Lilian Garcia struck by car, sent to the glue factory

Not to interrupt Kevin’s WWE Hell in a Cell coverage, but is it bad that Prowrestling.net’s news that Lilian Garcia being hit by a car made me think of the picture above? Now back to your regularly scheduled HIAC. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #HellInACell

I bought this pay per view at the last minute. I’m pretty interested in whether Ryback wins or not. I’m still leaning towards CM Punk keeping the belt.

Randy Orton (with a new hairdo so I guess he’s done filming) against Alberto Del Rio. I miss the first couple of minutes trying to do the introduction. I had to take the dogs on a short spin. This weather blows. It ranks up there for worst weather ever for a Columbus Crew game. It was top five ever. Del Rio is even terrible at mocking. This portion of the match has been solid so far. I need to pee really bad. I’m hoping for a break in the action.What the fuck did Del Rio just attempt off the top rope? Why does this guy keep getting chances? Why? Of course he locks in a cross arm breaker right after royally fucking up. Orton turns it into a school boy pin. RKO for the win. Enjoy your time in Kofi Kingston limbo, Alberto!

Paul Heyman tries to work Vickie Guerrero but it doesn’t seem to work. Daniel Bryan & Kane comes out first. Damien Sandow gets the mic when he comes out with Cody Rhodes. We are the tag team champions. They’re getting decent enough heat. Solid match so far with Daniel Bryan taking the beating after some sustained offense. My girl tells me that I missed Sandow flipping off Kane. Trying to make dinner in this process of watching HIAC. Bryan tags back in after Kane cleaned house. They start arguing. Kane disposes of Sandow. Bryan tosses Rhodes onto Kane. Bryan accidentally hits Kane in stead of Rhodes. Cross Rhodes but Kane makes the save. Kane starts going crazy. DQ cheap-o loss. I can dig this sort of. Rhodes & Sandow deserve more time in the spot light. So do Bryan & Kane. They have another month before the act is completely stale.

The Miz gets a promo before his match against Kofi Kingston. I’m uninterested in this match. It’s going on but I’m not caring. Miz kicks out of an SOS which is the first big move of the match. I do like the calf breaker Miz executed.  Nice of JR to allude to the Marcus Lattimore injury from this past Saturday. One of the ugliest injuries I’ve ever seen. The Miz takes off kofi’ protective padding. Oh No! Single leg Boston Crab which I still don’t understand. You have more control over their body if you have both legs. Small package for Kofi. Cocky pin after the DDT on Kofi only gets a two count. Kingston chucks Miz outside the ring. He catches Miz with Trouble in Paradise for the win.

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Samoa Joe poses an interesting question on Twitter

Samoa Joe wants to know:

I know my many, many answers: Authority figures with real authority… equal weight on the importance of both talking and wrestling, but not equal time, thus the complete abolishment of the 20-minute soliloquy… along those lines, the return of the in-ring/podium/backstage interview that always includes an emcee/announcer/talk-show host… a 7-year statute on “takeover” angles…

What about you? Leave a comment below!

Stunt Granny Audio #205

Here Comes the Puke!

Kevin and Eric are in the saddle this week, and the horse ain’t buckin’ us off! We hit on a Chris Jericho interview where he says CM Punk’s time has come and that Ryback is the next big star in the making, if WWE would just push him over the cliff at Sunday’s Hell in a Cell. Do we agree? Is Ryback the Ryte guy? We also discuss CM Punk writing the introduction to Avengers vs. X-Men, and Kevin helps Eric understand why that’s a big deal. (Eric only played with He-Man figures and ate glue as a kid.) Then, in the strangest and best transition and topic in Eric’s foggy, post-honeymoon memory, the boys play WWE Mad Libs. What’s Eric’s wrestling name? Even better, what’s his gimmick? And what does he dream about when he imagines being a WWE superstar someday? Listen to this and more! It’s anything but a lousy idea.

(Side note: Two items that fell off the agenda – the passing of Mike Graham and Jeff Blatnick, and the 6-minute feud between the Miz and Kofi Kingston. Feel free to comment on these topics below!)

Stunt Granny Audio Show #205

Honey Boo Boo Gonna Wrestle Child

You know, this is just white trash all over and it really is just an exasperating idea. According to TMZ James Pittaro of Pro Wrestling Academy in New Jersey has sent out the offer to Honey Boo Boo herself to train with TNA star Robbie E. Yes that adorable scamp Honey Boo Boo of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and “Toddlers and Tiaras “ fame has been propositioned to train for professional wrestling.  It should be noted here that this kid is seven.

