Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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After the normal review, we get started with the handicapped match of Sheamus & Randy Orton against the Big Show. Sheamus should really be smart enough to tag out to Orton to beat the Big Show. I know he’s mad with him and all but that’s plain stupid. Randy gets to be the hot tag tonight. Sure, whatever. The crowd was back to normal on Smackdown. This Raw is no different. Brogue Kick + RKO = win. Snooze. 3MB get mic time because they were beat down by The Shield. They called the Shield out.

3MB gets more mic time, this time in the ring. I’m glad the Shield isn’t wasting their time. Brock Lesnar will though. People are loving Lesnar doing this. Not quite sure why he was ever positioned as a heel. Paul Heyman tells us he wants another match with HHH. This trilogy isn’t getting drug out like Rock vs Cena. Steel cage match is the offer. Disappointing. Expected HIAC.

Hot damn, I rewound for the yoodling. I should shot myself. Antonio Cesaro gets to beat Kofi Kingston. Nice of the WWE to try and make Kofi look like something other than a jobber. Holy shit, they gave them a commercial. I’m not sure I’ve seen Cesaro throw that running uppercut in the corner. That looked really good. Trouble in Paradise knocks Cesaro out of the ring. Trouble in Paradise again. Kofi is the new US Champion. This could be a good move for Cesaro. They did have me hooked by the end.

Buzzed right thru the Dolph Ziggler review for his interview. I still don’t get some of his outfit choices. The leather jacket is not your style. Alberto Del Rio gets to screw up a good promo. I love Ziggler turning him down because of an injury. Vickie Guerrero orders the match. Nice spite ruling. Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger join the party. Del Rio takes out Swagger. Jack gets the jump when Big E distracts Del Rio. Patriot lock does more damage.

The Prime Time Players have shirts now. Kind of simple, kind of slick and the back is a horror house of words. Wow, surprised that the Taker, Kane & Bryan vs. The Shield match will be next week. Not as surprised when they say it will be in London. They try to go a little extra big there. Daniel Bryan takes the beating early. Kane gets the luke warm tag. He destroys Darren Young anyway. Flying Headbutt win.

Ryback was in a dark room. I’m really digging the setting. He’s pissed at Cena because he didn’t help him out when he was being assaulted by the Shield. And Mark Henry. He’s going to step out of John Cena’s shadow. Good promo. All I could think though was, he needs to be able to do this in something other than a specific setting.

R Truth was taking on Wade Barrett for some reason. I’m sure I missed something big while I grabbed some dosi-dos. What the hell? R Truth wins. What the hell are they doing with Barrett? I’m so confused. Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero gets a proposal for Jack Swagger versus Dolph Ziggler.

Damien Sandow gets me to stop FFing. Cody Rhodes is preaching decency. The Punjabi jobber and Italian jobber are joined by the female jobber and midget jobber. The Cobra strikes then comedy ensues. For some reason, Sandow has to grab the tights to beat Santino.

Jerry Lawler is pimping the Fandangoing. Grown people and their titles belt. The Divas Title belt really slayed. Fandango comes out. They will burn thru this gimmick quicker than I thought. Please turn them down to Fandangoing. He did but not quite as dramatic as they wanted. John Cena will handle his business face to face.

Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger are going at it. Mitchell Cool does fill in their history together. Swagger is in control when the commercial hits. Dolph is in control after it. Swagger hangs Ziggler out to dry. Swagger rolls him up for the win. Three way, here we come. Ziggler wins by some back handed way at the PPV. Del Rio attacks Swagger on the entrance ramp. Del Rio winks at Ziggler. Lots of amateur wrestling in that three way match.

Sheamus gets attacked by Mark Henry again. Sheamus should stop worrying about the Big Show. CM Punk saunters out in jeans. Finished rewatching Wrestlemania 29 while I was recording tonight. The Punk vs Taker match was very good. The rest of the main event type matches were average with predictable finishes. I’m putting it towards the 20 area more than 29. I’m digging the new shirt from Punk. He wanted to figure out where to go next. That’s when he landed on the Undertaker. He hugged Heyman, said something to him and left. Awesome. Punk goes out a side entrance.

Teddy Long defends his good decisions. For some reason, he’s got to be in a tiff with Booker T. I’m shocked, triple threat match. Kaitlyn defends against Nikki Bella. Of course the sister is at ring side. You can tell the difference for sure now. So of course the referee misses the obvious after the announcers realize their plan has blown up completely on social media.

John Cena invites Ryback to the ring. Whatever for their promo. Glad the announcers covered up the video gaffe earlier. The Shield come down for a Mexican Standoff. They end up taking out Cena. Ryback doesn’t help.

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