Stunt Granny Audio Show #224

wrestling_fan_wedding cakeJeremy & Kevin had a plan, but they didn’t follow it to start the show. Why wouldn’t they start by talking about the marriage of Natalya Neidhart and Tyson Kidd? Maybe because one of the hosts thinks that they were really cousins? Maybe because the other host thinks it’s incest? Is the WWE giving the Divas a proper hype as they prepare to unveil Totally Divas on E! Entertainment? Jeremy & Kevin move back to their plan by talking about CM Punk, Curtis Axel and Paul Heyman. Is CM Punk in the same no man’s land as a baby face like Dolph Ziggler? How do their situations differ? CM Punk and Paul Heyman are doing well in their roles, but how is Curtis Axel doing? How does Brock Lesnar figure into this situation? Would he ever interfere in the Money In The Bank match? The guys stumble back off the beaten path and talk about Kane. Is this latest effort with Daniel Bryan cementing his place in the WWE Hall of Fame? Jeremy & Kevin then tackle the Suicide escapade in Impact Wrestling. Which one of your hosts is too lazy to even read the spoilers for this week’s show? Which one has no idea what really took place on Impact? Can anyone really blame him? How smart is Austin Aries? They finish up the show by talking about the Wyatt Family. What are their names aside from Bray Wyatt? Who are they going to start them off against? Would they make a proper impact against 3MB? Join this two man band for an audio experience.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #224

Dusty’s Blog: Five Very Important Basketball Opinionz 4 U

That’s right. I’m going to be inundating you all with blogs and nonsense until Jeremy completely takes away my posting abilities. Fuck everything.

In any event, the recent NBA Draft has renewed my interest in basketball. So here are five very important 04u concerning the NBA as it stands right now with offseason fury just about to heat up.

1. Bill Simmons is an idiot. No no no. You know what? I’m going to save this one for a blog tomorrow. Hold that thought.

1. The Decision 2.0. This one isn’t as important as Lebron James’ Decision, since it will lead to a grand total of 0 NBA Championships, but damn if there isn’t a lot of hubbub and excitement and general pants wetting about where Dwight Howard is going to end up.

It looks like he has five main options. Go back to the Lakers, or go to the Rockets, Mavericks, Hawks 0r Warriors. Now, the way I see it, the Warriors have a zero percent chance of getting him. They have next to no cap room, so they would have to do a sign-and-trade to get him. Problem is, all of their bad players are the ones making the most money. They would have to trade a bunch of their smaller contract good players to make it work, at which point it wouldn’t work at all, because all that would be left is Howard and the nonsense guys. Surely they know this, and the whole Howard courtship thing is probably just a PR move to show their fans they’re trying stuff.

I also don’t think he will be going back to the Lakers. He and Kobe supposedly can’t stand each other, and in Mike D’Antoni’s system, he and Pau Gasol occupy the exact same space. It’s just a poor fit. The Lakers will be better without him, too. Mark my words. And I don’t think it will be the Hawks, because historically, no player of any repute ever wants to go to Atlanta.

So it’ll come down to the Rockets or the Mavericks. I’m going to guess he chooses the Mavericks. And I haven’t been wrong about anything ever since 1982, so there you go. I can’t stand the guy – he thinks he’s funny when he’s not, he blocks shots into the crowd, and he’s just generally got an annoying way about him. I largely see him as a career good-player-on-a-bad-team type. But he’s got really good defensive advanced metrics, so you kinda have to want him if you got the money to get him. A Catch 22.

2. The Draft. I know the pick was largely panned, and there’s footage floating around the internet of the Bobcats fans booing the pick during the draft party in Charlotte, but I’m going to go out on a branch and say Cody Zeller is not only my favorite rookie this coming season, he’s going to win the Rookie of the Year award too.

He’s coming into a great situation. The Bobcats have no inside offense whatsoever. Bismarck Biyombo is good defensively but a black hole with the ball in his hands. Josh McRoberts is a solid role player, but nothing to write home about. Tyrus Thomas is a corpse. So there’s plenty of room for Zeller to get 20 points and 10 rebounds per game with enough playing time. He has a versatile, inside-outside game, and he can feed off the solid backcourt of Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson. I’m not saying this is all of a sudden a playoff team or anything, just that it’s a good fit for both parties. We’ll see. I’m on the record.

3. The 76ers trade Jrue Holliday. The official trade was Holliday to the Pelicans (the fucking Pelicans) for Nerlens Noel and next year’s first round pick, provided it isn’t picks one through five. I absolutely love this deal for the Pelicans. For one thing, Holliday is an all star point guard, perhaps the most important position in basketball now that the traditional seven foot post up center has gone the way of the dodo bird. For another thing, he’s only 23 years old. For a third thing, I think Noel is total garbage.

Sure, he was the most hyped dood going into the draft this year. But he has several things working against. For one thing, he has no offensive game whatsoever. He makes Biyombo and Hasheem Thabeet look like Shaq in his prime. Or even Shaq now, probably. For another thing, he appears to weigh less than Kate Moss in her prime. Or even Kate Moss now. And for a third thing, he had a real sour grapes look on his face as he watched five guys get picked ahead of him in the draft. Now, I’m not any kind of body language expert (oh shit, I promised to talk about Bill Simmons next time, I keep forgetting), but I want a guy who handles that situation better. Give me a Full Metal Jacket, I’ve seen that before that doesn’t affect me at all look. Keep that sour puss to yourself, son.

