Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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My dogs crashed out early which is strange enough in itself. When you add an open front door to the equation, I’m really confused. Time to start this review though before I inevitably have to take them on another spin. Let’s roll.

I wasn’t paying attention to Twitter today so I had no idea they worked an angle on it. John Cena tries to climb aboard the Daniel Bryan bandwagon with his promo. Brickie comes out without the Brad Maddox part. Ryback comes out to merchandise. Doesn’t he know it’s summer? I’ll give the marketing department an F on this one. John, it’s two dollars that Ryback owes you. Vickie almost cracked a smile at the granny panties on a pole match. Ryback decides to go with a last man standing match. Mitchell Cool had “sources at the scene” when Heyman & Lesnar went to WWE Headquarters. It was a scary situation according to Jerry Lawler’s sources. Why couldn’t hey get real words? Real sources. They work for the WWE. It happened hours ago. You used Twitter to announce this angle. All of the information should be out already. The angle destroys itself.

Randy Orton is taking on Damien Sandow because the WWE liked their match on Smackdown. Sandow had good points but a terrible rhyme. Awkward commercial break as Orton is in the middle of a drop kick. RKO. The crowd goes crazy. Fair enough match but whatever. I dig the moment of going to the announcers but having Big Show KO Orton. Cool called it out then they went to replay.

My lady thinks it’s bull shit that she didn’t get to see Chris “Jerry” Jericho and his light up jacket last week. I agree. The traveling dancing circus are going to help Jericho judge Fandango‘s dancing. Lawler makes an awful ballet joke. R Truth comes out for more dance. Fandango leaves after R Truth wins on the score cards. This gimmick is ridiculous. So is this Lesnar angle. Just another partial answer segment. I don’t get it. I’m not more invested in the answer.

Daniel Bryan is challenging Ryback again. Ryback turns him down. Kane steps up. Ryback rules. Another solid segment. Dolph Ziggler is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. Why did I watch Smackdown? Jack Swagger decides to show his mug with Zeb. Dolph gets kicked in the head off a missed enziguri. Jack Swagger gets to look really good. Ouch, it looked like Dolph & Alberto took head shots with the ladder. Upon further review, sell job by Ziggler. Del Rio looked like he took one in the noggin.

The WWE is betting on Yahoo! giving them extra eyeballs. These eye balls won’t be watching much if any of it. Kaitlyn still has a stalker. The Funkadactyls and Natalya give him advice. Her dynamic with Khali is kind of funny right now. The Bellas are Kaitlyn’s admirer. The announcers speculated who it was. Did they not just see the same footage I did? Why else would the Bellas be happy after that scene? My lady just thinks the Bellas were happy because they got the game plan for the match tonight.

The Usos get TV time along with Kofi Kingston against The Shield. The announcers try to sell the mish mash as a viable threat to the Shield. Ha. The Hounds of Justice win. It makes no sense why the Shield had to cheat to win that one.

Antonio Cesaro pulled a dread lock out of Kofi. Ouch. Zack Ryder has at least moved up to jobber on Raw. With any luck, he’ll get a mini group like 3MB.  Nuetralizer for the clean win. Cesaro is pissed about his level of competition. They’re finally getting security footage from the company they work for. Not much more footage is shown.

Paul Heyman is live via satellite. So he decided to record criminal footage. Smart plan. HHH has a shitty office for COO. I zoned out on Heyman. HHH interrupts him. I’ll probably zone out on him too. Oh my lord, HHH is talking about the ring as his office. I’m going to puke.

My girl just offered to watch this sure to be awful Total Divas and do a column on it. I will have to bring this up with the board. I will not be watching that garbage. Kaitlyn & the Funkadactyls are taking on the Bellas & AJ Lee. Kaitlyn spears AJ for the win. Important riveting match.

Mark Henry comes out to talk some trash. He does a good job at it too. Sheamus is still not serious enough for his competition. Wade Barrett comes out as Sheamus’s real opponent. How’s middle card hell treating you Wade? Brogue Kick. Henry attacks him after the match with a strap. I’ll whip you like you stole something! You go Mark Henry.

Kane vs Ryback is the main event? Really? There we go, the Shield comes out. Daniel Bryan comes out. Ryback bails. Then saves them then assaults them. Makes sense. -Kevin

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