TNA to hold 2013 Lockdown at Alamodome (using word “dome” loosely)

7:59 p.m. Sunday, March 10, 2013

7:59 p.m. Sunday, March 10, 2013

If you tuned into TNA Impact Wrestling last night, you heard a shocking announcement. No, not that square-jawed Brooke Hogan is involved in a relationship with a man. According to Gerweck.net, TNA has booked the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas, for its Lockdown pay-per-view in March 2013.

Nothing about “TNA” and “dome” make sense together in a sentence, except maybe a year ago when I would have said “TNA Knockout Angelina Love needs to give me dome.” What we have here is a company who draws an 80%-full house in Ottumwa, Iowa (and 2 of those people only want to steal your world title belt to pawn it for meth money) now hoping to fill at least the 20K-capacity basketball configuration where the San Antonio Spurs play, or at most the 66,000-seat Dome that even WWE couldn’t sell out in 1997 with hometown hero Shawn Michaels as the headliner, hot-as-fire Steve Austin winning the Royal Rumble, and a bunch of old Mexicans like Canek and Mil Mascaras in supporting roles. If I were The Chism Company in San Antonio, I’d stay open on March 10, because TNA will need to tarp the shit out of that building. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #209

This week, it’s Jeremy and Dusty at the wheel for another hour-plus of fun and adventure. Dusty discusses his love for IQ lowering television shows and Burt Reynolds.  Jeremy believes that rednecks get a bad rap and are actually very intelligent and super resourceful people.  Jeremy expresses his extreme displeasure with the newest Spider Man movie, while Dusty ogles Mageina Tovah and gives props to David Herman and Artie Lange.  Somewhere in their meandering traipse through pop culture, the fearless duo even stop to talk some wrestling along the way. Is there anyone either of them would actually pay money to see, or buy merchandise for, or otherwise shell out any money for?  Dusty terrifies himself when realizing that half the wrestlers he would not change the channel for are in TNA right now. They both beat that dead horse good and deader with some talk about what should be done to actually improve the state of pro wrestling right now. And finally, they end with some talk of the latest mishap surrounding the Detroit Red Wings, because when you drive drunk, you should always be wearing a funny costume while doing so. And a whole lot more stuff gets talked about that they don’t even remember, so give it a listen or else the consequences will never be the same.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #209

@PrimeWrestling – Season 6 – Episode 5

Joe Dombrowski and Aaron Maguire open the show running down the matches tonight. The main event is Matt Cross versus Gory. Jeremy Madrox (whoops I thought it was Madlocks) is fighting Edric Everhart, both of who are debuting. “Amazing” N8 Mattson is kicking off the show against Bobby Beverly. Benjamin Boone accompanies Mattson. The match starts with stalling. Beverly takes over with some basic moves. Dombrowski admits the obvious and mentions Mattson’s weight loss, but says he’s in better shape than he was the last time he was in the ring. Maguire backed him up. (They’re both nuts if by losing muscle mass, you get in better shape.) An enziguri takes Mattson to the outside. Beverly nails a running forearm off the apron. Boone distracts Beverly. Mattson assaulted him from behind. Mattson chokes Beverly when they got back to the ring. A high knee by Mattson got a two count. Beverly fought out of a neck vice. Mattson gave him a neck breaker. Mattson gave Beverly a fisherman’s buster. Beverly kicked out after a middle rope leg drop. Beverly stopped the tide with a Downward Spiral. Beverly clothes lined MAttson twice. Beverly with a back breaker. Boone distracted the ref and Beverly. Nicki Valentino pulled Boone off the apron. Mattson got slammed into Boone & Valentino who both got back up on the apron. Beverly rolled him up for the win. Beverly goes to shake Valentino’s hand but Nicki brushed it off and went back stage.

Analysis: Not exactly the way I’d like to see it finish. I’d wish for a clean Beverly victory. The stories fit together though. Boone would want to help Mattson, Valentino is still undecided so he helps his boy out. I get it. Well wrestled match that has more potential if they gave it more time. Score: +1.

