Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

going-up-and-down-john-babisI can’t stop watching the Pirates at Reds game to start this blog. The umpire gave Russell Martin a walk in the top of the 8th with Andrew McCutchen on first. Pedro Alvarez came up wanting to mash the ball and whiffed. That sucked. Let’s roll.

Anybody that said Alberto Del Rio is better as a heel didn’t watch him as a heel. Del Rio is terrible as a baby face and heel. He’s not good at professional wrestling. I don’t care if he brings in the Latin audience. Are you listening to this promo anyone that said that? The audience is shitting on him not in a good way. He can’t get a USA chant going for pete’s sake. Everyone in pro wrestling can get that chant going. CM Punk saves us. Punk blows him out of the water just being a dick and asking Paul Heyman how many days he was champion. Punk and Heyman start to disagree. Punk wants a non-title match tonight. After a refusal by Del Rio, Punk asks Ricardo to fight. Vickie Guerrero makes it a match.

Punk and Heyman are continuing the miscommunication. He rips on Brock Lesnar and Curtis Axel. Wade Barrett is going for a record for how many times you can lose a meaningless title in one calendar. Vickie introduces her big surprise, Christian. Ha. Jeremy & I talked about not missing him last week. Kind of funny. Barrett is still going to continue his fall down the depth chart. Killswitch and Christian wins in his return. People are mildly excited.

Sheamus is taking on Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow. JBL is consistent with his point as he talks about this match being unfair for a baby face. Mitchell Cool even added the point of it not being a tag match. Lawler chimes in with a dragon joke that I laughed at but his pals were confused by. Sandow gets the roll up pin on Sheamus. Awesome camera work as you didn’t see Sandow until he was rolling up Sheamus.

Brickie was talking to HHH. Of course he asks what the main event was going to be tonight. Christian had been medically cleared for a month and a half. HHH brags about signing RVD. HHH wants Vickie to make an example out of the Shield. Brad Maddox is killing me. Kane talks to Daniel Bryan. He is still the weak link. Kane wants to get them back together. Bryan wants to be Team DB. Kane goes with a douche bag line. Kane wishes him good luck which sets off Bryan.

Randy Orton comes out first. Daniel Bryan is ready to steal the show. This crowd seems gassed already. Bryan isn’t getting as big a reaction as recently. Bryan crashing into the barricade looked ouchy. Not much happened before the break. The announcers agreed by talking about anything but the match. Why is No DQ trending? Really fans? That’s all the better you can do? Christ on a pony. Orton kicks Bryan in the rib cage as he tried to skin the cat. The doctor stops the match. What’s with the injury finishes recently? I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. Orton & Bryan make up after the match.

Kaitlyn is such an emotional mess and complete waste. AJ Lee has lost the heat that she had. Not sure why they didn’t play her crazy side up more. This promo isn’t doing anything for me either. Stephanie McMahon comes out. She bags on AJ for her tactics. AJ brings better stuff in the exchange. The baby face Divas show up on stage. Kaitlyn finally gets a spine but Steph slaps her down too. Hilarious that the “You tapped out” chant is kicking around tonight. Kaitlyn is going to break her. She tried to break some on air rules by flashing some boob.

Dean Ambrose is fighting Kane again. The Shield gets involved early. If you’re going interfere, that’s the way to do it. Vickie Guerroro is on the clock. After the break, The Shield talks down to Vickie. Vince McMahon endorses the Shield. Vince never liked Kane either.

Zeb Colter is loved by the WWE. He hashes out the reasons that he is now Antonio Cesaro‘s manager. William Regal is the sacrifical lamb. Mitchell Cool & JBL arguing is more interesting than this match. Neutralizer for the win. The WWE made RVD look pretty awesome. Let’s see if he’s more motivated than the last time he was in TNA. Talk about mailing it in. It helps that they own everyone’s footage too.

John Cena is back in the ring with a microphone. Good generic promo if that makes sense. He had no opponent to yammer about. Mark Henry comes wearing quite a suit. He even makes a joke about it. Henry talks about retiring but hints at wanting a crack at the WWE Title. Of course Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam. That’s why I went and worked on my French Onion dip. Home made is the way to go. Caramelize the onions for about an hour. Mix them in some mayo and sour cream and you have an awesome dip.

Henry brags about fooling everyone. He challenges John Cena. Chris Jericho is taking on 3MB. That’s kind of funny. Heath Slater gets the assignment. Drew McIntyre gets involved so that Slater can get some offense. Please stop staying Henry sucked in the whole world. That offends me too. Matt Striker asked Paul Heyman about Punk while he was with Curtis Axel. Easy time to evade your question Matt.

The Miz is on the head set while Sin Cara waits to lose to Curtis Axel. I’m starting to get the feeling that the Miz is going to end up being a younger Christian. DDT for the win. Another snoozefest.

Vickie gets to talk to HHH, Vince and Stephanie. Paul Heyman hugs CM Punk. JBL starts to paint Punk as a baby face. Punk not putting any product in his hair is weird. Del Rio beat down Punk for quite a while. Punk nailed a GTS but Del Rio rolled to the outside. He decides to go to the back. Dolph Ziggler goes on the attack. CM Punk by count out. Brock Lesnar‘s music hits. Lesnar does a great sell on the mic work coming but he catches Punk off guard with an F5. Punk looks like he is smiling. -Kevin

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