Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw


I’m getting to start early because my boxer decided to fall asleep much earlier than expected. It looks like today starts the final count down to Wrestlemania. I hope this song sticks in your brain during the whole show. Let’s roll.

CM Punk & Paul Heyman get to start the show. If the Rock isn’t the last segment, I’ll be shocked. Punk is not getting much of a reaction. The crowd does get behind the Undertaker attack. The promo didn’t do a whole lot for me. Taker looks like he is mobile. I wonder what length of match he has in him though. Thirty seconds isn’t a test.

Fandango is supposed to make his in ring debut again. They talk about Chris Jericho who never should have been surprised by Fandango showing up when they put his entire entrance up on Smackdown. Jericho goes right after Fandango. Why did Jericho agree to work this angle? I’m confused that this is his thing headed into Wrestlemania. Dolph Ziggler was conveniently ready to go when Fandango ran off. Before the break, I was busy checking the news on Dustin Kilgore, who wrestles for Kent State. He won the the 197 pound division last year and lost this year in the championship 8-6. Impressive career. I wonder if he’ll follow in Dolph’s foot steps. Big E Langston interferes of course. A second attempt works for the Walls. Dolph taps. Langston ambushes him. Someone for their team needs some heat. Fandango comes back down. After dancing in front of him, he assaults Jericho. Why should I believe Fandango can beat Jericho if he just got the guy who has the MITB briefcase to tap? None.

They recap Smackdown again. It really must be Wrestlemania season. Two weeks in a row on this stuff. Sheamus gets to talk until the Shield attacks. These dummies aren’t traveling together? Randy Orton then Big Show make the save. Stay together or within closer ass kicking distance.

Mark Henry gets to continue his show of strength by beating the Usos. They got a splash in which is surprising. World’s Strongest Slam. Impressive but getting repetitive at this point. He’s had this character for a while. This Philly crowd seems luke warm.

They put the 9 PM switch to Antonio Cesaro taking on Alberto Del Rio. Good for them. Mitchell Cool informs us of frequent belt changes at Wrestlemania. I’ll remember that for the John Cena vs the  Rock match. Jack Swagger attacks Ricardo Rodriguez again. Del Rio makes the save. Cesaro celebrates the count out win. Kind of funny. Del Rio attacks Cesaro. Why are you making a baby face look like a petty dick?

The Prime Time Players get to play fodder to Team Hell No. You could convince me the crowd was half of 18,000+ Mitchell Cool just said. I feel bad for Cool when Lawler no sells his “Don’t work six days of the work” line. Kane choke slammed Young for the win.

HHH gives me plenty of catch up time. He delivered a HHH promo and didn’t waste time. I could handle that. HHH kicks Wade Barrett in the nuts.

The Miz gets to take advantage of weak groined Barrett. Oh my lord, Cool whiffs on Lawler’s Lincoln joke. They’re even now. Barrett’s spill to the outside looked rough. Miz is stealing from Randy Savage too. They get a commercial. Can the WWE feel good about Wrestlemania with this crowd crapping on the almost go home show? I know the WM crowds are different than most but this isn’t good. It’s a short trip from Philly to Jersey. Barrett crotches himself. Figure Four. The music is played loud to make you forget the quiet crowd. Daniel Bryan and Kane bicker over who can’t get over AJ Lee. Kaitlyn tells them to move on. I guess she’s found her spot for Wrestlemania. AJ freaks out on her because she was behind them for some reason.

Justin Gabriel, Zack Ryder & the Great Khali are the opponents for the Shield. Does Khali job so that they can prove they could beat the Big Show? Ryder gets to do some serious selling. Gabriel takes the pin. Khali gets back in the ring. The Shield takes him out at the knees. Triple Power Bomb. Big Show makes the surprise entrance which is impressive. Big brawl until the Shield retreats.Chris Jericho has a serious black eye. He is pissed at Fandango. Wow, it really is a Wrestlemania match. He used the catch phrases but I loved the tone this week. Team Rhodes Scholars presents the Bella Twins.

Brodus Clay and Sweat Tea are their opponents. I hate people for making this happen. Why couldn’t you have hated Tensai, super fake Japanese white guy? Cool & Lawler are yucking it up. Oh shit, I just realized I forgot my fantasy baseball draft. More cat fights on the outside. This is an 8 person pre-Wrestlemania match, right? Oh crap, G.I. Joe opens this weekend. We definitely have to review this one. I have a mission for the weekend.

Ryback gets to beat 3MB which I thought he did already. Lawler tries to sell the toughness of the opposition that will get squashed again. I hosed myself. If I would have paid attention to the draft I could have snagged my boy Andrew McCutchen since I was the 5 & 8 pick. Double shell shock. He’s getting boring too but what else should I expect from a power on power match up like this one?

AJ Lee gets a crack at the Diva Title now ensuring that Kaitlyn‘s belt won’t be on the line at WM. Big gut buster gets AJ to roll outside. Kaitlyn misses the spear. Oh, they are going to stretch this out to WM. Another count out win for a heel.

They bring out the panel so that I can catch up. First time in ages I could look at Twitter during the show. The Rock is making his entrance. I also switched to the channel from the DVR so I don’t get stuck fumbling the remote when this segment inevitably runs way late. I like preachy John Cena. We get the Rock’s story about sleeping on dirty mattresses. It was an obvious slip that was used twice by Cena. The crowd still doesn’t sound 18,000 strong even for the Rock. Yikes. I like Cena making the one bad mistake excuse. Fifteen minutes over. Woof. Time for some Hawaii Five-O. -Kevin

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