Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

overgrown-yardI have a couple of articles in the works but this one is going to get posted first. One is about the Pittsburgh Penguins (it still hurts a little) and ROH (it still sucks a lot). I just got done dealing with my brother’s rental property which looks about as awful as the picture above so I’m starting late again tonight. I’ll get that overgrown yard under control but it’s going to take a while. Until I get more day light though, I’ll review some wrestling. Let’s roll.

HHH starts us off. Thanks for letting me save time already. Curtis Axel comes out next with Paul Heyman. Vince McMahon comes down and DQs Axel. HHH restarts the match. This is dumb. Vince comes back down. They continue their pissing match. Vince leaves with the ring bell and microphone. Just stupid. The announcers have to act like it is crazy instead of meant for someone with a Moe Howard hair cut.

Steph tries to talk down HHH from hurting Vince. HHH wants Steph to talk to him. How dumb are you, HHH? She’s working with him. Dean Ambrose gets to fight Kane. I’m glad the announcers are stressing how the Shield may act now not working as a three piece unit. Reigns and Rollins still interfered. Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton made the save. Sheamus has gotten kicked down to the Payback Kickoff. I didn’t think he’d be joining the Miz with as much TV time as he’s gotten with Damien Sandow. It’s been solid TV. They both deserve better.

Orton, Bryan and Kane argue back stage. Kane is the voice of reason again. I’m still digging his end of the bargain too. Brickie comes in and makes Bryan & Orton vs Reigns & Rollins for Payback. Kane gets a US Title match. He give Vickie a sweaty hug.

The Miz is in the ring and Wade Barrett is in the announce booth. Fandango has a concussion now. Hmm, is that real or a work? I didn’t think I saw news that he actually sustained one. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to the Miz. A kid fist pumping during the figure four tap out win for the Miz cracked me up. Paul Heyman comes out and tells us that Curtis Axel is getting tossed into this match.

Steph seems to give a care about her argument with Vince. Business comes first. Men, am I right girls? Chris Jericho hits our TV screens. Jericho keeps making his promos just good enough to peak my interest but not good enough that they’re great promos. My boy Dolph Ziggler makes his entrance. He was better so Jericho starts his nonsense talk. It leads to the inevitable match challenge. Big E Langston accepts the challenge.

We join the match in progress. I’ve liked what I’ve seen from Langston. Alberto Del Rio comes down and attacks Ziggler. Langston gets distracted. Jericho hits the Code Breaker for the win.

Sin Cara is taking on Antonio Cesaro. What did Cesaro do to deserve his demotion? Zeb Colter is on the head set for some reason. Whitey rules is the message. It’s pretty easy to check that stuff. Mitchell Cool opposed him but never said that Sin Cara NEEDS a visa to work in this country. JBL tries to get in on the act. Cesaro wins with the Neutralizer. Are they going to team these guys up? Still digging the Wyatt Family skits. I’d think they’d be able to switch it up a little more than they have though.

Vickie taunts Brad Maddox with her commercial. Vince McMahon and questions Vickie. Brad Maddox comes up with the solution. Have everyone at ringside so we can end with a big fight.

Randy Orton has Daniel Bryan in his corner. Roman Reigns has both of his mates with him.I really like Reigns look. As stupid as it sounds, he fits the black outfit better. Ambrose deserves some wacky type tights like Damien Sandow. Rollins looks like he wants more flair considering his hairdo. They get a commercial. Orton looks like he’s got the win. Rollins attacks Bryan and interferes. Bryan gets in a suicide dive. They flow right into their match. Bryan gets to unleash his offense first. Rollins ends up trying the Surf Board and locks it in. Bryan turns it around on him. Bryan locks in a dragon Sleeper from it. Rollins gets out of it with one punch. Weak throw to break. I’ve really liked Rollins’s selling in this match. Orton stops Reigns from interfering. Bryan with a small package for a win. Excellent match. Rollins is the the first one from the Shield to put together a great match. He’s lucky that Daniel Bryan is just awesome right now.

