Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Sometimes, people have the habit of embellishing the truth. Some people though, take it to another level and pretty much lie or make something up to sound cool. When it’s someone close to you, it has a bad habit of tainting what you think of them. You wonder even when they’re right if they’re wrong. It makes life interesting. I hope you all had a fun weekend. Even with that craziness involved in the weekend, it was a good time. It’s nice just to relax because the rest of September is going to have lots of running around involved. Time to talk wrestling. Let’s roll.

After FF thru the review of the Jerry Lawler, we get a cold opening from Mitchell Cool. The Lawler/Punk storyline is continuing. Fabulous. Sheamus comes out first. Glad he gave us the Chicago heads up because the pop for CM Punk makes sense. He soaks up the chants. Why can’t they relate to Sheamus? They do have a giant St. Patrick’s Day party. Green River and all. Sheamus is putting together a solid promo without any tales rebutting Punk’s argument. AJ Lee interrupts after some arse talking. Alberto gets to face John Cena. Punk gets to fight Sheamus. I would have to imagine that the later will end with some shenanigans. Cena will win his match up.

Vickie Guerrero introduces my boy Dolph Ziggler who is in a rematch from “Friday” with Randy Orton. Why is this match happening again? Won’t Dolph have the title soon with Orton being a prime challenger? Mitchell calling the match by himself is awkward at best. Dolph is selling like a champ as the commercial hits. My girl is suggesting that we dress up as Dolph Ziggler & Vickie for Halloween. I can’t tell you the delight she’s getting out of this idea. Orton is loving the super-plex these days. She’s even promising to put the fly in the trunks. I’m starting to get worried. I just learned that Vickie always has some of her lip stick on her front two teeth. Chicago is going bonkers for the RKO. They get it taken away from them by Ziggler who holds the tights for the victory. Why is the Miz coming out? Isn’t it a big deal that Dolph just beat Orton even by cheating? Monday Night Miz. Um, again, why don’t do this at the top of the next segment?

I almost FF thru the new anger management segment since it said last week. There are so many replays, I figured it was one. Naturally, the wrestlers need to share their thoughts first. Kane can light pyro in the garbage can too. We do get our dose of replays right after the segment.  I’m digging Rey’s shirt.

It reminds me of Byzantine art. Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio are taking on Tensai & Cody Rhodes. The Miz admitting that he has no grasp on merchandise sales. Jimminy Cricket, a commercial before anything happens. I mean, less of nothing than normal. Sin Cara does a bad job of selling while the Miz does a bad job of being an announcer. We’re told he’s sticking because Lawler is hurt. Cool says we’re “stuck” with the IC Champ. Did Cool forget he’s a giant Miz cheerleader? Rey gets off a pair of 619s then Sin Cara nails a Swanton Bomb for the victory. Have fun in that hole with Jack Swagger, Cody. We get the circle of trust for the second part of anger management. Daniel Bryan & Kane are doing the trust fall. The instructor wants them to both catch Harold. They let Harold drop. Bryan understands Kane. Sheamus comes out. Punk then comes out in his jeans still. Punk takes the day off work. This fake controversy stuff is for the birds. Punk’s contract has personal days. AJ asks who Matt Striker is. Awesome. She’s going to find him an opponent.

Jack Swagger is Sheamus’s opponent. The Miz is removed from sucking so that Alberto Del Rio can suck. Aw fuck, the Miz didn’t leave. Miz has to give us fake outrage at Punk taking the day off. Swagger is getting in more offense than I expected. Sheamus submits Swagger with the Texas Cloverleaf in quick order anyway. Ricardo Rodriguez distracts Sheamus so that Del Rio can attack him. Sheamus does his best John Cena impersonation. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Ricardo. What an awesome sell.

They have to cart Ricardo off. More Kaitlyn review. Eve Torres is taking on Kaitlyn. Layla El is on commentary. Miz calls Layla a 2. I know you have Maryse in the bag but come on man. Because the Miz & Layla are arguing the whole time, we get no one calling the match. Eve wins with a Roll of the Dice. Eve is starting a hand shake tour. Both Miz & Cool get to play stupid about Eve possibly faking the leaf turning over. Jack Swagger is taking extended time off. His best promo ever. AJ shouldn’t have been pleading with a no one though.

Part 3 of anger management. They completed their course. Bryan offers a rematch. Kane promises not to eviserate. That sets off Bryan. The instructor tells them they’ve learned nothing and storm off. Everyone chuckles. Cool explains the Twitter contest for Bryan vs Kane. That counts as a segment. Wow. Matt Striker asks for an update on Ricardo. David Otunga is his lawyer. Glad Vince gets a kick out of dragging out shit that’s awful.

Ryback takes on Jinder Mahal again.Why do we deserve this? He isn’t being fed more. The Chicago crowd getting a “Goldberg” chant going. Cool accuses the Miz of running away from opponents. What the fuck? The Miz questions him. Cool answers “I’m having fun with you tonight.” Ugh.

Matt Striker asks AJ about things falling apart. She makes the main event between Del Rio & Cena that their match is falls count anywhere. I’m not going to be a happy camper if they bring in another GM. Daniel Bryan comes out trying to manage his anger. Kane is next. The Twitter poll is for hugging it out. They feed you the answers that they want. The Miz is doing good in this segment. I love him explaining the hug it out rule. Bryan hugs Kane then waits for one from Kane. After they hug it out, they start to shove. Then an impromptu match. Bryan ends it with a chair shot. Fun segment.

Antonio Cesaro gets more exposure on Raw with an inset promo. He can do better than that, right? The Cobra is useless without the sock. His boring ass finisher is called the “Nuetralizer” because he’s from Switzerland. Get it? Ugh.

Zack Ryder is taking on Heath Slater. The Ryder or Riot? sign is perfect. Once he got on TV, he’s been abandoned. I’m amongst them. Not sure why I’ve stopped watching his show. I have cheered for him when I’ve had the choice. Zack Ryder wins but Vickie cuts off his glory. Hey WWE, you know you need people like him to be important because you have way too many hours of television? Is it that hard of a concept? You’re producing it. Writing it. Airing it. Get a clue. All for a sit in by Vickie. Ugh.

Again, this segment didn’t need to interrupt someone’s win for it to be effective. AJ finally comes out after much goading. AJ apologizes for her actions. Vickie wants to make sure she isn’t apologizing for being inept. AJ should put her in match after match. Of course Vickie keeps pushing for a sincere apology which is weird out of a baby face. Vickie slaps her a second time. Now, wouldn’t the Board of Directors now fire Vickie for such blatant crossing of the line? Or at least reprimand her? AJ tosses shit around the ring. Like were supposed to care. Really? We’re going to keep this rotating GM gimmick going? I’m ready to toss my lap top.

I FF thru everything up to the beginning of the John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio match. Del Rio takes it to Cena early. Cena does his awkward drop kick when Del Rio comes off the top rope. That helps hide it’s terrible execution since that move is always awkward no matter how good the person is at them. Del Rio tosses Cena into the stairs. Cena shoulder blocks Del Rio into the barricade. Del Rio gets a near fall on the outside. Cena gets to do the head into the post trick.  He recovers almost immediately. Del Rio puts Cena thru the announce table. Alberto can’t take advantage quick enough. Everyone one is beneath Del Rio. Cena counters an arm bar into an STF. Del Rio loves the blown ropes mistake. The whole “We don’t have a camera out there” gimmick is really getting dated. Punk came back to kick Cena in the head, allow Del Rio to win and to say “Respect.” Paul Heyman is driving the car. Nice twist. Glad I taped the over run. -Kevin

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