Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

We had a great time in Des Moines Iowa this past weekend. If you didn’t pay attention to @difrango11 (or my Instagram), @GrannyMaes (or his Instagram) or @Stuntgranny, you missed out on the proceedings. There are too many to mention but one place certainly deserves it, Fong’s Pizza. The four out of staters at the wedding decided to start drinking at 2:00 PM on Friday. After two great pizzas (I suggest the Thai Chicken) and four drinks each, we walked to Pappajohn Sculpture Park. This is our homage to Eric’s proposal spot to Carly. Congrats to the newlyweds who are chilling in Jamaica and not watching Raw. That’s what I get to do now. Whooppee. Let’s roll.

Jim Ross is in Oklahoma City. I can’t wait for Vince McMahon to “embarrass” him segment. They can drag it out even longer than normal now that they have three hours of programming. I typed that even before Mitchell Cool mentioned that it was JR Appreciation Night. CM Punk gets to overuse disrespect. The fans actually are booing. The turn might be working. Paul Heyman unintentionally gets interrupted by AJ Lee‘s music. Again, the board would have to be as dumb as a box of rocks to appoint Heyman as GM. Vickie Guerrero (& Dolph Ziggler) get to make her case for GM. Ziggles gets to grab the mic and suggests Heyman & Vickie as co-GMs. AJ finally gets to come out. Why do Dolph & AJ have the same shoes? Oh, this is going to be so funny that Daniel Bryan is her executive coach. (Please know that dose of sarcasm is as large as Eric’s mistake.)  Kane gets to make this a real three ring circus. We’ve got our tag team “main event” at one of the hour breaks. I expected the therapist to be named as her counselor.

Sin Cara & Rey Mysterio are taking on Primo & Epico with the fine Rosa Mendes. There is not a chance in hell I’m going to watch Ion TV to watch Main Event. This three hour slab is more than enough. The Prime Time Players come out to signal the commercial break. Jim Ross defending Michael Cole on his blog is pure JR at this point. He tries to stay balanced but you’d love to know his real opinion. I’m glad Cole is organized and I understand he may have more plugs to get out but he’s still terrible at the rest of the job. Rey gets the pin with the dropping of the dime.

Antonio Cesaro is not getting over with speaking five languages. He’s taking on the quickly fading Brodus Clay, who is also stuck in a dated gimmick. I may have loved it at first but he needed to advance. Holy cow. Neutralizer by Cesaro for a very quick win. He looked better than barely beating Santino on Smackdown. AJ‘s life coach is different than Kane & Bryan’s. They have more people on the roster who they’re not putting on TV. Jumpin’ Jimminy. AJ asks Kaitlyn’s boobs for forgiveness then laughs at her and takes it back. Um, OK. Another great use of time. Ha, Sheamus vs CM Punk is supposed to hook me for Ion. Go fuck yourselves.

Another brutally bad t-shirt is being worn by the Miz. Zack Ryder is the second man in two matches to not have an entrance. Yep, wrestlers matter on a three hour show. Zack Ryder gets to job for no good reason. Dusty & I can’t figure out why he’s getting jobbed for being over and improving his physique & in ring skills.

The debate is at the top of the hour. We’re creeping closer to the tag match being the real main event. Booker T comes out first then Big Show then Sheamus. Big Show ends the debate before it starts because his mic skills are rusty or non-existent. I can’t remember at this point when or if he was ever worth while. Nice cover by the Big Show tossing down the podium. Best part of the promo so far.Why am I chuckling at that Tout? I haven’t had a Dr. Fong yet. Booker T is big enough to get in between thse two if he wanted to stop a brawl. They let Show be chicken instead.

Ryback gets a Smackdown rematch against Tensai who has lost his follower. Two more guys with terrible gimmicks. People are reacting to Ryback though. Not sure why. Ryback fucks up his finisher then finishes him with a second clothesline. Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow are playing off each other well. The WWE did a good job with his shirt and Rhodes isn’t too bad.

Eve Torres cuts a promo. She’s no Stephen Colbert whose act I can best think she is ripping off. But it’s way too transparent. Beth Phoenix his her opponent for a second straight week. Beth does the clean job. Another terrible gimmick. Wade Barrett is mad at AJ because he doesn’t have a match. He points out some obvious stuff. The main part of the segment evidently was the coach’s reaction. Yep, a guy who isn’t on the roster.

JBL got to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. I wonder if someone could have posted about that today. I know I didn’t have today off. It’s not passive aggressive when they know who you’re talking about them, is it? Santino Marella is taking on Heath Slater who is now in a group with Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre. The group is so dumb that even the announces don’t know why they are together. As good a crowd as Albany was, the Oklahoma crowd is the polar opposite.  They all attack Santino for the DQ. So Santino has no friends? Kofi & R Truth aren’t doing anything. Shouldn’t Slater go over clean to get this group over? He’ll bounce back from a loss.

Damien Sandow is taking on Sheamus with Cody Rhodes in the booth. Sandow takes a walk for the commercial break.For some reason, Rhodes is off the head set after it. He was doing a good job before it. This match is doing good. Not much to type. Sheamus confronts Cody who ends up getting tossed in the ring. Double Brogue Kick does no good for this tag team. I like them but they shouldn’t get the belts.

Jim Ross gets an entrance with Mitchell standing in the middle of the ring. The crowd finally comes alive. CM Punk is here to deliver my promise. I’m not even going to talk about our WWE Mole this time. Mitchell gets to play the beaten dog so they can make him not a heel again. Punk gets to talk about disrespect more. JR tells Punk he’s been embarrassing himself. I’m sure the internet wet itself when Punk said Stone Cold Steve Austin. It all goes back to earning the respect. The always lethal hat stomp. Punk gets cheap heat. Doesn’t anyone putting their hands on a no-wrestler get fired? Or suspended? Didn’t Punk make that point in the opening segment? Punk tells him to walk away from the broadcast. JR sure loves these segments. I hope he gets a big check. Ryback is his defender. I guess they’re making a back up plan in case Cena can’t make HIAC.  The crowd reacts for the second time tonight. Punk slinks away. Good deal.

Alberto Del Rio gets his zillionth chance while Ryder gets the shaft? Del Rio makes the injury angle complete for Randy Orton taping 12 Rounds II. Yuck. Kofi Kingston gets to job to him again because they don’t have anyone else who can do this job. The newlyweds are enjoying time in Jamaica, not Ghana. Ricardo Rodriguez gets on the head set. Match start commercial. Cross arm breaker not long after the break. Ricardo could have done better on the mic but he sort of stayed in character. The coach is talking straight to AJ. She makes mocking looks at him the whole time. She orders him to leave the arena. How about not having these dumb segments and have her act strong all the time?

AJ Lee ends up making herself guest referee in the main event. I never would have expected these four in the main event. They are the only four good things they’re doing in their program right now. Another start of a match, another commercial. Days of Our WWE Lives is far more important JR. Ross notes when Kane made his first appearance at a HIAC match. Is it so much to ask Cool to have that kind of info at hand, Jim, when he’s organizing his notes? Punk is taking a beating when Bryan blind tags in. Punk takes advantage. Bryan & him do have good chemistry. Big shock, I know. I’m bringing the hard hitting opinions. Of course this match goes over the time slot. I’m taping these over runs now too. I’m an idiot. Bryan locks in the No Lock. AJ tosses Heyman & Vickie. Dolph follows Vickie to the back. They note that Punk did the same to Ziggler a couple of weeks ago. Team Hell No is way over. Weirdest babyfaces in a long time. -Kevin

One Response

  1. How did Powell get an invite to the wedding?

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