Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

LetsTrySomethingNew

Well, this isn’t something new but it is a new post. I have another one to finish up but it requires more thought than this type of article. I also need to get this off my DVR because I’m traveling to Altoona PA this weekend. Let’s roll.

We start with the 2 young male escorts Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff against Kurt Angle. They do a solid job of reminding us what the feud is about. AS usual nothing happens before a commercial break in a match. That was a hell of a bump for Bischoff to take on the double German suplex. Bischoff nails Angle with the chain for the win. This is stupid. Even my girl agrees. Nice of them to swipe The Shield’s move. Ken Anderson gets to babble. I can’t believe I liked him at some point.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams take on Kenny King for the X Division. I can’t stop staring at the referee’s hat to know what’s going on in the ring. I do like the X cam but I’m not sure why it looks so washed out. Oh, that’s the camera. I’m not paying much attention in general. They’re making Petey look pretty awesome. Ha. Cheap win by King. I feel bad for Ion. Brutus Magnus is going for the TV Title. Solid work from him as usual. I like his under statement.

Christy Hemme and Brooke Hogan are getting ready to launch the new Knockout’s website and photos. Brooke then talks down to Mickie James and Brook Tessmacher. Devon comes out first for some reason. Magnus gets attacked on the ramp by Mike Knox & DOC. This one trick pony is old. Aces & Eights aren’t really getting heat. Samoa Joe makes the save but why did they walk away? Kick his ass too.

Part of the reason to write this column is to rip on Tazz. He has surpassed Mike Tenay for worst announcer in wrestling. Having to act like a heel is not working for him in any way. He never sounds genuine. Samoa Joe is pissed. This AJ Styles thing isn’t interesting either. I don’t care which side he’s on. He’s not that big of a deal. I like him but whatever. Velvet Sky is selling an injury? Is this real? I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s real. ODB didn’t get any promo time for this match. Tessmacher then Mickie James. Forgot ODB was the ref. Why is Mickie looking like she wants to fight ODB? You can’t start rotating thru female refs this quickly. I like ODB ordering them back into the ring. Regular referees should be that stern. The Thesz Press off the top is always a like awkward. Tazz not having a come back to Tenay seals the deal on why he’s such a bitch now. You’re a tough guy compared to your partners. Bully them. Mickey reverses a reverse for the win. Solid match. Kaz and Christopher Daniels are moderately funny. Joseph Park gets attacked by Bully Ray. He gives us a sexist sentence. He’s a lawyer who isn’t going to press charges? Ironic. I wonder if they’re trying to do the same thing once every 15 minutes or 30.

Mickie James put together a good promo which is strange. It was never her strong suit. James Storm reminds us that this angle has taken entirely too long. Daniels & Kaz are back. Daniels said something. Kaz wants the tag team titles back. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are still stuck in tag team hell because Aces & Eights are over bearing. Chavo & Hernandez clear the ring. Snooze.

So Jeff Hardy is really hurt? Roode has turned himself into a good talker. Matt Morgan is gloating again. Is he supposed to be turning baby face? He wants to take on Bully Ray but that cocky ass is so heelish. Why didn’t Aces & Eights just attack Samoa Joe too? Devon is a bad sergeant at arms. Tazz says people hate his guts because of his opinions. No, we hate you because you suck. Brisco distracts the ref. Anderson brass knuckles Samoa Joe. Devon makes the pin. It’s like clock work.

AJ Styles tries to run out of the match. James Storm attacks him on the ramp to stop him. Both men are wearing black. Aces & Eights wear black. Let’s try and make this product even more bland. AJ’s look is a little sheep dog for me. I do like a change for him though. It’d be kind of funny if he joined Kaz & Daniels. Storm taps to a sharp shooter type move. I know it has a name that I don’t remember. AJ Styles leaves Storm alone to catch a beating. Kaz & Daniels get an ass kicking too. Bully Ray delivers a fine enough promo but I don’t care because he became boring the minute he joined Aces & Eights. Dumb. It limits him way too much. He was better without this crew. They’re dragging him down. -Kevin

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