Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide for March 2013

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Welcome Stunt Granny readers to the first installment of the Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide. Each month I will be bringing you a few select trailers for the month’s big releases. Yeah the preview will be full of opinion but then why else are you even bothering reading this site?  Of course in typical Stunt Granny fashion I got a late start so we are only going over the final two weeks of March. Check back around the beginning of each month for more trailers and exposition. Well, if you are interested in that kind of thing. -Jeremy

Olympus Has Fallen – March 22, 2013

Good lord another Gerard Butler action flick. This guy hasn’t made a good movie since, um, 300? Machine Gun Preacher was just meh but not terrible. It is good to see him out of his awful romantic comedies though.  This flick is directed by Antoine Fuqua who has to be one of the most confounding directors in the last twenty years. He has a clear visual style but he allows his movies to plod along. There is just something about all of his films that is never quite right. Something has held him back for years from making a truly great movie. This movie looks to be another in that line of near misses. The plot is typical Hollywood big budget disaster flick mixed with a Die Hard scenario. Ugh, nothing original and judging from the previews nothing we haven’t seen before. Totally skipping this one.

Spring Breakers – March 22, 2013

On the surface this looks like a movie made just to exploit its young stars. You may be correct in this assumption but then you look at who directed this and you have the possibility for one psychotic romp. Yes, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens have found themselves the star of a Harmony Korine film. Yes the same guy that wrote Kids. Yes the same guy that directed Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy and Trash Humpers. The trailer looks like a total disaster but if anyone can tighten up a disaster it is Korine.  It has the potential to be another Hangover like success but the previews that have made it on television make it look more akin to “Project X” and “21 & Over” and that is not a compliment. There is sure to be a healthy dose of satire mixed in with breasts and a whole lot of swearing. Count me in.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation –  March 28, 2013

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was pure garbage. Outside of the costume worn by Ray Park as Snake-Eyes there wasn’t one good thing about the movie.  As an avid G.I. Joe comics, animated series and movies  and action figures it was an insult. The fact a sequel was being made was a shock as it didn’t do strong box office. On top of that the prospect of bringing back in the same people again was plain infuriating. Well, all my fears were settled as they dumped all but a few people from the original and brought in a new producers and director. Gone is the International format for the Joes as they have been replaced with all fan favorites. The results of all this change has given us a movie that looks and feels just like a G.I. Joe comic.  Every preview that has been released has been better than the last and it has successfully built up a solid buzz. Out of all of the movies being released this year this is in my top ten. It looks to be a solid action flick that will appeal to both diehard fans as well as the general movie going public.

The Host – March 28, 2013

So I finally saw this trailer before “Dead Man Down” last night and boy does this look like a snoozer. It has nothing to do with the fact this is written by the broad who wrote the Twilight novels. Hell, the novels may be good. I have no clue but what I do know is the Twilight movies were unwatchable garbage.  Sorry, this isn’t about Twilight. So, from what I gather the world is taken over by beautiful people who like shiny objects. They apparently nest in humans who essentially become hosts. It is an end of all humanity scenario and all we should care about is the true love between two high glossed teenagers? Really? Oh and if this is the future why the hell are they driving cars and not jet cars or for that matter just friggin teleporting? You want to waste your money go ahead. If you are trying to get laid then by all means go see this sure fire crapfest.

Stunt Granny Movie Review: Dead Man Down

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Dead Man Down is easily the best of the WWE produced films but that also goes with the understanding that it really doesn’t mean anything. Directed by Niels Arden Oplev who gave us the tremendous version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and written by J.H. Wyman, the film follows the usual path of most revenge capers. It doesn’t break any new ground along the way but it does provide near two hours of entertainment.

Inevitably Oplevs next movie was going to be compared with Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and while this was nowhere near the quality it is a solid addition to his short film work.  There are some similarities between the two movies through the characters. Both Colin Farrell’s Victor and Noomi Rapace’s Beatrice are damaged people. Beatrice bears the brunt of her damage by the scaring on her face that masks her emotional damage. Victor hides his damage behind a quiet disposition that masks his plans for revenge.

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#PrimeWrestling – Pressure Rising Interviews

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Prime Wrestling decided to do review shows from their iPPV on regular TV. I won’t review the matches since I already did that here. They didn’t show the matches in their entirety but they showed the ends to all of the matches. I’m not a fan especially since they were still shilling the iPPV. DJ Korey was our host.

“Amazing” N8 Mattson was the first interview by Courtney, who really needs a microphone even if it doesn’t work. Mattson said that he was looking for real competition not a comedian like Bryan Castle. He said that even Castle’s mother is ashamed of him. Mattson said he’d amaze Castle tonight with his victory. Bryan Castle did his promo solo. He said he hasn’t had much luck with partners starting with Mattson, Brian Bender or Bat Dan Arkham. He said his luck was going to change tonight. Analysis: Mattson had a decent showing but not one of his better ones. Castle needs to get a new direction. I’m going to keep beating that drum for a while.

Courtney interviewed Marti Belle who interrupted her introduction. Belle left New York just to come here. At the end day, she said she’s number one. Belle said it in Spanish first. I think she had a Dominican Republic baseball jersey on. Melissa was new to Prime Wrestling. She was with Jessie Kaye. Jessie doesn’t think Belle knows what she’s getting into. Kaye wants to annihilate her. Analysis: These women are opposites. Kaye is great on the mic, terrible in the ring. Marti is terrible on the mic, great in the ring. Courtney needs to look more interested & Melissa was so over the top. They’ve got some work to do but it’s early.

Bobby Shields was in the locker room. He has suffered through a lot of pain. Shields said that most men would go into a depression if they went through what he did. Now that he lost his hair, he’s lost everything that was important to him so he’s dangerous because he’s lost it all. Shields told Nicki Valentino to side with him. Bobby Beverly wanted to put an end to Sex Appeal for good. Beverly said he’d kick off Shields head and if Valentino didn’t go to his side, he’d do the same to him. Nicki Valentino was “squatting” 360. He said it’s a big night for him. He decided to buy one fanny pack for each of them. Valentino said he’ll make his intentions perfectly well known by the end of the night. Analysis: I liked Shields promo even if it was rehash material for the most part. Beverly had no substance. Valentino’s promo was good and really should have been aired before the PPV or during it. I don’t think Aaron Maguire or Joe Dombrowski adequately covered Valentino’s promise. The setting for his promo was a little odd. 360 doesn’t seem unreasonable to squash but he clearly wasn’t doing one then when the camera’s arrived.

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56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania XV’s Best Matches

From the year that would be the bane of Dusty’s existence: 1999. Could the biggest card of the year be properly executed by someone who is equal parts idiot and egotist like Vince Russo? Could he offer enough ADD-laden matches that qualify as “best”? Vote now and let’s see what we come up with!

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