Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

ap_paul_bearer

We have to cover wrestling some time. So here it is after a week off and more to come from our shenanigans in Nashville. Let’s roll.

The WWE does the right thing and pays tribute to Paul Bearer to start the show. The man that awkwardly ended that segment comes out next. Thanks for giving your catch phrase to a real dead man, Undertaker. CM Punk interrupts before Taker can get started. I love the promo again. What a dick move.

They are really pushing WWE Active. I’m still not biting. Kane goes on a rampage against Punk because Undertaker can’t wrestle. Alex Riley finally gets some air time. Big Show comes out next. They recap more story that didn’t happen on TV. Here’s an idea for the WWE. How about less replays and more actual content on the show? Seth Rollins is taking him on one on one. SOrt of, what’s to prevent them from attacking like normal? Shouldn’t they be banned from ringside just to start with. Big Show helps them out with the angle. Triple power bomb. I hope that after Wrestlemania, The Shield progresses and breaks into singles wrestling or a singles wrestler and a tag team. CM Punk cries to Vickie Guerrero about Kane. She puts him in a no DQ match with Kane. Holy shit, a Smackdown replay on Raw? What is coming of this world?

Daniel Bryan was out before the break. We can Tout about Paul Bearer because we haven’t had enough social media on the show yet. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent. I think my boy might win. Big E Langston needs to start doing something other than look menacing. Commercial time. I’d be pretty cool if they made Bryan a legitimate threat again. I get the feeling though he’s headed for Chris Jericho territory. Fun counter by Ziggler. Doesn’t seem very heelish. Rocker Dropper only gets two. Awesome finish with counters. Ziggler wins with the Zig Zag. Big E drops Daniel Bryan with his finisher.

Tensai the dancing monkey is supposed to take on another dancing monkey, Fandango. This gimmick may be growing on me. GI Joe: Retaliation preview looks pretty cool.

Team Rhodes Scholars does a good mock of the New Age Outlaws introduction. People still love the original and will continue to love shouting “Suck it!” Brock Lesnar comes out. Billy Gunn tries to take the fight to him but fails. Good way to get him some heat. Paul Heyman does a great sell job on the conditions.

Kofi Kingston is fodder for Mark Henry. They show the show downs with Ryback. World’s Strongest Slam. Cody Rhodes hits on Kaitlyn but Damien Sandow brings back the Bellas. Holy smokes. You ladies aren’t the answer to anything. Vickie puts them in a match with Sheamus & Randy Orton. Ryback is out next. The sacrificial lamb is introduced after the Psych preview. I hope it doesn’t suck as much as the show Cena was in.

Heath Slater gets the nod. Good choice in the selling department even if we’ve seen it before. Henry watches from the ramp. Shell Shock. Drew McIntyre gets the same treatment. Henry walks into the ring and slams McIntyre. Shell Shock. Slam.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Antonio Cesaro. Del Rio cuts a cheese-tastic inset promo. Cesaro is starting to seem like Dolph Ziggler part 2. They keep putting him into good matches but he keeps losing but they clearly like him. Cross Arm Breaker submission for Del Rio. Kane loves his father’s ashes.

I’m glad they could give us more recap on John Cena & the Rock. More replays, of Brock Lesnar now. Sheamus gets the big introduction. Randy Orton came in before the Lesnar replay. WWE App still has more real content than the TV product. Randy Orton gets the hot tag though. T-Bone suplex out of Orton. Good for him. Not really a hot tag. Time for him to sell for their team. We may get a commercial break. Nope, Sheamus got the hot tag for reals. Rhodes takes the RKO so that both the good guys can do their finishers. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Sandow for the win.

The WWE App has even more real content instead of the TV show. The Shield attacked Orton & Sheamus. Chris Jericho tells us more movie footage because it is more important than TV product too. Wade Barrett gives us more movie footage. The Miz gives his same schtick. Jericho shows him how to stay somewhat fresh. The Miz and Jericho are going to fight to get a crack at Barrett. Wade is on the headset when they return. The old toss your opponent into the guy on the head set trick rears it’s ugly head. Is this what Jericho gets for Wrestlemania?

I FF thru Zeb Colter’s promo because I’m tired of it already. Jack Swagger gets Sin Cara to tap out easily. Alberto Del Rio comes to his rescue. More movie stuff. This time with Halle Berry. David Otunga grew his goat back. He gave her phone number to Kane. He kills again. I’m not sure how they talked her into that one. Or the movie.

They are not leaving much time for CM Punk vs Kane. I got 10 minutes by my DVR. They take a commercial break at 11:05. What a bunch of douches. They come back with 2 minutes left on my DVR. Fuck these guys. -Kevin

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