Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Ken at KaraokeI was so bummed that Instagram’s 15 second video crapped out on me when Ken was doing Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes. I was going to post that video as a separate post. Instead, we get a picture by yours truly. It’s a bit of a bummer. The video was good. By the way, no more Baby Momma Drama. Awesome. Time to start Raw. Let’s roll.

Wow. Just scrolled down to look at the posts and saw Terry Taylor in a hot tub. I have no idea what Vickie Guerrero just told us because of it. Daniel Bryan kicks off the show. Sheamus, Randy Orton and Kane all have a part in this party. I have to defend Christian‘s mediocrity to the lady. CM Punk does the predictable thing but he does rile up a hornet’s nest. RKO on Kane ends the segment. Cool history review for the titles. That’s what Vickie announced, title vs title. Those matches never come to a finish.

The Shield comes out for a six man tag match. They should have had Christian come out earlier in the opening segment with his match next. The Usos join him again. The Shield on the outside as they break. The Shield has taken over. Jey is taking the beating. Nice of the announcers to barely mention the differences between the Usos. I just remembered the Jey has the pec tattoo. Fun visual with Roman Reigns and one Uso going over the top rope. Dean Ambrose gets a roll up win with some help from Seth Rollins. Daniel Bryan got Kane a rematch with Randy Orton tonight. Bryan is the guest ref.

My boy Dolph Ziggler hits the ring without AJ Lee or Big E Langston. He is taking on Jinder Mahal to pick up an easy win. Mahal does have his clowns with him. The crowd is not behind my boy. Zig Zag. Slater & McIntyre try to attack Ziggler. He uses some flashy moves to get some support and to knock out 3MB.

Brad Maddox finally shows up. Vickie Guerrero is talking about the McMahons when HHH shows up. He gives her more advice. I can’t wait to be snoozed asleep by the other members of the family. The WWE knows how to make a video package.

Kane and Randy Orton are ready to hook it up. I’m glad Daniel Bryan is wearing the ref pants and not his trunks. Bryan rings the bell because Randy Orton put his hands on him. Kane talks Bryan into restarting it. Bryan holds back Orton. Kane gives Orton a big boot. Bryan ends up quick counting for Kane. Bryan & Kane argue. Kane lets go of the choke slam grip. RKO on Bryan. JBL kills me by calling Bryan Rasputin. Interesting character. I’m a bit bummed his assassination is being debunked. It did always sound too brutal to be true.

Paul Heyman and CM Punk talk a little bit about trust. Curtis Axel gets to stand there and look pretty.

I start buzzing thru entrances especially for Fandango. Sheamus is his opponent. Sheaums gets the upper hand early. Fandango was in control with a half nelson chin lock. It’s clubberin’ time. Fandango takes a trip to the back after it. Sheamus by count out.

Chris Jericho is on the head set. Ryback is taking on the Miz in the match. Lucky you Miz. Have fun jobbing. Jericho is killing me. I’m going to guess the chink in the armor is going to slide because Ryback is white. The Miz ends up working on the leg that Justin Gabriel hurt on Smackdown. Ryback quits the match. I was wrong. Jericho comes into the ring to deliver  Code Breaker to Ryback.

Mark Henry brags about breaking world records. He’s earned everything he’s gotten because “they” never gave him a chance. John Cena, I’m gonna beat your ass. Awesome. Brickie is talking when Vince McMahon shows up. I like him parially blaming Brad Maddox. Vince bitches about giving the match away for free.

CM Punk & Curtis Axel are taking on the Prime Time Players. Axel tags himself in to start the match. Punk keeps begging for a tag that Axel won’t give him. Punk gets the hot tag against Darren Young. High running knee. Top rope elbow. GTS. Punk tosses O’Neil out of the ring. Axel cheap tags in and gets the pin. Heyman tries to smooth things over after the match.

Kaitlyn is taking on Alicia Fox. Layla El is Kaitlyn’s girlfriend from the announcer’s description of her. Spear by Kaitlyn. AJ Lee comes out with Big E Langston. AJ tries to turn us on nude photos but they’re probably a gag. No one could be upset about that. So photoshopped. Brickie gets advice from Stephanie McMahon. Vickie is going nuts from all of the advice. Vickie goes over the line. Steph wants a public job evaluation. She sells Vickie on a full GM role or a firing. Can’t wait for that hum dinger of an ending next week.

Damien Sandow comes to the ring with Cody Rhodes so they can play off each other and talk about their MITB match. Nicely done. The WWE really loves Zeb Colter. The crowd still doesn’t care. Antonio Cesaro is joined by a returning Jack Swagger. Cesaro is taking on Rhodes. JBL makes an awesome crack about Cesaro learning Dutch as a new language. Neutralizer for the win. Sandow looks upset with Rhodes.

The Bellas are back to being valets for the new Total Divas cast meeting. Naomi, Cameron & Natalya join in. Well, they’re getting TV time. The Wyatt Family debuts next week. Nice.

John Cena takes on Alberto Del Rio. So, no hitch so far. Cena runs into the ring post to make it a match. Cena acting a little too beat up for the time of the match. Cena really needs to stop with the drop kick. It looks awful. You Can’t See Me. Nice German Suplex by Del Rio. For some reason, Del Rio thinks he was going to get a pin after an enziguri. The cross body isn’t much better. STF. Mark Henry comes to the ring and distracts Cena. Del Rio gets a pair of near falls. Dolph Ziggler distracts Del Rio. Attitude Adjustment for the win. Not a surprising outcome. I’m glad Del Rio has an excuse.  Herny comes into the ring with the belt. He psyches out Cena. -Kevin

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