Yup, seven-years-old.

Seeing as how I watch both Toddlers and Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo this makes me the utmost authority on the situation. SO, this tiny piece of trash has no business anywhere near the profession of professional wrestling. This girl has been exploited most of her life and wrestling is not something she needs.  If you watch the show there is no regard for this child’s well being and it is clear that this promoter wants nothing but the cash grab from having this monster on his shows.

Yes this is a clear attempt at attention on the part of James Pittaro and it worked. Doesn’t make it right of course but it was successful. It made TMZ, wrestling sites and this site, whatever it is. This is never going to come to pass of course but if it got him attention so be it.

The worst part about this story has to be that TNA has found its name dragged in to this through Robbie E. Okay that is a lie, Dixie Carter has to be in hog heaven right now seeing the TNA name on TMZ and the cable news outlets. Between this and the Hulk Hogan boinkathon TNA sure is getting a lot of publicity. Well, they might have if Hogan had mentioned Bound for Glory and TNA at least 2% of the time he was making media rounds last week.  But that is for another post.

Disclaimer: I don’t really care about Honey Boo Boo and her monster of a mother. There is no reason to have sympathy for anyone involved in that show. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Well grandkids, I started doing some sketches on my way back from Des Moines for Stunt Granny logos. I have quite a few more but this was my favorite along with my gril’s. I took my sketch pad into work and they liked it the best too. This is the sign you will see at Raw in a couple of weeks. I’m quite sure my girl and I are in camera view. I may tweak it in the future to make it an official logo but it’ll work for Raw. Let me know what you think of it. If I get some more spare time, I’ll make up more signs with the other logos and test them out. In the meantime, Let’s roll.

It looks like Rey Mysterio is healthy again. AJ Lee is at an emergency meeting but will be back within the hour. She’s not the only one who is confused. I know they’re close by but why would they wait to have a meeting the night of the only show they care about? Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow get a joint intro. Sin Cara starts against Rhodes. I’m glad the luchadores have decided to go back to their original masks. The half masks were not a good look. There was some solid action before the break. A real break from the regular format with a two segment match to start.

Rey connects with the Double 619. What a smart move by Sandow to prevent the count. Cross Rhodes for the win. Kane & Daniel Bryan both tell them that they won’t win the title. Kane continues to be funny but they’re getting into the forcing it territory.

What the hell is going on? Another match? Why is Kofi Kingston getting to kick someone in the face again? Miz is at ring side. Michael McGillicutty is the scarificial lamb. Trouble In Paradise for the win. What a throw away segment.

And the ponderous 15 minute talking segment finally comes into view. It looks like John Cena gets to sell Ryback. His elbow is looking fine but if he doesn’t get in a match, I’m not buying it’s health. CM Punk will provide some relief. Hopefully. I can dig Punk making fun of Cena as a cheerleader. Cena says he’s medically cleared. Punk is pretending, I’d imagine. He’s doing quite a sell job on this. Heyman is cracking me up too.

Justin Gabriel takes on Antonio Cesaro, who grabs the mic before the match starts. Gabriel takes advantage. It doesn’t last too long. While talking about the marathon, the WWE continues some head scratching decisions by having Justin Gabriel nail the 450 for the win. I’m all for moving some people up but not at the expense of someone who is finally doing something.

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TNA’s Tara (aka Victoria) to open pizza restaurant in Chicago; weeks later, CM Punk will sleep with her

Tara, taking orders for a piping hot DDP (Deep Dish Pizza).

According to Prowrestling.net, Lisa Marie Varon, better known as Tara from TNA (and sometimes remembered as WWE’s Victoria) plans to open a pizza restaurant in Chicago and make it her full-time job, while still wrestling for TNA, even at age… 41? Seriously? Read this:

Varon was also asked how much longer she intends to wrestle. “I get the ‘how much longer’ question in every interview nowadays,” she said. “I get it. I’m 41 in an industry where girls breaking in are half my age.

“My perspective is, I feel great, I think I look great, I put on outstanding matches for the fans, I bring out the best in my opponents, and most importantly, I am having a blast.” Read the full story at Chicagotribune.com/entertainment/celebrity/aboutlastnight/chi-lisa-marie-varon-pizza-lincoln-park-20121018,0,7414760.column.

“I think I look great.” Well, I *know* you look great, so rather than worry about that, why don’t you sling me a warm slice. And then let me buy a pizza. (And thanks to Kevin for the reminder: Here’s hoping this business of hers doesn’t mysteriously burn down like the body shop. I’m looking at you, Jeff Hardy.) -Eric

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