Big E Langston is Kaitlyn‘s secret admirer. Weird. What is up with that shirt big man? Shouldn’t she be a little wary since he works with AJ? Dummy. Everyone except you knew. AJ Lee comes out. AJ taunts her about being dumb. If Kaitlyn has no love, we can give her Dusty’s number. Kaitlyn snaps. Men just don’t get our pain. Am I right girls? More Wyatt Family.

Damien Sandow comes down with microphone in cupped hand insulting Sheamus. R Truth is his opponent. I start checking my phone because I could care less about this match. The Silencer for the win. Sheamus comes down. He just yapped from the stage. Steph is back on TV. She sends a lackie to find Vince. Steph sends the next person after HHH. Yo go girl!

HHH & Vince fall for it. They’re as dumb as Kaitlyn. It sort of works. The lumber jacks are at ringside. John Cena enters the ring. Ryback comes in the ambulance but walks back to the stage. And my DVR cuts out just as Cena tells Ryback to shut up. It’d been a good promo up to that point. Too bad I missed the end. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Movie Reviews: The Purge and Now You See Me

yeah there are two movies but one has Isla Fisher on the poster. No debate.

Yeah there are two movies but one has Isla Fisher on the poster. No debate.

Story, Setting & Stars – the 3S theory I use to determine if I can enjoy a movie.  If you can get me with at least of one of those factors, then I’m down.  This weekend, 2 disparate movies – “The Purge” & “Now You See Me” – passed the test, in wildly different ways.

Imagine the United States with no crime and a 1% unemployment rate.  Apparently, our “new founding fathers” devised a solution to curb our barbaric and self-destructive tendencies – one night a year, all crime is legal.  Any individual can play grand theft auto on their fellow man for 12 hours with no repercussions (as long as they aren’t Class 10 individuals – there are always advantages for being deemed important, even in the future).  The theory is that this barbaric, cathartic release allows us to remain in a calm nirvana the rest of the year.   Detractors deride the purge as a tool to cleanse society of the poor, uneducated, unwashed undesirable wastrels from society.  Others accept & even embrace the event as a necessary evil to allow the United States to become a utopia.  Ethan Hawke decides to become rich by selling home security systems to protect his wife (Lena Headey) and two children (names unimportant).  Of course something happens to test the family, and mayhem ensues.

Full disclaimer – as a typical suspense/horror movie, “The Purge” is mediocre at best. Besides Ethan Hawke & Lena Headey, nearly every other character serves as a stereotype, place holder or plot device.  One of the main villains (Rhys Wakefield – the blonde, possibly inbred, definitely insufferable jackass in the trailers) is named “Polite Stranger” in the end credits. Do seemingly smart individuals act stupidly in the worst possible moments?  Yep.  Are there eye-rolling twists that suspend disbelief? Yep.  Are there events portrayed in the movie that make no sense?  Of course there is. Did I hear fellow movie goers literally curse due to the hare-brained activity of the majority of the cast? Damn right. Was the movie enjoyable? Surprisingly yes – strictly because of the setting and story.

Maybe it’s because I was blessed to live in DC for nearly 8 years, but this movie reminded me of a funhouse mirror version of Georgetown.  In the movie’s universe, it made sense for the Ethan Hawke to get rich off of the fears of his neighbors by just selling “foolproof” home defense systems.  Of course Lena Headey would have to deal with passive-aggressive jealousy and hatred from her Stepford neighbors who feel exploited by basically funding their lifestyle.  And of course in a society like this, they’d have precocious annoying snot-nosed kids that would eventually place them in harm’s way due to their tolerance and love of their fellow man.  I won’t delve too much into the antagonists of the movies, to avoid spoilers – I will say that they represented the most diabolical, vile individuals known to man….hipsters.  Douchebag Abercrombie & Fitch types with half-assed nihilistic tendencies and quarter-assed Heath Ledger impersonations, they served their two-dimensional role perfectly.  And by role, I mean portraying targets for Ethan Hawke to go Training Day mode on them.   So if you embrace the conceit of the movie, and look through the eyes of the characters, then you will find enjoyment in the Purge.  Just don’t go in expecting a masterpiece in suspense filmmaking, and you’ll be ok.

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