Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

Randy Orton & Sheamus are taking on 3MB. Drew McIntyre or Heath Slater get to take the loss. Jinder Mahal runs interference so they can get in some offense. RKO on Slater. Maybe the other partner gets solved tonight. Big Show comes down for the save against the Shield? I’m guessing if you’re big into baseball, one might call this a hold. A reliever comes in and cleans up a starter or fellow relievers problem. I can’t wait until Jeremy & I review G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

Kofi Kingston comes out and then Dolph Ziggler shows up with his crew. The crowd is giving this match nothing. Kofi can’t even get a “Boom Boom”. Maybe they’re finally tired of chanting in every other match. Zig Zag for the win but it’s another cheapie. Completely unnecessary. Kane & Bryan show up. Bingo kids, we have a winner. I didn’t look on Twitter for the spoilers.

The John Cena/Rock recap number infinity let’s me get close to catching up. Nice. Chris Jericho gets the big entrance. The Miz got in as the hook and the champ Wade Barrett comes down during the break. It makes sense but is a sad statement on the IC belt. The Miz slaps on the Figure Four. It is really here to stay for him. Yowzers. Jericho is looking sharp in the match. Barrett tried to vulture but it didn’t work. The Miz & Jericho trade pins. Barrett gets a surprise pin on the Miz for the win. Interesting. Do these guys hook up again in three weeks?

HHH takes me until 5 minutes behind live. Paul Heyman comes down instead of Brock Lesnar. Benjamin Boone is one of his body guards. He’s the one with the beard. Stephanie McMahon is the stipulation. I guess. I don’t care what I missed after 11:10. Hawaii Five-O time. -Kevin

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