Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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The Penguins are playing like dog poop. With that out of the way, I’m going to buzz thru this program with extreme prejudice. Let’s roll.

Stephanie McMahon made an executive decision to suspend HHH from wrestling. She’s right. He should rest for more than a week after a concussion. Vince McMahon struts out. I missed the medically clear part. It also hurts my argument about ROH being the worst. HHH coming back Superman style is making it look silly. They are doing a good job of heeling it up. The Shield comes out. They hit commercial.

Hey, what the fuck? The announcers were selling this like the McMahons were in trouble. I call bull honkey on that. Daniel Bryan, Kane and Randy Orton are taking them on. Nice of Lawler to sneak in a Hartford Whalers line. Nothing happens before the commercial. The crowd comes unglued for the double hanging DDT by Orton. Rollins turns it around. Reigns right hand to Orton’s gut was really odd but the announcers smoothed it over by praising it. Orton’s drop kick to Rollins looked equally awkward. The crowd is eating up the Bryan hot tag too. Bryan puts Ambrose in the No Lock but Rollins & Reigns interfere. Orton collides with Bryan. Ambrose nails his face plant DDT for the win.

Daniel Bryan is pissed Randy Orton. He apologizes but Bryan can’t accept it. Bryan goes with the weak link talk again. He wants respect. I’m good with them breaking apart Kane & Bryan. HHH wants to wrestle tonight. Stephanie McMahon plays the sympathy card. Vince tries to talk him out of it.

The Usos have embraced the full Samoan wrestling stereo type by adding face paint on top of the haka dance. They are wrestling the Prime Time Players. Mitchell Cool is forced to say how traditional the face paint is. I’m surprised this match is on a go home episode. Super Fly Splash for the Uso win. Good for the Usos who did get a good reaction here in Cbus.

Big E Langston is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. The announcers try to sell us on a best of three series. No such thing has been mentioned in previous matches. Hold on, did they really say 2-2 in matches? Jimminy cricket that’s too many matches. JBL pulling out a Chris Adams reference. Nice. Cross arm break by Del Rio. Langston lifts him over the ropes to get the break. Del Rio locks it back in. Del Rio rolls him into a scissors pin for the win. That was kind of cool.

Damien Sandow doesn’t talk coming to the ring so that saves me time. Sheamus is taking on his partner Cody Rhodes. Sandow is on the head set. Cody is getting in some offense but the crowd says it all right now. They know Sheamus is going to win. Brogue Kick. And we get to look forward to an intellectual challenge on Friday. Sheamus slaps Sandow upside the head after he didn’t shake hands.

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Stunt Granny Movie Review: After Earth

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Will Smith +a post-apocalyptic Earth + Father & son mending old wounds while overcoming new challenges should equal an entertaining  film.  Unfortunately, when the primary ingredient is Jaden Smith, and the chef is M. Night Shyamalan, your end product is the dull, dry plate of lasagna known as After Earth.
A quick synopsis – Earth is abandoned due to cataclysms and global warming, with Humans settling on a planet outside the solar system called Nova Prime.  Years later, the planet comes under attack by an invading alien species via biological weapons known as Ursas – blind monsters who sense humans via fear pheromones. A special military force known as Rangers are trained to hide their fear (called ghosting) in order to successfully attack these creatures.  Fast –forward to the present time where Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) bristles under the shadow of his famous father, General Cypher Raige, while also dealing with the guilt of a previous family tragedy.  As a form of healing & bonding, the Raige clan travels together on a routine training expedition.  Of course they run into an impossibly-formed asteroid field and are forced to crash land on a now quarantined Earth.  Being the only survivors, they must find a way to reach an emergency beacon while avoiding an erratic weather climate, as well as an animal kingdom which has evolved to hunt humans.

While typing that synopsis, I realized that there is an engrossing story that could’ve been told.  Unfortunately, it was presented in a ham-handed, half-assed way.  There were warning signs beforehand that this wouldn’t be an enjoyable movie – the fact that Jaden Smith’s name came before Will on a poster was one.  The fact that the director of the movie was downplayed as much as humanly possible was another. But hey, it’s a Will Smith sci-fi movie – even with a flimsy story, I’d thought at the very least I’d get to see Will Smith do Will Smith events in a charismatic, slightly corny, yet entertaining manner.  Even the director of the Village, Lady in The Water and that goddamn travesty The Last Airbender couldn’t ruin a simple layup.  Well, that’s what I get for assuming, for M. Night did the seemingly impossible – he made a dull, middling, boring Will Smith science fiction movie.

When it comes to creating an effective science fiction movie, there are three factors to consider – setting, story and stars.  After Earth presents a gorgeous setting, being the first major release to take advantage of 4K resolution.  The movie is crisp, clean and realistic, with proper sense of scale and movement.  Unfortunately, it’s an empty world, bereft of depth.  One thing not absent are blatant plot contrivances.   I’m not the one to nitpick science fiction movies, due to the fact of a certain suspension of disbelief required for enjoyment.  But there’s no goddamn way I can believe with a straight face that a civilization which developed  interstellar space travel and wormhole technology are hunting scent monsters with magic Swiss army knives.  Seriously, there are no guns in the future?  A bigger issue however, is the setting of earth itself.  We are told countless times how dangerous Earth has become, and how lethal the predators have evolved.  What’s actually presented area bunch of baboons, a snail, a few jaguars, and an Eagle fight.  Future empty earth may look gorgeous, but it never seems as dangerous as it’s portrayed to be. Furthermore, how could these creatures evolve to kill humans, when there haven’t been humans present in a millennia?

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