Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

thiefI went late making dinner so I’m skipping an introduction about my weekend except to say, criminals aren’t smart. Let’s roll.

We start with a Wyatt clip. Interesting timing with it being the Go Home show before Money In The Bank. Brickie introduces the show officially. Jerry Lawler thru the WWE is letting us grade Vickie. She tells us about the MITB participant matches for Raw. The first of which is Daniel Bryan taking on Sheamus. She’s had so many almost and definitely firings that no one in their right mind could say this will be her best Raw because she’s had ten others.

They got a commercial break before the match started. Bryan and Sheamus get another commercial break when they collide into the barricade. The match is in full swing when we get back. Nice of them to trade the kicks then forearms. Sheamus kicks out after a boot to the head. Flying Goat air balls. Daniel Bryan with the small package out of a Cloverleaf. Nice work. A reporter who did his job poorly got lost on his way to find the Wyatt compound.

AJ Lee is giving Big E Langston. He gives her positive reinforcement. Dolph Ziggler comes into the picture. He thinks she’s too worried about Kaitlyn. They’re still good for now. Doing a nice job so far.

Tons of Funk are set to take on The Shield, Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns. Brodus Clay gets to be the punching bag after Tensai started out strong. Tensai gets the hot tag which will inevitably lead to him getting pinned. Rollins kicks out after a power choke slam. Reigns with a spear for the win. They could use Tons of Funk more and make the tag team division more viable. Don’t worry, I know that horse is dead and buried. Several times.

This camera man blows. Can you wait until you look up to hit record? Brodie Lee tells the dumb ass to follow him. I forget his Wyatt name. John Cena comes down to the ring first. Mark Henry comes out when invited. Cena goes for the joke first. Ugh. Henry laid out his case. I was really hoping Cena would compare Henry’s stance to his against the Rock at Wrestlemania. Cena goes for the baby face challenge that the heel will never take the bait. Cena jumps like a little girl when Henry fakes charges him. Henry blindsides him. Cena crumples under the Attitude Adjustment to make it more Herculean of a task on Sunday. World’s Strongest Slam. Josh Matthews talks to Randy Orton about CM Punk. Orton will not wait to cash in his chance should he win it.

The Miz jokes about his many roles in the WWE. Chris Jericho makes his big entrance to take on Curtis Axel. Paul Heyman is selling the punch Alberto Del Rio gave him on Smackdown. Axel gets to talk about perfection. Currently enjoying a Myopic Red from Zauber. They are starting work on new digs this week that will have a biergarten. I’m pumped. Axel in control as they break. Jericho kicks out after a Perfectplex. For some reason, Axel rubs his head on Jericho’s. Walls of Jericho are broken. Axel takes a header into the announce table. He argues with the Miz. Code Breaker. He does need a win every now and again.

Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow get to barely talk when Zeb Colter who isn’t wrestling gets to talk for Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro. Wade Barrett can’t be understood. He ends up cold cocking Fandango. They’re up and coming stars, right? Brodie Lee tells old box of rocks not to stray. Box of Rocks strays only to get corrected again. Bray Wyatt finally says high.

Alberto Del Rio gets to beat Sin Cara and his mood lighting. Jeremy & I need to stop reminding the WWE that they have these people on their roster still. The top rope enziguri almost gets Del Rio the three count. Sin Cara took another one. Ziggler brings up the mood lighting. He does Ricardo Rodriguez’s job. Del Rio attacks. Sin Cara nails a top rope splash to the outside. The match just ends even as the announcers are confused.

Vickie Guerrero gets to defend herself to the McMahons. I’m still confused as to why this is an angle. Steph gets to grill first. Vince then pontificates. HHH gets to crap on Vickie on behalf of the fans. HHH puts Vickie’s fate in Steph’s hands. They still try to lobby her. Steph pawns it off on the fans who lost the vote 75% to 25%.  Vickie goes full on shrill after the results. Steph gets to say “You’re fired.” So, I’m still confused with the angle. I mean, they got TV time out of it but that’s about it. Vince makes Brad Maddox new GM. Awesome. The look on his face is priceless.

Vince wants to make it right for Vickie. Brad Maddox tells Vickie that he’s sorry. Vickie attacks him. Kane takes on Christian. Another MITB match gets a commercial break. They didn’t get much after it though. Choke Slam for the win. Bray Wyatt interrupts. The masses need to wake up. He warns us that it’s the end. The Wyatt Family is there. They come to the ring with the single lamp lighting the way. Brodie Lee & the other guy attack Kane. Lee is really bald. They slam Kane’s head in between the stairs. Interesting start. Does Kane miss the MITB match now?

Vickie is leaving the building with a box of her stuff. She runs into Ryback who hugs her. She deserved better. Vickie is still sad. The Bellas are on the head set to annoy us. AJ Lee & Alicia Fox are taking on Kaitlyn & Layla. The Bellas make a bad fat joke that Mitchell Cool no sells. Thank you. Kaitlyn spears AJ out of her boots. They end the match for some reason. Thank goodness it was short.

Josh Matthews talks to CM Punk. He’s an example of maximizing your time even for a short time frame. Not many are good at it. Randy Orton comes to the ring. Punk rolled in after a commercial. Punk drop kicked Orton to the outside. Punk then nailed a suicide dive that took them into the break.  They toss around some of their standard moves. The first close pin is an Orton power slam. Not sure why I say that since he’s never won with that move. Just seemed like enough offense finally. Boot to the face of Orton. GTS. All of the MITB matches finished clean. Got to think Bryan & Punk are the favorites with the other winner being taken out by the Wyatts. Christian isn’t winning. Sheamus wouldn’t surprise me. I doubt Orton because he isn’t hot enough right now. Still doing very good mind you or else people wouldn’t have split the cheers during this match. -Kevin

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