Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

After not thinking about Stunt Granny since last Monday night, I feel recharged. Let’s roll.

Ryback comes out as Baby Momma Drama comes up top side. He’s babbling. Ryback comes down to fight Titus O’Neil. Good continuation from Smackdown. They should have acknowledged it in the video package. O’Neil is getting in good offense. What a weird way for Ryback to get the offense back. A weak toss into Darren Young? Should I start comparing him to the Steiners because of the clothes line thing? I might have to do that. Ryback’s promos are so simple.

The local wrestlers come out to get rid of Ryback. My girl starts complaining about Vickie Guerrero not wearing a bra again. Vickie gives Ryback the match at TLC. They are giving him a lot more rope to hang himself. He’s coming across as a maniac. I’m fine with it. Why are we getting replay of Hornswoggle and Rosa Mendes? It was just a joke according to Hornie. Rosa acts like a moron. Alberto Del Rio comes to her defense. The Great Khali makes the save. Oh, it’s back story for the match. Better than normal for a nothing match.

Alberto starts working over the arm early.  I have to see what items are 90% off. This match is ridiculous. Ricardo distracts Khali. Hornie bites his ass. Del Rio takes advantage. Why did they have the back story? This match was dumb. CM Punk comes in to complain to Vickie. My girl complains about the bra again. Paul Heyman tries to smooth talk her. Vickie tries to connect the dots with the masked men. Punk has to take on Daniel Bryan or Kane. Heyman answers Punk’s question about what’s wrong with her with “Everything.” Pretty funny.

Michael Cole talks to Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman something or another. He askes if they’re working for CM Punk. They wonder about why Vickie and Booker T need to listen to the WWE Universe. They say they are just doing what is right. They are the shield is the common theme. Roman ends the interview. They deliver a good promo but if they’re going to guard from injustice, they need to attack someone other than Ryback. If they want the Punk rumors to continue though, they only attack Ryback.

Fandango is trying to get attention. I like The Shield’s version better. Tamina Snuka gets push 2.0. Tamina doesn’t like that AJ doesn’t know her place. Why is Alicia smiling at her? Mitchell Cool and Lawler are doing a decent job of bantering about The Shield. Tamina’s outfit is terrible. It is way too gaudy. Superfly Splash for the win. The girl “She’s a man, why wouldn’t she win?” Fair enough.

John Cena gets his big speech. Kind of short before Vickie comes down. She does a good job of pointing out AJ‘s obvious mistakes. AJ is defending herself well. She points out that she can date anyone now that she’s not GM. Cena is a dork and drops the mic when he is spanked. AJ with a nice hit below the belt. Dolph Ziggler is the last one to join the party. “It’s a kid’s show” comes from the lady. I think she’s making a good point after Dolph talks about the tongue shoving down. Vickie makes their match for tonight. A little soon, no? I’m calling for interference. It’s got to go to pay per view.

Kofi Kingston gets to beat Tensai while Wade Barrett is on the head set. He’s doing a good job of selling himself while Tensai beats down Kofi. He turned it around until Tensai blocks Trouble. Tensai counters the Fulcrum Kick. A Cross body should not have won that match. I like the cocky drop off of the belt by Barrett. Daniel Bryan is talking to Kane. Bryan shows the polling data with maps. Pretty funny. I know it’s Kane. I still haven’t found out what items are actually 90% off. Bryan is taking on Rey Mysterio. What a waste of a first time match.

Man we are having a good discussion about her thoughts on the WWE not interacting enough. She knows that they aren’t really catering to their age group. She wants Vince to let go of his grip and let someone who can connect with the fans better in there. She’s watched too much wrestling. They get a commercial break. At least they aren’t blowing off the importance of the match. Rey hits the 619 around the ring post and Drops The Dime for the win. He didn’t need that win. Bryan did. Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo are talking when Rosa Mendes shows up again. I’m all for more Rosa. Dolph Ziggler talks about his accomplishments. Nice.

This match is definitely is ending with some craziness. Dolph Ziggler takes on John Cena at the 10 PM time slot. Ziggler does look like a moron doing the sit ups. The push ups by the likes of Scott Steiner look more manly. The Sleeper hold is working too well. STF broken by the ropes. Ziggler nails a drop kick. Stupid roll thru John Cena superman bologna. Ziggler gets two from a neck breaker. He’s frustrated. Cena sells the knee injury. Ziggler exposes the turn buckle. Well, he tried to until AJ interferes. Vicke comes down. Cena wins clean with an AA. Fucking A. What does Dolph have to do? Fucking really? My girl has had enough of the kissing couple.

I’ve had enough of the Sheamus recap. Antonio Cesaro is his opponent. He can’t catch a break recently. Lawler acting more peppy than he has in a while. Cesaro drops Sheamus on his face on the ring steps for our commercial break. Has every match had one so far tonight? No luck so far on that 90% off item yet. Only 5 pages of deals. The cheapest shirt I saw was 60% off. This match could still work out for Cesaro. Sheamus does the reverse chest pound. Nice change. I’m not sure what move that was by Cesaro but it was awesome for a two count. A fireman’s slam is what I’m going with after the replay. Uppercut when Sheamus comes off the top rope. Brogue Kick dumps Cesaro out of the ring. Big Show comes out to the ramp. Cesaro gets counted out. Sheamus gets a promo. He’s turned up the serious a little bit. Big Show tears apart the chair. Fun visual. The girl is not buying it.

Damien Sandow gets to talk about our ignorance. Zack Ryder gets to job to him again. I’m still feeling bad for him. The people’s will has not helped him. Maybe The Shield should help him. I’m digging the Ghost Busters homage by Ryder. Noose Neckbreaker for the win. I like Sandow more but Zack deserves better. Josh Matthews asks Paul Heyman about Kane but he turns it into a how much disrespect can he tolerate speech. Good non-answer.

Kane and Punk are up next in the ring. It has been a good night for wrestling in my opinion. Mitchell Cool is slowly sliding back into heel territory without over doing it. He’d be so much better if he was defensive contrarian. Punk is really selling this knee injury. I figured it was a ploy. Roman Reigns is his name. The Shield come out and distracts Kane. Punk hits the GTS for the win. The Shield attacks. Daniel Bryan tries to make the save. Ryback makes the real save. Punk takes advantage. The Shield beats down Ryback again. They opt for keeping the rumors around. I taped The Soup but I’m not watching it tonight. -Kevin


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