All Hail Hulk Hogans Sex Tape

Get on the bed and blow me already.

Today is the realization of two items finally being crossed off of my list of “shit you never know you wanted to see?” Recently I was able to scratch off seeing an albino African American child who just so happened to have Down syndrome. I witnessed a real life “clown car” empty with nothing but dwarves, eight of them. But this, just this, beats them both for now.   Yes, getting that elusive check mark is a real life clown having sex with a good looking woman and, wait this may be the same thing; Hulk Hogan pulling out his doinker and laying some pipe. Thanks to the people at Gawker we have a clip.

Finally pieces of the hulk Hogan sex tape have been released and it doesn’t disappoint. Well, it kind of does but hen, well, yuck. It isn’t even sexy.  It contains the sexiness of a battered bag lady drenched in sour milk fellating a 4 day old corpse.  If you want, feel free and check it out but seeing Hogan’s leathery bags of milk he calls an ass pucker as he gets blown is not for everyone.

Maybe expectations were too high but then isn’t everything when it comes to wrestling now? Would anything short of a full on thirty-minute ass dildoing have been satisfying? Where is the god damn money shot brother? Instead we get some standard issue boinking and afterwards the unsexiest  conversation ever after sex. Hogan talks about his kid Nick and how he ate so much he was surprised he could go at all. This mixed with after coitus conversation of how his son’s girlfriend’s twin sister wanted to be the first to “date” Hogan.

In review, Hogan got blown, laid some pipe, complained about being full from a meal, bitched about the time and then bragged about how some other chick wanted to fuck him immediately after getting divorced. How pimp is that?

Side note:  The woman in the video is reported to be the ex-wife of Bubba The Love Sponge, Heather Clem. She is actually pretty good looking. The issue here is that Bubba doesn’t have the courtesy to watch his girl get banged out. If this is what Bubba is in to then by all means have fun but dude, at least watch and jerk it or something? Have some fun with it. Maybe you could learn from the Hulkster or something. In other words; be a man about it.  -Jeremy

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