Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

After reading the results for Ring of Honor’s iPPV, I was wondering if you could tell which of these two guys are tag team champions and which one is the ROH World Champion? I’m also wrapping up this past week’s edition of #WatchROH and they’re showing parts of the Eddie Kingston vs. Kevin Steen. Are they trying to say “Hey, if you don’t want to work out and are average at best in the ring, you too can get a shot at our title?” What a dreadful product. Even if they come here, I’m not spending money on those fools. I did spend money on the WWE this past week though. Luckily I have PSL tickets for the Columbus Bluejackets (Well if they have a season) so I got a nice little deal on the expensive seats. I’m happy to be giving these fools as little of my money as possible. Time for Raw. Let’s roll.

Paul Heyman comes out to explain the finish of last night’s main event between CM Punk and John Cena. The dog and pony show even includes Chad Patton, our ref. Gasp, the horror. They mentioned an official. You should never do that. they never mention the refs at NFL games, especially this year with replacement refs. Cena comes out to talk. Glad Cena can recycle an old shirt by slapping a new slogan and color on it. After Cena cuts a good promo, Alberto Del Rio comes out to suck the air out of the building. Now he’s the man that never lies. That isn’t going to help your character. AJ Lee makes a tag team main event with the participants from the main events last night.

Jerry Lawler gets to Tout along with having some home coming to Memphis footage later. JBL makes his big entrance to not much reaction. Jim Ross joins them too and gets a real reaction. Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara are in a tag team match again. Five seconds into their match against Epico & Primo with her hotness Rosa Mendes. I miss JR less than a minute after the break. Sin Cara nails the Swanton Bomb for the win. The WWE is doing their best to get Sin Cara into a place to foster his confidence. Darren Young & Titus O’Neil attack them from behind. O’Neil making a solid point but they need something more. We get the rematch no one wanted from Night of Champions with the tag titles back up for grabs.

Layla El is in the announce booth as Beth Phoenix waits to take on the new Diva’s Champion Eve Torres. Layla is finally smelling what Eve is cooking. Beth continues to be a jobber. JBL is off a little bit but making a nice “Go get ’em” speech.

Antonio Cesaro is down in the announce booth. I buzzed thru the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. The five different language thing is stupid. Heath Slater takes advantage of the Cesaro distraction but only gets two. Head butt then splash for the win. Cesaro didn’t make a good impression with his time as JR would say.

The Miz comes out for his new talk show, Miz TV. Booker T is his first guest. The Miz keeps asking questions but pulls the mic every time. Is every Intercontinental Champion going to have a beef Booker? He shuts down Miz and introduces Ryback. The Miz ducks out of the ring. Ryback starts doing some Feng Shui. The Miz has dropped with a quickness.

CM Punk is talking to Paul Heyman when Josh Matthews asks about teaming with Del Rio. Punk is still looking for respect. I will never get being put in an ordinary match as disrespect. It happens to everyone every week unless they suck. Santino Marella comes out. My boy Dolph Ziggler is his opponent. JBL putting him over hard. Nice little “Let’s go Ziggler” chant. Vickie swipes the Cobra after Santino got some momentum. A pair of Zig Zags gets the win.

Wade Barrett comes out to take on his former mate Justin Gabriel. Scratching my head as to why Gabriel still isn’t in a tag team with Tyson Kidd. The announcers are really selling Barrett. I’m digging the new look. “We want Nexus.” Spring Board Moonsault gets Gabriel a two. I’m really digging Barrett’s new finisher. Just looks painful.

R Truth is setting up a birthday for Kofi Kingston. Jared is still around hocking Subway. Damien Sandown gets a sub. So does Zack Ryder. Ryback gets to feed him more. Jared is looking a little hefty again. Sheamus is talking at John Cena. John sells his need to win. Sheamus wants to drink at the pub after their win tonight.

Truth & Kofi hit the ring first. Daniel Bryan & Kane are out next. JBL selling the quality of them. Of course that’s about all they sold before the break. Kofi & Truth can’t even catch a break in the on life support tag team division. Kofi getting lots of offense against Kane. Maybe I typed too soon. They’re still going to lose. They could come back after this team splits in the not so distant future. Bryan selling to Truth now. Truth & Kofi may look better in this match than in their title reign. Bryan makes the save after almost costing them the match. Bryan slaps on the No Lock after a Kane choke slam. JBL seems to be having a fun time picking on Mitchell Cool. I just noticed the Kevin Steen sign in the crowd. Fuck that guy unless there was an insult that I couldn’t read.

Randy Orton is taking on Tensai again. Glad I watch Smackdown for the original match. It does usually mean the WWE liked it. Tensai looked as good as he has in his return on Friday. JBL selling his offense. Yep, they’re feeling frisky about him again. Granted, they’re just letting him be a mauler instead of a giant ninja. The crowd showing up again “Albert.” RKO after a missed corner splash for the win. Orton does a good job of making that finisher come out of different places.

Heyman & Punk are mumbling again. David Otunga & Del Rio show up. We get lawyer puppets. Punk & Del Rio fake like each other. Damien Sandow gets more mic time. He likes going back to school. I was so happy when my chicken pox ended right before school started. Yep, I was a nerd. Zack Ryder is his huckleberry. They start after the break. JBL is killing me with the big word rant. Broski boot only gets Ryder a two count. Neck break for the Sandow win. Another weak finisher because other people give neck breakers.

I buzz thru the main event entrances so that I can go live. The combatants from last night seem to be fighting each other. That’s a little weird. Solid match so far. Sheamus looked like he was going to Hulk Out with the way he puffed after White Noise. Back Stabber by Del Rio only gets two. Del Rio breaks up an STF. Brogue Kick. Cena hits the AA & gets the pin. The ref misses Punk’s foot on the rope. The ref storyline continues. -Kevin

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One Response

  1. “Alberto Del Rio comes out to suck the air out of the building.”
    Which of course is all he is good for. They should install him in places with an overly humid atmosphere, to even things out. Good call.

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