, cross one particular item off his bucket list: to meet the Hulkster in person. Hafelein recently underwent a double lung transplant, which his body is rejecting, and since he can’t fly due to the air pressure, he, his wife, and his respiratory therapist plan to drive from Michigan to meet Hogan. Please watch the video of his story here: http://www.redlasso.com/?p=467504

(Edited for content.)

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