Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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I’m trying to do too much these days. I’m thinking this review will be more half assed than normal. Time to speed thru this puppy.

Randy Orton is fighting Antonio Cesaro. I’m thinking Orton is the new main event guy who puts new talent over. CM Punk comes out irate as he should be. He’s ready to do some party crashing. I remember the days. I have no idea why Vince McMahon can fire Paul Heyman. I’m glad the Miz is the hook for the match. Ugh. Of course even after the commercial break, nothing happens before the commercial break that follows the “beginning” of the match. It wasn’t worth starting a new paragraph.

I’m not even paying attention to the match. Uh oh, ref touching. The Miz allows Orton to hit the RKO. They’re staying the predictable course. The Miz gets to rub it in. I’m “loving” that Mitchell Cool is still on the Miz band wagon. Ryback needs to make us laugh. Stupid.

Even better, Matt Striker is hosting. The Prime Time Players get to be in this show down. Ryback’s joke is appropriate. I still don’t like his finisher. People are loving him though. Matt Striker deserved it. JBL is awesome for laughing at him. That woman in the front row, corner of the entrance is something else.

Wade Barrett gets to choose his opponent. Boy, I wonder why Bo Dallas eliminated him last night? Bo Dallas wins. I’m surprised. That seems pretty weak man. I’m all for the surprise win but it needs to look more flukey than that. John Cena is Cody Rhodes next match.

Cena is on Fruity Pebbles. Thank you Rock. Lawler is still talking about Goldust from last night. Cody Rhodes is leaving. The match was the right length. Cena with an AA. He gets to gab after the match. Cena tries to play the underdog card. He’s coming with an answer though. Of course he’s choosing the Rock or CM Punk. The Shield shows up. JBL calling the stupid card as he should be. Sheamus finally gets off his lazy ass. Ryback makes the real save. Are they actually putting over the Shield? The good guys still look like a bunch of idiots.

Tensai vs Brodus Clay in a lingerie pillow fight match. Thank goodness they begged off. I won’t be watching the Dance Off.

Oh jimminy cricket, Tensai still wore the lingerie. Poor Tensai. I’m laughing at him though. I’d love to see Brodus do a split. My girl likes his top. Clay teaches him to dance. I need more alcohol. Ron Simmons is still awesome. I’m guessing without watching that Alberto Del Rio is in a body slam match with the Big Show.

This is predictable shit. Wow, Big Show freaking out is not predictable. Maybe it shouldn’t be. They’re trying to make Del Rio more of a babyface. Ricardo’s tattoos are all terrible. He needs to get that shit covered up. The crowd isn’t buying it either. I’m enjoying Big Show toying with him.

Kaitlyn is moved into a match with Tamina. This is stupid. Oh, it’s lumber jills with show girl outfits. I like Kaitlyn’s outfit better. Her fashion has been questionable. Cat fight. Woof. Kaitlyn and Tamina stare at each other, kind of. Woof.

The Rock gets his time. Last segment before I deliver the girl back to her abode. Car repairs are a bitch. Thank you CM Punk. The manhood question is always available. I love Punk granting Rock a rematch. Rock’s got no answer on the mic really. The crowd is crushing him though.

Sheamus and Damien Sandow are in some type of a match. I heard it before I left. I don’t care. Ahh, tables match. Thanks for solving that one quickly. I’m glad Sandow is getting in more offense than Rhodes. I like the White Noise thru the table for the win. Figured it’d be a Brogue Kick.

I’m going to FF thru the Great Khali doing karaoke. 3MB makes it interesting. I’m glad Mitchell Cool is apologizing to the WWE Universe as he should be. I feel bad for Zack Ryder. Not sure I can type that enough times. He comes up with a fun character and he gets shit on. He doesn’t even get Heath Slater level TV exposure.

Raw is still Chris Jericho. Dolph Ziggler gets to respond to Jericho who paraded thru his baby face catch phrases. Dog peeing joke. Where’s Steph when you need to poop it up? Vickie Guerrero is back to being a baby face since Dolph is involved. They get to team together against Team Hell No. Kane & Daniel Bryan make it down before a commercial. Kane choke slams Ziggler after a cheap Jericho trick. At least it wasn’t as tedious as most of them. Trish Stratus is a deserving Hall of Fame member. I remember thinking she wasn’t going to be more than arm candy. She showed me way wrong. Hey  Miz, look at her ascent and get out of your rut.

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Paul Heyman gets to answer to Vince McMahon for the main event. I’m not going to like this. The camera man is a snitch. The godfather moment is kind of funny. Brock Lesnar wakes me up from my coma. OK, good reason for this to be in the main event. I love him just pointing at Heyman. F5. HHH vs Brock is confirmed on TV. -Kevin

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