Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Asiana Flight Down Name Faux PauxIf for some reason you didn’t see this botched moment in TV history, head on over to Gawker. It’s too funny. Today has been a good day. No more Idiot Intern at the office. My life will be better. In celebration, I’m drinking a Founder’s Breakfast Stout. Sounds like a good Sippy Time Beer for a review. Let’s roll.

Brad Maddox gets to kick off the show. He announces Ziggler vs Del Rio. So we get the official break up tonight then between him & AJ Lee? John Cena interrupts him. Maddox’s facials kill me. Maddox gives Cena the choice of his opponent at Summerslam. Cena tries to talk him out of it. I wasn’t sure if I had read the end of the PPV results because of the hectic work day. Randy Orton gets the briefcase. They have been trying to re-establish him. A weird twist with Fandango coming to the ring. He tells Orton that he’ll be cashing in on him, not Cena. He then gives Cena a speech lesson. Orton attacks Fandango. Brad Maddox makes it a match. We get a commercial.

Fandango is a good chicken shit heel. JBL calling Fandango a cross of MC Hammer & GSP. The crowd is getting around to chanting random stuff. Orton loves to slow it down. Fandango goes slow into another break. The announcers are really selling Fandango. He’s not going to win. They are really selling a Fandango win except for the camera angle when he gets crotched.  Hanging DDT then an RKO for the win. Dolph Ziggler is walking down a hallway when AJ Lee starts running after him. Dolph tells her it’s time to move. She hugs him. He drops her. Awesome.

We get Mark Henry in a suit again. He is interrupted by The Shield. They circle the ring. I like the slow stalk. Triple power bomb. First significant attack as a trio in a while. That’s another way to keep them fresh as much as they need to be apart.

Brad Maddox gets run down by Chris Jericho. Maddox wants him to impress Cena by taking on RVD. It is official. Alberto Del Rio comes out first. Dolph Ziggler is getting quite the reception. They mention Damien Sandow winning the other MITB match. Kind of a good point since Del Rio is a heel and I don’t feel like they’ve had too many same side attacks. Ziggler is on the outside when we get a break. I’m just enjoying a good match when AJ Lee rings the bell. Ziggler gets kicked in the back of the head for the Del Rio win. AJ slaps Ziggler around until Big E Langston takes him out. I knew that was coming but still well done.

R Truth is showing looks of fore head for some reason. Bray Wyatt lights the lamp. I may have lobbied for Kane to join their group but I’m sure as hell not going to do the same for Truth. I love their entrance music. Piper & Rowan is what I think Mitchell Cool said. Bray grabs a mic and walks into the ring. Bray gets a laugh out of me when he calls himself the “Eater of Worlds”. He faces down R Truth one on one with a chair. Piper & Rowan distract Truth long enough for another beat down. Wyatt finishes him with a Downward Spiral. I’m a little lost after those words. It’s interesting but doesn’t make much sense to me. I’ll let them explain his character more.

The WWE Performance Center opened. It does look pretty cool. The Real Americans come out for their fan vote match. Zeb Colter gets to run his mouth. The Usos get a call from the fans. People seemed impressed by their pre-MITB match with the Shield. The crowd likes chanting “We The People” but not much else for these chumps. Cheap roll up win on Cesaro. I’m not sure why you match those two teams up.

Damien Sandow gets to show off his briefcase. He draws Christian as his opponent. You can tell Christian’s mouth is jacked up by the way he’s jutting out his jaw. He’s ballsy for taking that spill off the top ropes to the floor. Oh boy, I wondered if this might happen. They’re playing him as the loser that gets to brag about the briefcase. Cody Rhodes attacked.

I had to rewind for a new 1-800-FELLA commercial. He’s a cure for hiccups now. I’m still confused about this concept. Proof the Vickie Guerrero is going to continue to have a job. Brie Bella is taking on Naomi of the Funkadactyls. They are really pushing Totally Divas. The announcers get to tell us why the Bellas suck. Naomi wins with a top rope cross body block. Paul Heyman cost CM Punk the briefcase. No answers from Heyman last night. Yep, definitely didn’t read the tale end of the review.

CM Punk makes it short and sweet and calls out Brock Lesnar & Heyman. We only get the later. Punk doesn’t exist to him any more. Heyman emphasizes the “We” in their relationship. He takes credit for Punk. Heyman keeps digging in. Punk is not the best in the facials tonight. All Punk has is the fans now. He stopped Punk because he can’t beat Brock. Punk’s speech is better than his facials. Lesnar finally comes out. Punk puts up a fight but Lesnar finishes him with an F5 on the announcers table.

Khali lobbies John Cena. Brad Maddox gets his first McMahon segment with Stephanie. HHH shows up quickly. They scare him into what Vince might be thinking of his choice he gave to John Cena. HHH makes a “Future Endeavors” joke.

Rob Van Dam comes out. I hope he is interested in wrestling again. I think he can be a limited asset at this point in his career.  Should be a fun match with Chris Jericho who can still go. Jericho is in control at the break. He’s still in control after it. Is Jericho going to job to RVD too? He’s got quite a list going for himself. RVD takes over with a nice spin kick to the jaw. Jericho turns a body scissors into a power bomb. I wouldn’t call it awesome so far. It’s been good for sure. Moonsault from the apron leads us to another commercial. Now we might be able to talk about awesome. The match is continuing to be very good but short of awesome. The crowd finally starts to get into the match, which tells me they agree. A senton pin by RVD was awesome. Jericho kicks out and the crowd dogs it. Jericho counters a head scissors into the Walls of Jericho. The ref warns Jericho too much. Another thrust kick. Frog Splash. Good stuff. I’d be more than happy to watch main events that quality each week.

John Cena gets to finish off the show. Mitchell Cool calls this unprecedented but I am pretty damn sure they’ve run this angle several times before. It may not have been for Summerslam but they did it. The crowd pulls hard for Daniel Bryan. John Cena fakes like he’s not going to but then selects him. Awesome. Even better than winning MITB because he very well could end Cena’s reign shorter than I expected. He’s is smoking hot right now. -Kevin

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