Kirst felt like a junky after he power bombed Gregory Iron. He needed to get that high again. He did it to Daniel Arkham. Kirst finished by saying that he’ll send him to hell but Iron will like it better than what he puts him through. Analysis: I’m just not a fan of the rhetoric and he didn’t take advantage of the filming like Kirst does. He hasn’t had much promo time on here so I’ll see if he can improve. Score: 0.

Nicki Valentino talks about the black cloud coming over Prime Wrestling. He doesn’t like the celebrities who have nothing to do with wrestling. He points out Corey and Chris Van Vliet. He thinks we may think he’s crazy but he thinks there’s only one way, old school. Valentino said that he has a plan to rid the celebrities of Prime Wrestling when they least expect it. Analysis: His character is going somewhere but they need to go all in with the serious Valentino. I feel like they’re half assing it. I like his delivery better than Kirst. Score: 0.

Jeremy Madrox was accompanied to the ring by “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine. They said Madrox is from the west side of Columbus. That’s a lot of territory dude. I live on the Northwest side. I need a direction. Edric Everhart came out second. Madrox knocked him down with a shoulder block. He trash talked the crowd. Everhart clothes lined him. Everhart shoulder blocked Madrox down. Everhart flying shoulder blocked him. Everhart slammed Madrox. Everhart nailed a running forearm. Madrox caught him coming in the second time. Madrox slammed Everhart into another corner’s turnbuckle. Madrox jump kicked Everhart, similar to a Broski Boot. Madrox locked in a nerve hold. Fontaine grabbed Everhart’s leg. Madrox gave him a back suplex. Madrox locked in the camel clutch for the submission win.

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WWE Cyber Monday Deals

The WWE advertized deals up to 90% off select items during Raw last night. Naturally I started looking for deals last night during the show in my Blog (see below, I’m not linking it) but couldn’t find any in the first three or four pages. Luckily, the WWE has kept these deals going through today. I have looked through many more pages. Here are the deals I came up with that are 90% off.

Zack Ryder – 8×10 Unsigned Photo – Are you ready to go to a wrestling convention, bro? I say pick up this SSSIIICCCKKK photograph so that you can shell out the money you saved for his autograph.

WWE Magazine – August 2011 – I mean, who wouldn’t want this priceless item for 99 cents? I was curious to find out what exactly was in this magazine so I could make fun of it’s stellar contents. The WWE didn’t mention the information when you’re giving this away for 90% off! Instead of getting that information, I’m going to leave you with a Youtube clip that reviews the magazine. Naturally, no American is dumb enough to do this review. It is a very riveting so enjoy.

Yes, that is the entire list of items 90% off out of a total of 401 items. Advertisements are always genuine. Never a hint of a lie in them. At least you can get these items for a combined $1.18. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

After not thinking about Stunt Granny since last Monday night, I feel recharged. Let’s roll.

Ryback comes out as Baby Momma Drama comes up top side. He’s babbling. Ryback comes down to fight Titus O’Neil. Good continuation from Smackdown. They should have acknowledged it in the video package. O’Neil is getting in good offense. What a weird way for Ryback to get the offense back. A weak toss into Darren Young? Should I start comparing him to the Steiners because of the clothes line thing? I might have to do that. Ryback’s promos are so simple.

The local wrestlers come out to get rid of Ryback. My girl starts complaining about Vickie Guerrero not wearing a bra again. Vickie gives Ryback the match at TLC. They are giving him a lot more rope to hang himself. He’s coming across as a maniac. I’m fine with it. Why are we getting replay of Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes? It was just a joke according to Hornie. Rosa acts like a moron. Alberto Del Rio comes to her defense. The Great Khali makes the save. Oh, it’s back story for the match. Better than normal for a nothing match.

Alberto starts working over the arm early.  I have to see what items are 90% off. This match is ridiculous. Ricardo distracts Khali. Hornie bites his ass. Del Rio takes advantage. Why did they have the back story? This match was dumb. CM Punk comes in to complain to Vickie. My girl complains about the bra again. Paul Heyman tries to smooth talk her. Vickie tries to connect the dots with the masked men. Punk has to take on Daniel Bryan or Kane. Heyman answers Punk’s question about what’s wrong with her with “Everything.” Pretty funny.