4. The Knicks-Nets pissing contest. Talk about a dick measuring competition. They are so busy trying to one-up each other, I’m getting dizzy. But are they really doing anything productive? Let’s take a look here.

The Nets just made a big trade to get Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Jason Terry from the Celtics. I’m not a fan of this deal at all. Pierce might have something left, but Garnett is done and Terry sucks. If you do a straight up comparison of starters between the new look Nets and Pacers, the Pacers come out ahead everywhere except maybe point guard. Maybe Deron Williams is better than George Hill. But the Pacers have the other four spots on lock. And don’t even think the Nets are better than the Heat. Don’t make me laugh.

The Knicks are in even worse shape. They just traded a bunch of stuff (Steve Novak, Marcus Camby, Quentin Richardson and 832 draft picks) to the Raptors for Andrea Bargnani. This is complete insanity. I was telling Shahid the other day, I think Novak is better than Bargnani. He costs a lot less, is less injury prone and better looking. That point is debatable, but when you factor in everything else the Knicks gave up in order to get a really expensive injury guy who can’t play defense, it’s just dumb. It’s really fucking dumb. And what can I say about them courting Elton Brand. If ever there was a cry for help, there you go.

The bottom line is that neither team is better than the Heat and Pacers. The Nets are probably the third best team in the east again, and the Knicks take a step back. But man, they sure made some headlines!

5. The Clippers. I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk briefly about my childhood favorite team. Getting Doc Rivers for what would surely be a low draft pick, so that they can ensure re-signing Chris Paul was genius. And they just made a trade today, giving up Eric Bledsoe and Caron Butler and getting JJ Redick from the Bucks and Jared Dudley from the Suns. I like that deal a lot for them.

I’m going all in here, saying the Heat beat the Clippers in six in next year’s NBA Finals. If I’m wrong, I will simply delete this post so that you have no proof I ever made the prediction.

Dusty’s Blog: Rejected Movie Trailer Idea

 

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This whole Aaron Hernandez thing is a buddy cop movie waiting to happen. Something like…

Everyone knew Aaron Hernandez was dangerous. But no one knew just *how* dangerous…

Hernandez, in the courtroom whispering to his lawyer: No one knows this, but I’ve rigged explosives under the judge’s chair.

Hernandez’s effeminate lawyer: Ooh, I always said you were a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off!

Hernandez: That judge is about two hours away from his final verdict!

*Hernandez and lawyer laugh deviously*

But what Hernandez doesn’t realize is that he has two grizzled New York City cops on his trail that are hellbent on blowing up his evil scheme…

*shots of the two cops saying and doing wacky stuff*

*shot of one of Hernandez”s gang buddies telling the cops about the explosives, and then the cops making a beeline for the courtroom*

Buddy Cop 1: Hernandez is about to learn something about his friends that he never knew before!

Buddy Cop 2: Yeah. That they can sing!

*shot of the courthouse exploding while the buddy cops drag the judge to safety*

Lethal Weapon 97, coming soon to a theatre near you…

(Dusty’s note: I pitched this movie trailer idea to Jeremy and Eric earlier today and it was met with crickets riding on tumbleweed. So alas, it will never see the light of day, not on the big screen and certainly not as a column idea for Stunt Granny. To tell you the truth, it was probably rejected because there’s not a single trace of a hot big breasted chick in this trailer. Oh well, back to the drawing board.)

Stunt Granny Movie Review: White House Down

la-et-mn-white-house-down-channing-tatum-theat-001Should you see White House Down?  Should you invest 2 hours and 8-12 bucks towards this film?  Are you on the fence because you already saw Olympus Has Fallen?  Well, you’ve come to the right place.  Here is a quick review/questionnaire which will help you determine to pass or go.

Channing Tatum plays a divorced DC policeman and former Army veteran looking to impress his precocious (aka obnoxious) daughter by attempting to join the secret service.  On that same day, a group of disgruntled ex-civil servants, crazy rednecks, and an obnoxious hacker joins forces to storm the White House to achieve…something.  It involves a Middle East peace plan, defense companies and corporations looking to fund continued conflict, revenge on previous…….look, it’s 2 hours of Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx running around blowing stuff up and cracking jokes.

So, does that sound like they type of movie you want to see?  Not sure yet?  Ok, time to dig deeper…

Are you a fan of Roland Emmerich?  He’s a director who seems to take a perverse enjoyment in destroying American landmarks.  Unlike Al-Qaeda, he tends to operate in very broad strokes, employing one-dimensional characters, loud noises, and humor stolen from the outtakes of Michael Bay movies.  Yet like caramel popcorn and midget fights, he can be enjoyable, in a perverse, slightly morbid fashion.  Independence Day, Godzilla, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow, 10,000 B.C….when your most subtle film is The Patriot (aka Mel Gibson going William Wallace on the British), then you tend to have a certain reputation.  If you’re a fan of those movies, then you will find enjoyment in this film.

Are you a fan of Channing Tatum and Jamie Foxx?   Does the thought of watching Channing doing his best Die Hard impersonation and Jamie answering the question of how Barack Obama would act if he went to a historically black college tickle your fancy? This is 2 hours of racial buddy cop wrapped around an overwrought sandwich of national and global stakes.  Luckily, they possess a modicum of chemistry, and provide the best parts of the film; it slows and drags when they separate.  However, I’m also aware that you’ve seen the trailers, so ask yourself this – do you get a chuckle out of Jamie Foxx telling a dead terrorist to get their hands off his Michael Jordans?  That’s the type of humor you will get.
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