WWE’s Triple H gets a haircut, donates grease to KFC

Bow down to the… bow down to the geek. FLAVIN!

Here’s proof that we eat up any little bit of news like Funyuns at Matt Hardy’s house or Twizzlers on a road trip from Michigan to Florida: According to TMZ.com (by way of Prowrestling.net), to quote Christian, “Someone got a haaair-cuuut!” In this case, that someone was Triple H, who has sported long hair in various layers, lengths and forms since pretty much the beginning of his career. If you think it’s strange that I’m critiquing and analyzing his hair, consider the old (and supposedly refuted) rumor that Kazarian left WWE’s developmental system because they wanted him to get a haircut since, well, there’s only room for one douche with a ponytail around these parts. (There was the other rumor that Triple H freaked out on Umaga for wearing green and black, since those are DX colors. Man, this guy is a diva.)

WWE is spinning this non-story as another example of Triple H’s likely retirement. I’m spinning it someone buying this greaseball a mirror as an anniversary gift of something. I truly feel like we should make this haircut even more viral and recommend Hunter donate his rat’s nest to Locks of Love. Then again, he’d probably confuse that for Headlock on Hunger, and then no one wins. Except Triple H, he always wins. -Eric

News We Missed After Drinking Too Much

We weren’t the only ones in a drunken stupor this past week. Cameron aka Ariane Andrews got pulled over for Driving Under the Influence according to Prowrestling.net. She neglected to tell the WWE about her mistake so that led to her current 15 day off stint. I’m pretty sure no one would notice she’s missing. Just put another black woman out there in a Funkadactyl costume because they all look the same, right?

The Rock is resuming his role as an FBI agent for the next installment of the Fast & Furious. He acted like it when he over stepped his authority and chased some burglars off the set. The FBI always bigfoots the locals! And they were doing it across the border. Damn those Americans! No arrests were made because the Mountie was off herding moose.

Matt Morgan is in the Twitterverse again. He is doing his best to tease a jump to the WWE whenever his contract is up. In a long winded response to Kevin Nash he typed

SOMEONE in that (locker room) had to stand up to TNA front office and call them out for over-promising and under delivering. So when my deal was up I said ‘Why not me?!’ Accountability. Who says u can’t go home again? Lol.

No one in TNA is making a big deal out of this, because they shouldn’t. They’re doing just a fine job burying the guy by not having him on TV since they burned through his dates already. I don’t think that will hurt Morgan if he really does make the switch because the WWE is desperate for on air talent right now. If the Blue Print is smart, he’ll be planning his section of the WWE floor plan that he wants to occupy. -Kevin

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