Michael Cole talks to Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman something or another. He askes if they’re working for CM Punk. They wonder about why Vickie and Booker T need to listen to the WWE Universe. They say they are just doing what is right. They are the shield is the common theme. Roman ends the interview. They deliver a good promo but if they’re going to guard from injustice, they need to attack someone other than Ryback. If they want the Punk rumors to continue though, they only attack Ryback.

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Stunt Granny Conspiracy Audio Show #1: Paul is Dead

In the first of this series, Dusty and Eric talk about the Paul is Dead conspiracy, perhaps the most popular conspiracy theory of all time. Therein they talk about:

-the origins of the rumor

-the various clues the Beatles may have left behind in their music and photographs

-the apparent physical differences in Paul, before and after his supposed death

-the timeline of how things might have happened

-the splintering groups among conspiracy theorists as to what actually happened to Paul (Paul is dead vs Paul was replaced vs Paul is alive and always has been)

And a whole lot more, and it’ll only take an hour of your life, so give it a listen and form your own opinions!

If you wish to “research” this topic more, here are the message boards talked about in the audio. Paul is Dead: http://60if.proboards.com/index.cgi. Paul was Replaced: http://invanddis.proboards.com/index.cgi. Paul is Alive: http://maccafunhouse.proboards.com/. And here is the Fool on the Hill promotional picture mentioned in the audio:

Stunt Granny Audio Conspiracy Show

Headlines: John Cena MRI shows that he’s a meathead, Chris Jericho to host fighting robot show

Knee injuries (to good-looking women) suck.

According to Prowrestling.net, John Cena had an MRI on the knee he tweaked on WWE Monday Night Raw, and he Tweeted:

MRI was typical good news bad news scenario. I’ve dealt with knee issues for the past few years, I’ll add one more to that list. I know the risks of what can happen to me and I’m willing to play the odds.

So rather than let his body heal, which is for the best in the long run, he’d rather white-knuckle-grasp his top spot as usual. Sure, Dolph Ziggler could benefit in the eyes of traditional fans by working with Cena, but WWE could also let an injury be an injury angle and put some heat on a guy who’s about to lose to Cena on a Z-level pay-per-view. Hell, even Hulk Hogan took a few months off after Earthquake sat on him, and they stretched that feud out from May 1990 to January 1991. </fantasybooking>

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Chris Jericho just landed a gig as the host of the Robot Combat League series on Syfy, debuting February 26. On Twitter, Jericho referred to it as a “major project.” On Stunt Granny, I referred to it as a big turd in the middle of the carpet. But whatever: I guess when my dog takes a shit in the living room, I don’t get paid for it. Go, Jericho, Go! -Eric

Headlines: Linda McMahon gives staffer a condom, Kaitlyn arrested and something something condom

Did anyone else not know her last name is Bonin? Sounds appropriate…

According to Prowrestling.net, a staff member for Linda McMahon’s U.S. Senate campaign has gone public with a complaint that not only did his paycheck for 16 hours of work bounce, but he was also given a condom and told he was “screwed.” Lots of things going on here. 1) Good job on finding 16 hours of work, Occupier. 2) The McMahons can spend $50 million on a losing campaign but can’t cough up 16 hours x Connecticut minimum wage? 3) Assuming the staffer is also a pro wrestling fan, that condom is the closest he will ever get to sex with a woman.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, WWE Diva Kaitlyn was arrested at (at, not before or after) the WWE Smackdown tapings in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for failure to pay an old speeding ticket. Let this be a lesson to all celebrities who are not important enough for the law to ignore (Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber): If you’re regularly on TV, and your company makes its taping schedule public, you will be caught. Also, this post about Kaitlyn is the closest I will ever get to sex with a woman. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The picture above is the state of my cable presently. It decided that USA HD wasn’t worth taping either. I turned over just in time to see Randy Orton get the first fall against Alberto Del Rio. He’s burned thru every other possible PPV opponent on TV so why not restart with Del Rio? Dear lord. My cable company isn’t answering their phones either right now. It’s fabulous. Randy Orton wins the third fall. They both continue to tread water. I’m guessing I didn’t miss a whole lot in the first 1:15. I feel better about having watched The Walking Dead instead of checking to see if Raw was recording. Replays are finally worth watching. My girl thinks it quite gross to see John Cena kiss AJ Lee. She’s still doesn’t think it’s a kid’s angle appropriate for PG programming. I am unconvincing.

