Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

funny-baby-faces-piercing

The babyfaces prominently figure into the review of Smackdown and Raw from last week. We’re off and running too with Kane & Daniel Bryan coming out to start the show. The Shield are in a luxury box. Kane gives the normal manhood challenge. The Shield does the normal heel tactic of standing around. The Prime Time Players are caught in the middle of another angle. They won’t get traction this way no matter how long you keep them together. Dean Ambrose is left alone a short time into the match. Mitchell Cool is slowly going back to heel mode which is better than his previous incarnation. At least the WWE is smart enough to have security with The Shield.

The Shield keeps moving closer to the ring after the break. The big story is on the outside which brings me to the point above. Lawler was trying to sell them the whole match. Daniel Bryan with the cheap roll up win after near interference. The Shield is snuffing out some injustice. I’m trying to sell my girl on The Shield snuffing out the injustice of being an undeserving, character driven wrestler or tandem. John Cena & Sheamus have witty banter. I’m glad Sheamus has retired the Irish stories for the most part. He finishes strong.

“This man again?” pipes up the girl when they introduce Tamina. She is giving AJ Lee a lesson way too early for this feud. Of course AJ gets the cheap roll up win because the women aren’t worth a full on, to a pay per view feud. They officially get squashed when CM Punk almost immediately shows up.

Paul Heyman does all of the talking. He stole the Mount Rushmore gimmick from us. CM Punk is telling some tall tales. He denies alliance with Brad Maddox and The Shield. He asks people to leave the arena. Oh no, Jeremy warned me about this. The Miz is in a no win situation. He needs to get rid of the “Really?” crutch. Punk throwing down the proverbial punk card. The Miz wants him on his show for a lie detector test. Really? Pipe Bonn? You really screwed the pooch, Mike. The Miz must have been on Law & Order as an assistant DA.

John Cena & Sheamus come out to start the 9 PM hour. Should I compliment Cena on finally using black and gold? I’m liking Sheamus’s new shirt. Not the best thing but I’ve seen worse. The Big Show & Dolph Ziggler come down in time to have a slow start to a match before a commercial break at about 9:03. The opposites attract for the in ring work. Baby Momma Drama & The Girl try to team up on me about Dolph Ziggler and Kent State. John Cena gets the hot tag against Ziggler. Wow, another clean win for Cena over Ziggler. What the fuck are they doing with my boy? Shit or get off the pot with him. Why does he even have that brief case? Dear lord, they give The Miz more time but with his old show introduction.

Damien Sandow realizes his quest is futile. I’m glad they’ve given him the old “Million Dollar Man” segment. Santino Marella is his opponent. Sandow gets the jump on him but they decide to stretch it out over a commercial break. The conch shell joke should not have been mentioned a second time. Termanus. Why did it go over a break? I didn’t care about the match. Dolph Ziggler blames the Big Show for his loss. Vickie is starting to lose faith. That makes sense and makes his plea believable. Brad Maddox still has a job. Woof.

Maddox is selling her on her greatness. He’s a Youtube sensation. Is this a way to get back at Zack Ryder. Vickie drops a “Great” hint. Sin Cara comes out for his monthly match against another Mexican. This time it’s against Alberto Del Rio. He takes control early. Sin Cara gets in a little bit of offense before the break. Del Rio is back in control quickly though. Oh my lord, Baby Momma Drama is babbling. It’s hard to concentrate. He keeps on trying to talk directly to me because of how much I’m ignoring him. Sin Cara almost gets a pin fall. Del Rio with the cross arm breaker. Another bland match with more movement. Vince McMahon shows up to start off the 10 PM hour. Vince is wearing a normal suit. Good on him.

Vickie is his test subject. He’s been playing this game with her to think. Does this amuse him? Vince does put the great stipulation in of putting the MITB brief case on the line. Paul Heyman will be in a match against Ryback if CM Punk is a liar. Vince wanted to come out to do that? It’s the best use of his clout? Terrible.

Brad Maddox isn’t going to be part of the WWE because he is fighting The Great Khali. Randy Orton is the pick. Whoops. RKO in short order. The Shield is attacking more of the top baby face crew. This could be the most interesting angle for Randy Orton in ages.

Vickie is yelling at Charles Robinson for some reason. Dolph Ziggler insults her. Vickie & Heyman glower at each other. John Cena tops her trio of guests. He mockingly thanks her. Ziggler needs the win at TLC. That’d make the loses make sense. Vickie tries to keep the AJ & Cena going even though it’s against McMahon’s orders. At least the announcers did their job. Kofi Kingston & R Truth are taking on Antonio Cesaro & Wade Barrett. Raw active vote for the championship to be defended. It’s a trick question, neither belt means anything. Better option than going for what I expected, a six man match.

Baby Momma Drama is still in rare form. Kofi Kingston botches a toss move with R Truth. Cesaro is in charge for another commercial break within a match. Interesting that they had Kofi & Truth fight and Barrett & Cesaro pair off. The later didn’t last as long as I’d like. They move things to the traditional heel/babyface pairings after my comment. Cesaro with the Neutralizer for the win. I’m surprised. Good guy for him to beat to move him up the ladder. You protect his feud with Truth and Barrett for his feud with Kofi.

The Miz gets to take another verbal beating from CM Punk. The Miz busts out a good question about Punk’s head being shaved. The Miz does his best Tom Cruise impersonation which isn’t very good. The Shield attacks the Miz. I was wondering when that would happen. He’s picking on Punk. People are all over the first appearance of Ryback. The Shield is getting it handed to them after he shows up. Bryan & Kane are evening things up. Punk  trash talks to the Miz. Ryback is back to pounce on Punk. Good ending segment. -Kevin

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