Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

DogCleaningPoop

The Penguins are playing like dog poop. With that out of the way, I’m going to buzz thru this program with extreme prejudice. Let’s roll.

Stephanie McMahon made an executive decision to suspend HHH from wrestling. She’s right. He should rest for more than a week after a concussion. Vince McMahon struts out. I missed the medically clear part. It also hurts my argument about ROH being the worst. HHH coming back Superman style is making it look silly. They are doing a good job of heeling it up. The Shield comes out. They hit commercial.

Hey, what the fuck? The announcers were selling this like the McMahons were in trouble. I call bull honkey on that. Daniel Bryan, Kane and Randy Orton are taking them on. Nice of Lawler to sneak in a Hartford Whalers line. Nothing happens before the commercial. The crowd comes unglued for the double hanging DDT by Orton. Rollins turns it around. Reigns right hand to Orton’s gut was really odd but the announcers smoothed it over by praising it. Orton’s drop kick to Rollins looked equally awkward. The crowd is eating up the Bryan hot tag too. Bryan puts Ambrose in the No Lock but Rollins & Reigns interfere. Orton collides with Bryan. Ambrose nails his face plant DDT for the win.

Daniel Bryan is pissed Randy Orton. He apologizes but Bryan can’t accept it. Bryan goes with the weak link talk again. He wants respect. I’m good with them breaking apart Kane & Bryan. HHH wants to wrestle tonight. Stephanie McMahon plays the sympathy card. Vince tries to talk him out of it.

The Usos have embraced the full Samoan wrestling stereo type by adding face paint on top of the haka dance. They are wrestling the Prime Time Players. Mitchell Cool is forced to say how traditional the face paint is. I’m surprised this match is on a go home episode. Super Fly Splash for the Uso win. Good for the Usos who did get a good reaction here in Cbus.

Big E Langston is taking on Alberto Del Rio again. The announcers try to sell us on a best of three series. No such thing has been mentioned in previous matches. Hold on, did they really say 2-2 in matches? Jimminy cricket that’s too many matches. JBL pulling out a Chris Adams reference. Nice. Cross arm break by Del Rio. Langston lifts him over the ropes to get the break. Del Rio locks it back in. Del Rio rolls him into a scissors pin for the win. That was kind of cool.

Damien Sandow doesn’t talk coming to the ring so that saves me time. Sheamus is taking on his partner Cody Rhodes. Sandow is on the head set. Cody is getting in some offense but the crowd says it all right now. They know Sheamus is going to win. Brogue Kick. And we get to look forward to an intellectual challenge on Friday. Sheamus slaps Sandow upside the head after he didn’t shake hands.

HHH is pissed off. He’s leaving so he doesn’t need to beat Vince McMahon’s ass. He’s going to wrestle Curtis Axel next week. Daniel Bryan is still pissed. Ryback warns him. Ryback calls him the weak link. We have a match later. Vince McMahon puts Curtis Axel into action against John Cena in a no DQ match. Paul Heyman around Vince is gold.

It’s been odd that most people have had their full entrances. The Great Khali got one for this match. I expect it out of Fandango. He tries to leave thru the ramp but the Miz stops him. Wade Barrett nails the Miz with the Bull Hammer elbow. Do we have a tag match then? Or just the Miz acting tough? I would imagine Fandango got counted out.

The Miz gets to act tough. The announcers remind us that they’ve already feuded once this year. Lucky us, we get another showing. Fandango comes back out to provide the distraction. The Miz locks in the Figure Four off the distraction. Shouldn’t that be a quit hit move and not a submission you need to lock in through process? Awful ending.

Because my woman isn’t here, I can buzz right through Chris Jericho‘s entrance. Lawler expects neither Paul Heyman nor Jericho to talk. Heyman leads us off. Jericho is doing some solid work these days. Jericho seems to threaten Heyman who is so good people wouldn’t mind him seeing his ass getting beat nearly every week. The segment didn’t do too much for me though.

The Bellas & AJ Lee are taking on Kaitlyn & the Funkadactyls. AJ refuses a tag which leads to a Kaitlyn spear. This feud has been sporadic at best.

Kane and Daniel Bryan argue again. Kane gives him a pep talk. Bryan won’t accept it. Bryan doesn’t want him at ring side. Kane said he’s gone until Bryan gets his head straight. Break up complete. The Wyatt Family gets another vignette. I missed that it was Husky Harris last week in the first viewing. Not sure why. I dig me some Brodie Lee.

Daniel Bryan came out for his match against Ryback. I’m loving the Indian Death Lock forearms from Bryan. He is just killing it right now on the mic and in the ring. Awesome near fall after the Flying Goat. I’m also loving Ryback shaking it off and get his swagger back. No Lock out of the swagger. Bryan misses the suicide dive. Ryback power bombs Bryan thru a table. John Cena comes out to make a save. Curtis Axel comes out. I’m still not familiar with his music.

The match starts during the break. John Cena throws his terrible drop kick. Cena holding up his hands as he throws punches has cracked me up recently. It’s a nice touch but seems ridiculous out of him. Probably because it seems awkward. Now that Cena has been selling for Axel for a bit, I started to think about Cena breaking in against Kurt Angle. I’m not getting the same “He’s going to be a star” feel out of Axel. STF out of nowhere. Axel uses an iPad to break up the hold. Woof. Heyman gets Cena to not put Axel through a table. Ryback attacks Cena and drives him through the table outside. Axel wins by count out again. Cena is so winning on Sunday. -Kevin

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One Response

  1. “Hey, what the fuck?”.

    The entire worlds reaction to the opening.

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