Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw


I haven’t even watched Smackdown yet. It’s been that kind of weekend. On the upside, a review of Fast & Furious 6 is coming soon from yours truly and Jeremy. Time to start Raw, really late. Let’s roll.

John Cena reappears in Canada. Are they creating a best of three falls ambulance match? I stopped paying attention already. Ryback wakes me up. He’s satan now. Aw crap, that is the type of match. I will not be ordering that PPV. Paul Heyman brings out Curtis Axel next. I’m not a fan of his beard. They are putting a push behind him.

Alberto Del Rio comes out first. Big E Langston makes me realize that I haven’t read a lick of wrestling news this weekend either. I have no idea how my boy Dolph Ziggler is doing. He doesn’t really fill in the blanks when they pimp the WWE app. AJ Lee’s interference costs Langston the match. He looks pissed at her.

Kane has a giant zit. Daniel Bryan is still stuck on the weak link. Bret Hart gets to interrupt them. Hart gives Bryan the same speech and he’s enamored.

The Shield came out before the break. I figured it’d be for the tag straps with the Bryan & Kane skit. Instead, we get Dean Ambrose versus Kofi Kingston. I’m not into the cow pattern design on Kingston’s tights. Nothing happens before the break. I finally know what Ambrose’s finisher is. Ambrose retains. They do segue into the tag team match. After a break! Except on the app. How did they forget to say that!

Seth Rollins is an idiot for going for a suplex against Kane. Roman Reigns helps clean up the mess. Kane is taking the beating so that Bryan can lose again. Bryan goes overboard which makes this match longer. Fine by me. I’m not paying much because we’ve been looking at cruise information. I’m glad for replays for a change. Nice way to finish the match. Rollins knees Kane in the head of a distracted Kane. I’d be fine with Team Hell No breaking up.

HHH has a fake concussion and we get news on it. Oh my lord, what a rigged vote. The Miz gets to be ref for Wade Barrett versus Fandango. The woman rightly points out that we haven’t seen too many Wade Barrett entrances recently. It all started when we discussed whether the jacket had been used recently. This match is just weird. Shouldn’t they both just beat the hell out of the Miz? Barrett does toss him around. He pays for it with a Skull Crushing Finale. Fandango wins. Shawn Michaels is talking to John Cena for some reason. Shawn is trying to be the voice of reason. Michaels is rocking a good beard.

What a crap festival of a match. The Great Khali, Brodus Clay & Sweet T are taking on 3MB. I agree with the woman, I miss the good old days of the one man band. Splash on Slater for the win. Yawn. The Great Khali sings Happy Birthday to Natalya Neidhart. Woof.

Chris Jericho interviews Paul Heyman. Good pairing. I’m glad they’re getting to a feud with CM Punk. One of Jericho’s better interviews in a while.

The Bellas are taking on Kaitlyn & Natalya. Let’s see what kind of home coming she gets. Lawler & Cool sound way too happy about Natalya’s appearance. Natalya can’t get the win with the Sharp Shooter. Kaitlyn accidentally spears Natalya. One of the Bellas pins her. Of course they’d go with the loss. How can you pass that up? Curtis Axel cuts a pretty solid promo against Bret Hart.

They introduce some a group of crazy Bayou people. Brodie Lee is in the group so I already love it. They’re playing into his look. Sheamus & Randy Orton are teaming against Damien Sandow & Cody Rhodes. Hilarious, Mitchell Cool forgets what type of match Mark Henry & Orton just had at Extreme Rules. They start giggling about all of the coincidences of Lawler’s heart attack. These four guys get a commercial break. They turn it into a good match. Brogue Kick on Sandow for the win.

I blew through the entrances for John Cena and Curtis Axel. We get even more Paul Heyman. He gives a pep talk to Axel before the break. They’re making Axel look solid so far. A drop kick ends John Cena’s early come back. Axel gets even more offense. Nice homage to Mr. Perfect. An ambulance shows up after Cena gets the upper hand. Cena gets counted out. Ryback ambushes Cena by using the ambulance as a decoy. No one really gets the upper hand. I always like the bragging rights for an up and comer. -Kevin

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