For some reason, we have a Great Khali vs Epico & Primo match. Hornswoggle is hitting on Rosa at ring side. Hornie has trick flowers. Khali wins. No one cares about anyone involved. Paul Heyman wants balloons. Yikes. Really glad I missed the beginning.

The Miz tries to get his babyface turn off the launch pad with his third Ohio date in seven days against David Otunga. I’m digging Otunga on the offense. I’m still perplexed as to how his mic skills are his worst part of his persona now. Lawler tries to sell Miz because he’s left handed. You could have done more to help out King. Skull Crushing Finale for the win. The WWE shows why I shouldn’t purchase a PPV because they show end of the Big Show vs Sheamus.

More replays fill me in. They’ve given Ryback an extension of this feud with CM Punk by way laying him with three nobodies. Sheamus gets to talk before his match. The crowd is giving him the “What?” treatment. Weird. Don’t fans normally reserve that for heels? Big Show hobbles out to the ramp. Wow, Sheamus gets accused of being barbaric. Both sides seemed wrong. Sheamus is bitching about what a heel did. Show sounds like a giant sissy for calling someone barbaric. Aren’t you building him up as a bad ass? Damien Sandow comes down for his arse kicking. Why is Lawler excited about the Punk celebration? Shouldn’t he be mad at him for being a braggart? I don’t think I’m missing anything. A beard tossing takes us to commercial.

Sandow is in control after the break. My girl is telling me a ridiculous story. I’m so not paying attention to this match. White Noise looks more harmful than Shell Shock. Brogue Kick. Tamina is talking to Vickie Guerrero. AJ comes in to talk to her. Vickie is supposed to be evil. I’m just not buying it.

Layla tells AJ it’s not worth it. AJ storms into the men’s locker room. For some reason everyone is in one room. She confronts my boy Dolph Ziggler. She is a shell of a woman. He’s a dick. Him, I’m buying. She attacks him. Cena makes the save. Ziggler plows Cena thru some obviously weakened partitions.

What the hell, there’s a trainers office? I’m digging the background action. Just looks like people working somewhere. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young get some mic time. We have a cavalcade of entrances with Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Daniel Bryan and Kane. Oh, it’s a traditional tag team match. I figured we’d be having another 8 man tag match. O’Neil is taking up air time but I’m not digging it. Commercial break. O’Neil calls Lawler “Old School” after a wash rag comment. You’ve just made a dozen heart attack jokes. Yes, he’s old. He had a god damn heart attack. Listen to yourself. King is having fun giving a hard time to these guys. O’Neil & Young end up attacking Kane. Sin Cara makes the save. Double 619. People are loving a three peat. Fitting end for PTP. Paul Heyman is talking up the party for CM Punk, to Punk himself. Punk is giddy.

Paul Heyman gets to give the big intro. Punk is going with a self serving promo. It’s not bad but he’s not reeling me in either. Ryback interrupts but gets attacked by Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. Punk saunters over to Ryback and raises his arms in victory. Best part of his promo.  -Kevin

Top 10 Survivor Series Elimination Matches

We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.

Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law 🙂 )

Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!

1988
Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
vs.
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors

1989
Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
vs.
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
vs.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules

Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
vs.
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
vs.
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers

1991
Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
vs.
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith

1993
Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
vs.
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb

1994
Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett

1995
Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
vs.
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas

2001
The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
vs.
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon

2003
Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley

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