Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

repeater_300dpiI’m repeating my weekend travel plans from last week except I’m going for my girl’s grandmother’s 92nd birthday. So in order to clean off the DVR, let’s roll.

I forgot that they were going to be at IUP. James Storm is in the ring. AJ Styles is in the stands. Bad Influence joins them. I do like their sales pitch. Aces & Eights are beating up Storm again. The rest of the people who have been beat up suck. Joseph Park sucks the least. 3D thru the table so he can feel his Abyss roots.

Aces & Eights are still in the ring so that they can suck the energy out of the room. They beat up all of our heroes. Why didn’t they deliver that promo before the break? It was a short promo then you reset after the commercial break. Tazz tried to sound tough before another commercial break. Yep, thanks for making two segments suck instead of one.

Taryn Terrell is fighting Tara. The only thing catching my attention are Tazz & Tenay fighting like sixth graders. Then Tazz notes that ODB is sober. Yep, they let Taryn hang around to get the cheap pin when Tara got cocky. Always a decent way to build up a babyface without hurting the heel. People don’t care.

Rob Terry is taking on Jesse. I feel bad for this crowd. What did they do to deserve this? Robbie E saves Jesse from a pin. Weird spine buster type move for the win by Terry. Woof.

Bad Influence tries to recruit Bobby Roode. We get reruns of Jeff Hardy losing. Good for Chris Sabin coming back. He’s a tough cookie.

Austin Aries confronts Bobby Roode about getting Fortune back together. He makes several good points himself. I guess they’re gunning for the World Tag Team Titles. Chavo & Hernandez have the belts but seem like after thoughts in this match. The baby faces get to take advantage of an arguing team. Wow, Hernandez looked like he may have hurt himself. I’m not surprised. The match has been pretty good as a over all though. Kaz runs interference. Daniels interference back fires. Frog Splash win.

Matt Morgan invites Hulk Hogan to the ring for his take on matters. Is this guy hurt? I really don’t care enough to check. I don’t understand why he hasn’t been wrestling. Hogan shows up at 20 past the hour? What’s the main event? Hogan tells Morgan to stop talking. Hey, good segment.

Velvet Sky comes out to defend against Mickie James. The crowd is pretty fired up. Velvet selling a leg injury. Mickie goes after the injured knee but they go to commercial. Huh? Couldn’t she tap soon? Velvet knee up reversing the leg lock temporarily. She breaks it with a hand on the ropes. I have no idea what Tazz & Tenay are fighting about. The Thesz press doesn’t work for Mickie. People are finally starting to turn on Mickie after she drop kicks Velvet’s knee. Small package for a Velvet win. Bully Ray and Devon blow each other. Hulk Hogan and Brooke argue. I’m getting tired and am starting to suck.

Bully Ray reads off a list of victims. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that Hulk Hogan isn’t really coming down by himself. Hulk Hogan comes out. Bully Ray reminds Hogan of himself because he’s the last of a dying breed. Bully spits on Hogan. I’m glad Bully didn’t back down. Oh fuck, he did just back down. Mass attack. Lights go out. Sting acts like he’s going to attack Hogan. Aces & Eights fall for it like a bunch of idiots. They are a bunch of pussies for bailing. You can’t win two on eight? I don’t care if a guy has a bat. That’s pathetic. Thanks for making me not suck by sucking TNA. -Kevin

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