Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

martin-luther-king-jr2

I don’t get off for Martin Luther King Day. At least I have something in common with the WWE wrestlers. I’m starting late after recording about Gangster Squad. Let’s roll.

Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman come out to start the show. Dear lord, toothless man in the front row. If you can afford those tickets, can’t you afford some fake teeth? Paul Heyman lays it on thick as usual. Replay already. And more replay. It wasn’t the Rock‘s best work. I saw somewhere that he doesn’t owe us to change his schtick. That’s fine. Just know that I know it’s recycled material and I will continue to not like it. Cheesiest police set up ever. The police are not the guards at Buckingham Palace. Vickie gets to play the tired, old heel schtick.

Beat The Clock Challenge between Randy Orton and Antonio Cesaro. They love the long start to this challenge then the matches slowly start to resemble normal Raw length matches. Nothing happens before the break. The WWE loves it’s own formulas. I had glazed over the #BeatTheClock stuff until Mitchell Cool pointed it out. He’s doing his job. Since the winner gets to pick their number, a heel wins this challenge, right? RKO out of nowhere for an 11:36 match time. They try to build drama. I’m not biting. Nice of them to give Mick Foley a full career run down. The Shield tries to look like terrorists. They’re just getting started without still having any distinct personality traits or a winning in ring match.

Brad Maddox is going to get more air time than the match between Big Show and Zack Ryder. WMD for a short match. Big Show got screwed in the Beat The Clock challenge.

Brad Maddox gets more air time with Paul Heyman who invites him on board. 3MB is air guitaring. So stupid but somewhat funny. Ryback gets to crush Heath Slater. Heath gets a spoonful of offense. Finish him. Ryback got screwed in the challenge too. He’s got a mic again. The Rock is still jonsesing to get in. Vickie bribed their boss and admitted it on camera. Doesn’t she get arrested now? Why are they wearing the same outfit? Vickie can’t stop laughing at the Rock.

CM Punk gets his promo time. The WWE Title is his life’s work. Punk is doing what he can to make fun of the fans. They don’t seem to be buying it. A solid promo. The content was a little “Eh” to me. I love his facial expressions.

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Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Dredd

Buy two copies.

Buy two copies.

One thing you need to get over before viewing this film is the Lions Gate logo. 90% of the time the movie that follows is total garbage. Much to my surprise this movie falls in the 10% of Lions Gate successes. There is no reason this movie should be half as awesome as it turned out. Sure you need to ignore the incredible similarities to The Raid: Redemption but that movie was completely awesome as well. There really isn’t much to dislike about this flick. The simple structure is laid out just like an arc from the comics. There are concise and deliberate breaks in the story that read as a cliffhanger form issue to issue. It is a nice touch really and wouldn’t mind more comic movies doing the same thing. Yes the plot is a tad thin but the action and the creative use of slow motion/bullet time violence adds a creative touch not seen since the Matrix.  So go out and buy a copy or to on Blu-ray so we get a sequel to this surprisingly fun movie.  -Jeremy

#SippyTimeBeer Review

Abita Brew Kettle Founders

Abita Brewing CompanySatsuma Harvest Wit – I learned what a satsuma is this weekend.  It’s the name for a tangerine since it was originally from the Satsuma province of Japan. The good folks from Abita Springs, LA got a hold of them for a very refreshing beer. I’m not one for summer shandies because I think they get heavy handed in the fruit department. This beer left just enough orange flavor on my palate. It was a nice change after drinking a rye beer, which I won’t review today. Abita makes good products so go out there and hunt this one down.

The Brew KettleLake BeErie – This beer is from Strongsville, OH which is west of my old stomping grounds at Kent. As far as I can tell, the distribution is just in Ohio and specifically for their Taproom and Brewhouse. This beer has confirmed something that I’ve been thinking since starting these reviews, I’m not a big pilsner fan. They’re just there. It’s hard to describe something that goes in and out almost as smoothly as water. I’m not the biggest fan of “cute” names especially when you look at the map and still see a solid 30-45 minute drive from Strongsville to Lake Erie. For a pilsner, I’d pick this one over the Victory Prima Pils though.

Founders Brewing CompanyPorter – It’s billed as dark, rich and sexy. I can agree on the first two parts. The last part might happen if you have enough of them at the bar and you strap on your beer goggles. This porter is dark and rich enough to drink like a stout. They say there’s chocolate and caramel (also called crystal) malt. I didn’t taste much of the chocolate but I did taste the toffee flavor which to me is more like a coffee flavor. Here’s TheFullPint review. They’re out of Grand Rapids, MI and have a find it search for their products in your area. There isn’t anything too fancy to this porter and that makes it just right to drink, hopefully in your area. -Kevin

TNA has a new television program and network

Poop. Poop is an idea.

Poop. Poop is an idea.

TNA announced today they have reached a two year contract extension with FUEL TV to air what assuredly is compelling television. FUEL who carries Impact Wrestling will now be adding TNAs new programs , well here is how they describe it.

‘Unfinished Business’ – an in-depth look at historic feuds and moments in IMPACT WRESTLING history – and ‘British Boot Camp’, a thrilling six-part entertainment series following four aspiring British wrestlers as they embark on their ambition to join TNA’s wrestling roster.

Now you may be wondering if I have gotten the channel name wrong. No it is not Spike TV carrying IMPACT wrestling,  it is definitely FUEL TV. It just so happens that we are talking about Australian television and not the good ole US of A. Yup, TNA is trumpeting a television deal with a network in a totally different country since the company makes no waves over here.

Just how long is this Unfinished Business show supposed to run? What historic feuds have they had? They certainly have had feuds but nothing really historic. So, it should have a shelf life of about four to six weeks I figure.

Leave it to the exhausted braintrust of TNA to concentrate on another program when their flagship program still draws the exact same god damn rating it has for years. There has been no growth other than the amount of television they have and even then they are ridding themselves of PPVs. So there is less money making potential with less PPVS but now we get a nostalgia show of a company that has been around ten years.

I give up.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Poll: What WWE Royal Rumble moment are you most looking forward to?

I can’t imagine we missed any big moments above, but if we did, write them in by leaving a comment below!

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