Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

We had a great time in Des Moines Iowa this past weekend. If you didn’t pay attention to @difrango11 (or my Instagram), @GrannyMaes (or his Instagram) or @Stuntgranny, you missed out on the proceedings. There are too many to mention but one place certainly deserves it, Fong’s Pizza. The four out of staters at the wedding decided to start drinking at 2:00 PM on Friday. After two great pizzas (I suggest the Thai Chicken) and four drinks each, we walked to Pappajohn Sculpture Park. This is our homage to Eric’s proposal spot to Carly. Congrats to the newlyweds who are chilling in Jamaica and not watching Raw. That’s what I get to do now. Whooppee. Let’s roll.

Jim Ross is in Oklahoma City. I can’t wait for Vince McMahon to “embarrass” him segment. They can drag it out even longer than normal now that they have three hours of programming. I typed that even before Mitchell Cool mentioned that it was JR Appreciation Night. CM Punk gets to overuse disrespect. The fans actually are booing. The turn might be working. Paul Heyman unintentionally gets interrupted by AJ Lee‘s music. Again, the board would have to be as dumb as a box of rocks to appoint Heyman as GM. Vickie Guerrero (& Dolph Ziggler) get to make her case for GM. Ziggles gets to grab the mic and suggests Heyman & Vickie as co-GMs. AJ finally gets to come out. Why do Dolph & AJ have the same shoes? Oh, this is going to be so funny that Daniel Bryan is her executive coach. (Please know that dose of sarcasm is as large as Eric’s mistake.)  Kane gets to make this a real three ring circus. We’ve got our tag team “main event” at one of the hour breaks. I expected the therapist to be named as her counselor.

Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio are taking on Primo & Epico with the fine Rosa Mendes. There is not a chance in hell I’m going to watch Ion TV to watch Main Event. This three hour slab is more than enough. The Prime Time Players come out to signal the commercial break. Jim Ross defending Michael Cole on his blog is pure JR at this point. He tries to stay balanced but you’d love to know his real opinion. I’m glad Cole is organized and I understand he may have more plugs to get out but he’s still terrible at the rest of the job. Rey gets the pin with the dropping of the dime.

Antonio Cesaro is not getting over with speaking five languages. He’s taking on the quickly fading Brodus Clay, who is also stuck in a dated gimmick. I may have loved it at first but he needed to advance. Holy cow. Neutralizer by Cesaro for a very quick win. He looked better than barely beating Santino on Smackdown. AJ‘s life coach is different than Kane & Bryan’s. They have more people on the roster who they’re not putting on TV. Jumpin’ Jimminy. AJ asks Kaitlyn’s boobs for forgiveness then laughs at her and takes it back. Um, OK. Another great use of time. Ha, Sheamus vs CM Punk is supposed to hook me for Ion. Go fuck yourselves.

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